I have been told (in not nice ways) that I am too good ie I have two angels sitting on my shoulders instead of a good and a bad one like they do in cartoons.
I thought that whatever I do, the morals and values instilled in me by my parents were for my own benefit. But some of my colleagues, and the recent moron that I met, think I am boring mainly because I don’t have bfs, don’t drink, don’t club, and will save myself until marriage.
I mean I do hoards of other fun stuff. But am I really missing out? And I really don’t think I’m that good…I’ve done my fair share of experimentation and didn’t feel comfortable in myself to adopt it as a lifestyle.
Will I hit a mid-life crisis when I’m 50 for not ‘living’?
Personally, I feel there is so much more that one can do that is enriching - reading good books, travelling to new places, hiking, swimming, painting, hanging out with friends over coffee, dinner, watching arty movies…
Am I surrounded by small-minded people? Or am I the one restricting myself?
Yes I'm Muslim, some of my 'Muslim' friends are completely off the path, and I live in a multicultural society. I think I should find a dars to go every week.
Hey Cat Woman....
No, I do not think you need a "reality check"! Just because others like the whole "western" way of living, it does not mean that you have to do the same as them.... it's all about what you feel comfortable with and how you would feel about yourself if you had done any of these things you metioned.
You said that you feel that once you hit 50, you may regret that you have not lived life to the full and not experimented in the things your friends have.... but say that you do try living your life the way your friends do, do you not think that you will regret it and will beat yourself up about it in years to come if you do something that you really do not agree with?
Be grateful and happy that your parents have given you great morals and values.... it shows that they love you... there are sooo many youngsters in today's society that have no values whatsoever and to be honest, it is quite disturbing!!!
You are NOT boring if you don't have a bf or don't go clubbing..... no offence to anyone that does love to go clubbing, but clubs are seriously full of idiots that are only after one thing..... ok, you do get the people that are out just to have fun and a dance etc but a lot a guys there are just looking for a bit of action!
Maybe try it once... there is nothing wrong with going clubbing.... just go out with your friends and see if you like it.... you don't have to go overboard... you don't have to wear the skimpy, non existent clothes or get drunk etc... just go out and have fun and see if you like it... atleast that way you can say that you've tried it and did / didn't like it.... and will have no regrets....
It doesn't matter what others think of you.... what matters is what you think of yourself....!!!! Do not lose your self respect for anyone!!!!
We all question if we have fully lived our lives especially as we grow older. Even the ones who are drinking and clubbing and screwing around ask themselves the same question, and WILL be asking the same question at 50, maybe even at 30. We all go through it. I wonder that too sometimes and just like you I'm fairly conservative. Alcohol is a depressant, it makes you feel good only temporarily and comes with way too many disadvantages. So, you're not missing out on anything there. As far as clubbing is concerned, from what I've heard (even from American non-Muslims) is that it's the worst place to find a potential partner. And the impression that I get from my American friends is that they find the whole dating/having sex process exhausting and depressing because they'd much rather be with a guy who is serious about committing as opposed to the guy who puts up a charming front only to get laid and then disappears without even a phone call.
Make a list of all the things you have wanted to try and then set a time frame for accomplishing them. It could be as simple as wanting to try sushi and cooking a new recipe and working on a craft or getting a makeover.....to.....traveling and bungy jumping....or to.... getting your own book published. A desi friend of mine went sky-diving, which is something I'd like to try one day. You could also do volunteer work, which is recommended as one of the best ways to bring yourself out of the dumps. You could read to kids at a hospital, for example. You could even come up with another thread that'll get people as involved as the last one.
You seem to have a way with words and your writing is humorous. I could see you write a book similar to Bridget Jones' Diary or Shopoholic:)
You're on the right track. This is only temporary, u'll be okay:)
You know, few people feel comfortable admitting that they're jealous. It's not at all impossible that your friends might be JEALOUS of you.....and rather than confessing it, they mask it with their "disapproval" of your desire for clean fun.
Maybe your friends are jealous that you are far more secure with yourself. Maybe they're jealous that you're comfortable being in your skin and do not feel the need to conform to the ideas of "fun" that are held by the masses/society.
Maybe they're jealous that you don't have to go through the HASSLE of hangovers, or dressing up to the 9's to go clubbing only to end up in bed with a loser. Perhaps they envy how clean and simple (less stressful) things in your life are.
redvelvet you’re awesome - very insightful and you make me look at things in different ways. And your knowledge on certain subjects is :k:
You should be a lifecoach or mod of this forum!
Sushi - spent a year in Japan, and I now can’t live without a monthly dose.
