My mil is obviously only concerned with her daughters exams
And has not once asked me how my studies etc r going or any kind of encouragement or chalo even acknowledgment
She’s constantly asking other kids in family about their exams and never once mine.
It does bother me
Husband doesnr think I should be bothered but if something bothers his mum.about me am.sure he would tell.me however if something about her bothers.me.he would never inform her
I should stop caring ??? Am I being silly ( again)
But seriously just try to ignore it. Focus on your exams, screw what everyone else thinks/says/does. And plus shes her mother so naturally shes going to want her to do better and yes it would be polite if she asked how your studies were going, but she doesn't seem like that type of person. Soo just let it go.
If your MIL is asking other family members about their exams in front of you when she's not once asked about yours, then perhaps she's doing it to rile you up....and it's working beautamously on you.
And you are foolish to think that your husband should confront his mom about her failure to enquire about your exam because 1) It'll give her the satisfaction to know this tactic is working, providing she is playing a game.....2) She still may not ask about your exams even after your husband's complaint.....3) You're going to be even more bothered/angry about her not asking despite husband's intervention. You need to think more in the long-term and less about the short-term.
Also, how often do you ask MIL about her health? I'm not talking about you asking your husband about her well being....I mean u developing the balls to ask your MIL. How often do you ask her how her day was? It takes two hands to clap, Nadz. You can't expect her to give you motherly encouragement when you yourself behave in a distant manner with her. The problem is that you want her to be the first to yield and she expects the same from you. Both of you women view being the first to surrender as a sign of weakness or losing dignity.....when from a religious perspective.....it's a more noble thing to do as it reflects courage and sabar.
Though you complain about your MIL often, you fail to see that you think and act similar to her. And until you either develop a thick skin and let things slide, or you decide be the bigger person you will continue to suffer. But you are not interested in resolving matters, you only want your ego validated. It's getting old now, Nadz. Have some respect for yourself and quit whining, after a point it becomes disgraceful.
And, no, don't compete with your SIL. Wish her well and do it in your MIL's presence not to make MIL look bad but as an act of goodwill. Bring some barkat/blessings in your studying.
I know that your MIL doesn't share a blood relationship with you as you do with your FIL, but she's an elder and she's "like" your mom. You keep expecting your MIL to surrender first......what if your own daughters expect you to bow down to them first even when they are also wrong? Right now, they're young and can't reason well. But when your daughters are older and able to think logically....what if they refuse to show you any consideration until you yield to them first? How would you feel? You would be hurt. It's not right what both you and MIL are doing, you are two grown women acting like children and setting a poor example for the actual children in the home (your daughters). You both are teaching the kids to satisfy their ego and to place it ahead of etiquette and relationships.
When your MIL complains to your husband that you don't talk to her or ask about her....you only see the complaint. You don't see that she also desires some positive attention from you just like you want that from her. You're mimicking or copying each other in poor behavior, perhaps you'll also mimic each other in positive behavior. Maybe if you soften towards her first and keep it up, she'll soften toward you.
The responses here are bloody amazing. Nadz please do what these people say, it will really strengthen your relationship with your MIL.
Chaskaybaz Homewreckers
The responses here are bloody amazing. Nadz please do what these people say, it will really strengthen your relationship with your MIL.
Chaskaybaz Homewreckers
The fact tht there are any responses at all is bloody amazing. :)
The responses here are bloody amazing. Nadz please do what these people say, it will really strengthen your relationship with your MIL.
Chaskaybaz Homewreckers
You know as annoying as Nadz's threads can be...and I admit that they are......I'll give her credit for one thing: As much as she is mocked and bashed by us, she rarely responds back in a nasty manner. Defensive, sure. But rarely is she mean. So, this shows that she does indeed have the capacity to respond to people with more patience and in a better way than they treat her.....and that is a positive trait about her, MashaAllah. Now, if only she would exercise this trait with her MIL and not just the members of GS.
You know as annoying as Nadz's threads can be...and I admit that they are......I'll give her credit for one thing: As much as she is mocked and bashed by us, she rarely responds back in a nasty manner. Defensive, sure. But rarely is she mean. So, this shows that she does indeed have the capacity to respond to people with more patience and in a better way than they treat her.....and that is a positive trait about her, MashaAllah. Now, if only she would exercise this trait with her MIL and not just the members of GS.
You're right.
But could that be cause she doesn't read the replies?
But could that be cause she doesn't read the replies?
Hmmm, haan yeh bhi ho sakta hai. But people tend to check out the shorter posts because they are easier read and it's often the shorter ones that contain digs or insulting quips. So, even if she were to skim or read every other post, she would still come across mockery/bashing. She can't miss it. Her time is now more occupied by her 2 kids and exam, but even before having children...she rarely responded nastily though she had more time and fewer obligations.
So you are allowed to study and I am assuming someone in the house look after the kids while you are busy studying/taking classes? Looks like your in-laws are not that bad after all
They don't look after kids in the sense so that I may revise
Kids r with me or watching TV or of they r with them its not becauseof me needing to revise
Its the lack of concern that is there
For eg I went loo left book on table my kids scribbled all over it my in laws didn't budge.no value for my work they were sitting there in the same room
However if same thing had happened to their daughters books there would have been major hell