boring , yawn etc. Parents aren't your regular saints I say. They are vulnerable to the same human vices as everyone. It's a major myth that parents will only think of your good in every decision they make. Many parents turn down a potential their kid has chosen out of spite or to establish the supremacy they think they hold as parents in choosing the spouse for their kids.
And both loves are eons apart thus not comparable. If parents don't budge, you might as well not budge and leave them because parents aren't going to be the one you are going to be spending the lifetime with.
this is an old discussion :) but wht i believe is k if the guy loves the girl and is sincere , he wud never want the girl to leave her parents / house for him ... and i strongly believe k jo apne parents se sincere nai hota wo kisi se sincere nai hota...
Okay, i'm not a guy but i'll give my perspective. I think if u luv someone very much then u should try very hard to make ur parents understand. If u r meant to be as a couple then u will.
A family friends daughter has done just what u've said above, left her parents with some guy about 2 months ago. It now transpires that only after running away did he tell her that he'd been married twice before and also has two children from his previous marriage. Whats to say he won't leave her in the future?
Not only has she shamed her family, but her father has tried to commit suicide. Would it not have been easier all round if she'd just told them that she'd met someone?
I think that parents who don't let their children marry who they want to and force their children to make a choice between their parents and their love are selfish parents. Most of the cases in which parents are against a potential spouse for their children involve stupid reasons like different zaat, different language, rubbish like that. Some old fashioned parents can't look past the trivial BS that our culture seems to find way too important.
With the thinking that is ingrained in desi minds, if a girl was to leave her family for a guy and marry him, its not the girl that cannot be trusted, but the person she runs away for that cannot be trusted. In a country where dating is looked down upon by ur average citizen, any girl who runs away with a guy is the lowest of the low. She probably won;t leave the guy for someone else knowing the attached stigma but the guy will definitely rub it in her face at the first oportunity. Guys are just not worth giving up your family for in this manner.
At the end of the day its the parents who can influence what their kids do anyway. A little flexibility goes a long way.
Ditto. Even islamically parents don’t have the “right” per se to choose spouses for their children. However, due to ignorance, islam is often successfully used as a common blackmail tool, particularly with girls.
It's not always such a clear cut case of the girl leaving the parents for the boy. For example, there was a case of a girl who was studying to be an alima meeting a nice, religious boy, nothing haraam in the relationship, and the immediate intention was marriage. They did everything in accordance with Islam, but her parents wanted her to marry a relative from "back home" because it was her "duty" to provide him with a visa. He was not religious at all, so she went to an imam who approached her parents - they still told her that they would cut her off and that she was no longer their daughter, and complained about their failiing health and how this shock would kill them. It was the relative or the highway.
To make a long story short, she married the guy, prayed for her parents constantly, her parents eventually came around (when the grandchildren were born), and they are one of the happiest couples I know.
My point, while our parents deserve all of our respect and love, they are not always selfless in their actions. A person should never not tell their parents and run away, but should reason with them. However, this situation requires a certain amount of maturity, and hormones shouldn't really be involved.
From my experience, most desi parents first reaction when faced with this situation is to say no, then follow up with such gems as "what will the khandaan say", "you are no longer in this family if you don't follow my guidelines", and my personal favorite "my head (or heart), while wondering around with a blank look and duppatta wrapped around the head".
It happens more than you think. A lot of relatives think that especially with girls born here, they should help out their relatives and marry someone from 'back home' so that they can easily come here to work as well. It's just about impossible to get any kind of permanent stay visa for the US nowadays in any other way.
And a lot of parents still think that the non-religious relative is better than the religious outsider, especially if he happens to not be from the same caste, not desi, etc. I have a friend who regularly tells me that her son can marry anyone as long as she is a pakistani rajput girl from a good family. She thinks this makes her "modern" since she isn't restrictive about location.
true.. u believe that general people here will know about behshati zewar?
err.. YEAH!
death? i agree. . it will find u 99% in the LEAST convenient time.. love, i wouldnt know.. movies never do justice and life isnt a set of some bollywood song. . .
And a lot of parents still think that the non-religious relative is better than the religious outsider, especially if he happens to not be from the same caste, not desi, etc. I have a friend who regularly tells me that her son can marry anyone as long as she is a pakistani rajput girl from a good family. She thinks this makes her "modern" since she isn't restrictive about location.
if their muslims, i dont see why parents would object to their childrens happiness, its a shame really, dont know how they can live with themselves.