But ya you’re right hey, I really won’t stoop to their levels or conform to the pressure. I was actually thinking, let me give this moron what he wants, but I’m so glad I read your words. Thank you I shall return to this page or bookmark it to remind myself of who I am and why I have chosen to live this way.
I am having a discussion with one of my very old pal that i met again after like 15 years. While i am the shy average Paki guy, he has become lot more "liberal" over the time.
Now he claims that "men" cannot enjoy a fullfilling monogamous relationship, its against their nature, those who do are rare breed. All men want is sex and those who are marry do so either coz they can't get laid frequently or they want to propagate their genes.
I am afraid that you have come across someone like the above person.
That's the FUNNY part...........that you didn't give the MORON what he wanted. To deprive him of what he thought he rightfully deserved.........It's cruel and hilarious at the same time. His majesty, the royal cockiness is probably sitting somewhere nursing a bruised ego. Hopefully it was a slightly humbling experience for him. You won, enjoy your victory. Look at this way, Catty: You running into him was a test for you and you were strong enough to pass it. Him running into you was for his own good cuz someone had to bring him down to Earth! A double victory!!!!!
Catty, sometimes I feel like I might be missing out too. Then I am fine knowing I have a lot more to be grateful for because had I not had a good Muslim upbringing, I might not have been the person I am today.
I get to have parents who are in my business all the time - yes its annoying sometimes but I know they care about me and love me.
I get to stay away from alcohol - its not fun at all when you get a call around 3am from your friends who is drunk and has puked all over herself. Who wants that kind of a life?
A lot of people do this whole clubbing thing because its cool and also because they're desperately hoping to meet someone. This whole idea of clubbing and getting drunk is so you can have a great time, meet someone and take it from there. I dont have to do that. I dont have to get drunk and go clubbing to meet someone. No one has to see me in a micro-mini to want me. I dont have to go that far and from what Ive read about you Catty, niether do you. You are a professional, educated, grounded, a good person and trying to be a good Muslim.
Morons have a way of making us girls feel like we're boring and plain and just not exciting enough for them to stick around. I bet you even if that moron was interested in you, he couldnt keep you because YOU would get bored with him. Good looks might get your foot in the door but they wont keep it there. A guy I thought was hot finally took me out after months of crushing on him, only to find out he was a party animal. I didnt find that exciting so there was no second date. I wasnt missing out.
Oh and for my mid life crisis, Im getting a bob. Thats how the whold world will know Im going through one...
Oh my God! why do you sound so much like me? But unlike you I have rarely had anyone tell me that I am missing out on life. Its my own insecure pathetic self which thinks that I’ll regret not making the “mistakes” everyone else did in their youth.
I am not 50 yet but things I regret the most are giving so much importance to the whole bf/gf thing in college, wasting my precious time and money on a bf, hurting my parenting because of the bf. Even for the brief 5 months that I did have a bf, I wished I didn't.
Looks like you have tons of great hobbies that would be more meaningful to you. Travel and enjoy your life.
If you have regrets that you didn't go clubbing at 50 - you can go at that time. They will be still open and full of idiots as they are now. :)
Seriously ignore those ppl. From what i have heard of clubbing its really not that great. Seriously all it is a group of people getting drunk and making out with strangers with horrible music. You have a great life which has more meaning and is more enriched in every way, don't get sucked into the whole the grass is greener on the other side.
Who ever said that you are boring is a LOSER themselves and their life is boring.
dear, these things are just r obseession. you r living the best of ur life. it is the quailty of life that matters, if u r getting bored then seek better activities. don't b get too engrossed in what ppl think abt u.............
Well Catty, I think somedays I'm missing out on the whole drinking partying dating stuff. Then I look at the friends who do all that and they even more "alone" and "bored" than I am.
I dont have the most exciting life, but I definetly don;t have any regrets about the way I live. If I lived the more "exciting" lifestyle I know I;d have regrets. That's just how it is for me
Honestly, at the end of the day, the person you end up marrying will appreciate every bone and molecule on you for being the way you are. You dont need to change. Stand by your morals and shoo the idiots off...
Do these idiots really think that virgininty defines how boring or interesting one is? tsk.. what a sad life they lead... it just means they have nothing better to discuss. Their brain cannot comprehend anything beyond sex.. (and im not just talking about guys.. this goes for those girls too who think the same)
Ur lovely, and one day he'll know as well... that ur too good for him and not the other way around
- very insightful and you make me look at things in different ways. And your knowledge on certain subjects is :k:
I shall return to this page or bookmark it to remind myself of who I am and why I have chosen to live this way.
But unlike you I have rarely had anyone tell me that I am missing out on life. Its my own insecure pathetic self which thinks that I’ll regret not making the “mistakes” everyone else did in their youth.