I moved to New York a year and a half ago after I got married. I miss home I have no friends here, I am sorry but seems like New york is Paindu’s R US. All the people I have come across are so paindu, all my hubby’s friends have fobby wives who talk about chooriyoon kay design and kameez kee length.
I have no friends at work cuz I work with these old ladies who constantly babble about their teenagers. I mean how does one go around meeting nice intellectually compatible friends that might share your interests???
I feel like all i do is cook, clean go to work and then start the routine up again.
Are their any social organizations in new york that are a happy medium, between snotty wannabe Abc’s and paindu’s r us???
Well as for your dilema...I can see where you are coming from. How is your hubby helping you out with this? What kind of people do you like to hang out with?
hi.. first if u r lookin to make friends. u need to drop the im too good for th paindu wives thing... they might not have the same intrest as u an u dont have to associate with them but jus because u might think u r on an intectually higher level than them.. doesnt mean they actually r beneath u.. (sorry u made it sound liek that...)
As for groups.. Im from NY n there r alotta ppl who might not be "fobby" ... liek u might wanna try to attend events there.. an believe me there r alotta desi events such as fundraising... n there r always eid parties. in restarants where u pay like 20-100 bucks a head depends on the restaurant) an u can meet ppl there.. PPL who wont discuss chooriyan and kameez length (however keepin up with the trend has never harmed anyone) and there is the community calender.. im sure u can find ppl u can relate to.. so dont despair.. life may seem to be stuck in a rut but the right kinda ppl will come along...
umm masjid is also a god place to meet ppl... the ones in longisland (the only one i went to was a ood place to meet ppl)
yaar i'll agree with Devilicious, go to masjid, go to more desi events, and give those fobby wives another chance...kya khayal hae? it'll take time but dont give up
good luck n hope things work out
p.s. btw welcome to GS u're new here huh? nice to have u around and its great to see u contributing to this forum :)
How long have u been in NYC? it takes time to get settled in a place. You may want to talk to your husband about it as well, he may know more events or more people.
In the end it is all up to you, but when you start looking at ppl as paindu fobs, or abcds, you may be excluding some really good people just because of the way they look or the way they talk. who knows maybe they may be thinking the they dunn wanna associate with a fob burger..know what I mean?
You dont have to have all interests in common with people, some would work..being social and making freinds are 2 diff things, being social will broaden your circle..maybe some of the abcds or paindus as u call em have their friends who are on the same wavelength as you.
One of my good pals now is the husband of my wife's pal, who is pal's with this other girl married to this (paindu by yer terms) guy i know..so had we not met these ppl and hung out with the first couple we would probably not have run into the second couple cuz thats their pals. and even the first guy is pretty cool.
I'm a new yorker and I'd have to agree wtih what Devilicious and Fraudia said. You need to look beyond the paindu-ness and if you can't than you need to go out and make friends, people won't come and become friends with you. You need to make the effort, and masjids are always a good start. Westbury masjid in long island is a really good way to start, because it's one of the oldest masjids in long island. A lot of people go there.
Anyhow, good luck. NY has a lot to offer, provided that you are willing to keep an open mind about it and not term it exclusively a "fob town" which it is, but it's much more than that.
yes you have to kind of bide your time and meet people because some people lead to other BUT honestly..,.some people lead to dead ends and others like them. Guys may not have this experience because at least men can chat about politics, work and economics...that changes and at least gets your thinking.
When I moved to the west coast..I've met a ton of stay at home wive types..or gals who work but were so stuck on just food, clothes and jewelery it drove me batty..but I hung out with them because they were the only desis i know. Now they are nice friends i see once in a while but i can only handle in small doses...
I've now thankfully met a few really good friends and thru them you meet others but it takes time and you have to go out...
I wasn't clear if you were only looking for desi friends...There are muslim professional groups, social service organizations, join a book club..etc. ways to meet others that are interested in what you are...and build your social circle. Let me know how it goes because it looks like we'll be moving to NYC...manhatten by next summer and i'll be follwoing your foot steps to meet people too!
I totally understand your dilemma, Bahubegum. There is no need for you to put up with the paindoo bhabhees and baajees who got nothing better than to count eachother's gold bangles. I say screw them and their Haandees.
I really feel for you. First thing you do is stop going to those idiotic weekend dinners where all they do is wear new suits freshly off the plane from Pakistan over their deodorant-less bodies and eat greasy nehari. Guys sit in one room discussing politics , women in the other checking out eachother's outfits (they are so ewww that they would even touch eachother's stuff and do fake taareef) and children running between the two rooms.
You are definitely better than this. Just the fact that you are thinking means you are on the right track. And say F U to the idiots above who are asking u to ask your hubby to help. Screw him. Make your own friends. Go to community events and scout similar minded people. I bet they are in the same boat as you... wish u luck and do keep me updated.
Bahubegum: i am happy for the paindo ppl cause they dont have to meet worhtless ppl like ur self.... its one thing to complain about not having similar intrests but another to thikn that u r above them because one day allah will cut u down to size
Woah!!! man, is this how you guys welcome new people here???
anyway i am really sorry if I came across as being Oh I am so above all of the paindus. But that was not it. I just had the flash back of going to the pakistan day parade, where people were throwing food on the floor and yelling and cursing people because they were blocking their view and they couldn't hear abrar singing. With that vision I called those people paindu.
I am from Chicago, and I am sorrybut the desis there are different. Maybe I should have not used the term "Paindu"at all because it seems like I stepped on alot of people's toes.
As far as meeting people, i did go to the masjid ( westbury)and all the aunties were concerned about if i was married and if I were did i have any kids. I tried talking to couple of the younger women but they were busy running after their kids.
As far as a social life I dont have one, because my hubby has a huge family and all of our social life revolves around going to their parties.
Bahubegum (still recovering from all the tamatars and anday) :)
Having no social life and hanging out with same relatives again and again and again can get monotonous…it is pretty sad actually. I think you and your husband should participate in activities that are of interest to both of you. Unlike Funguy, I wouldn’t suggest you to go your own way but you can still screw your husband as per his advice.
You sound like a house-wife who has lots of time on her hands…Trust me, you are not alone. Most desi girls are like that. Some guys prefer house wives and I think they owe their wives more time and attention than those who marry working women. You may disagree. I would suggest that you find yourself a job or get yourself busy in a constructive manner. Do volunteer work for the needy…there is a great satisfaction and opportunities of socialization in that. Good luck :-)
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by funguy: *
I totally understand your dilemma, Bahubegum. There is no need for you to put up with the paindoo bhabhees and baajees who got nothing better than to count eachother's gold bangles. I say screw them and their Haandees.
I really feel for you. First thing you do is stop going to those idiotic weekend dinners where all they do is wear new suits freshly off the plane from Pakistan over their deodorant-less bodies and eat greasy nehari. Guys sit in one room discussing politics , women in the other checking out eachother's outfits (they are so ewww that they would even touch eachother's stuff and do fake taareef) and children running between the two rooms.
You are definitely better than this. Just the fact that you are thinking means you are on the right track. And say F U to the idiots above who are asking u to ask your hubby to help. Screw him. Make your own friends. Go to community events and scout similar minded people. I bet they are in the same boat as you... wish u luck and do keep me updated.
[/QUOTE]
lol talk about hitting the nail on the head! i love the part about shalwar kameezes fresh off the plain etc etc It is soooo truee!!!
but you do sound quite snobbish funguy, whats wrong with you, are all desi people beneath you? :p
Actually quite opposite to what Boss thought I am not a house wife, I have a job, a full time job, and am also a full time house wife, I have to cook and clean like everyone does and then have my career.
see that's the thing with all of us why do we like putting people in boxes, acha she is a housewife and us ka mian aisa ho ga, oh she is a career woman so she probably has no time for house work. What about people who are not typical.
The purpose of this whole thread was to get an idea of what will be good ideas to meet new people who I can share common interests with. It was not to put paindu's down or get admonished for views.
anyway I did get some good pointers and i'll go from there.
but you do sound quite snobbish funguy, whats wrong with you, are all desi people beneath you? :p
[/QUOTE]
No, I am not a snob...far from it. It just pisses me off when I see people giving advice they will never follow themselves. Bahybegum was honest in her approach but these guppies came down on her asking her if she thinks she is better than paindoos. Just like you are asking me if I consider people beneath me. I do NOT. But I hvae the right to dislike certain aspects or behavior people display. What's wrong with that?.
I bet none of you like meeting boring people who you have nothing in common with. Then why question BB?
hahahahha dont be callin my beautiful NYC paindu’s r us !!
yar look beyond the snobs and paindus
i lived there all my life and had alot of good friends
i cud go on and on abt this
but rite now i dont feel like typing all of it
go out, make ur own friends. u dont have to deal with ppl u have nothing in common. but i think its kinda good to know how to act when u do meet those wanna be types or paindus. one of the socializing skills i guess.
BBji: I know what u are on about. I am not married and all, but whenever there is some desi get-together.. I can see the women sitting in a seperate room.. mostly kitchen( urghh.. how I hate it) and gossiping away about their MILs or about their neighbors.. or checking out the sarees, dresses or jewellery.. or discussing the prices of the diapers and baby wipes.. THAT is so damn pathetic! And I shudder at the thought of getting married to some typical desi.. and transforming into one of those kitchen loving .. gossip queens.
You better start finding some excuses for not attending such gatherings. And start making friends at your workplace( except for the old ones u mentioned). I am sure people there have better things to talk about than each others clothing and their kid's soiled diapers.
hey , i live in connecticut and i moved here more then 5 yrs ago and i am not above any1 , but bahubegum is right, u just cant mingle with every toman , dicken and harian, i too feel very lonly:teary1:
funguy..that is such a familar site at desi gatherings hahaha