i hate this ******* process

[CorruptAngel]

Re: i hate this ******* process

someone in my family went through similar stuff- she was against arranged marriage, liked someone in college, everyone knew about it and anticipated marriage and a few months before they were suppose to get engaged, the guy 'cheated' on her and they broke up. 3 months later, she was engaged to her ex's best friend. obviously, there were all these speculations up in the air, some people even doubting how they decide to get married only 3 months after her previous breakup, etc etc.. .

That's very unfortunate...I know a friend who is overall a very nice girl. She went through the traditional arranged rishta process over a year ago, got engaged to a guy and was trying to get to know the guy,when after a couple months or so finds out that he was with some other girl and he never even intended to marry his fiance! I have heard how rishta process is so painful and I wonder what this girl experienced going through such an awkward situation...?

You can choose whatever method but in the end it's your kismat and the decision whether you made it or your parents did!

[yourfriend]

Re: i hate this ******* process

cos i don't think somebody else can pick a mate for you, even if it is your parents, and cos you can't pick a mate based on an awkward-half hour of chai, samosas and small talk. marriage is a big deal and to be happy in a marriage should be a personal right, as much as the right to eat when you're hungry and sleep when you're tired, not a privilege or a stroke of luck. i think that at least in a "love" marriage, you go with your eyes open into this major commitment and life change and know what you're agreeing to- it doesn't mean the marriage will always succeed, but it does mean you're responsible for your own choices. generally speaking, i don't see that in arranged marriages where theres often a lot of pressure to please parents and families, and less focus on whether couple is actually compatible and like each other.

obviously i feel strongly about this :p

No, thats not the way of arranged marriage.....just for FYI...this token is not much more followed among educated parents anymore
.....if that was the way Your parents wanted you to pick someone within One half an hour chai samosa party thingy.. then no wonder why u r so against of it. :p

[Sara516]

Re: i hate this ******* process

^ So how is it done nowadays? Sadly, i don’t have much experience with that..

[Lafanter]

Re: i hate this ******* process

lol
stop crying
i m available for marriage
everything in one package ready to use lol

[Ira]

Re: i hate this ******* process

I know with my husband's rishta or any other rishta for that matter, my parents invited them over. I never did the parade thing or took any chai for them, my sis did all of that :D A few times my parents also tried meeting the dude outside somewhere instead of bringing them home the very first time. Anyhow, in some cases, i spoke to the guy over the phone before they came and sometimes i didnt. But anyhow, even after we met with family around, we spoke on the phone quite a few times if we both initially liked each other. With my husband's rishta, since i have had a bad experience with my ex fiance, my parents were really really lenient. I waited several months before making a decision, tried to find out as much about him as we could, talked to ppl he knew etc, met his family in pakistan, asked around about them etc. I took my sweet time and i am so glad he was patient enough to wait for me :)

Phew, that was long. But atleast this is how we did it my time. For my sister's time, we kinda knew the guy and his family way back when but he came to our place and had to go through the whole interview thing. And this time it wasnt my sister who was examined, it was my now-BIL. Hubs says his hands were shaking, he was so nervous, poor thing.

[beenii03]

Re: i hate this ******* process

I didn't use a special technique...Each person's situation is different and I think it's upto 714 to find out what will work in her situation. My situation was even more messed up because I knew who I wanted to marry but he was from a different culture and my dad didn't want to agree but it took a lot of guts and a lot of time and hardship to stand upto him and tell him in plain and simple words that I do not believe in the rishta process and I will only marry the person I like..

did it work out?

[somegroovychick]

Re: i hate this ******* process

No, thats not the way of arranged marriage.....just for FYI...this token is not much more followed among educated parents anymore .....if that was the way Your parents wanted you to pick someone within One half an hour chai samosa party thingy.. then no wonder why u r so against of it. :p

ok, so how do you guys do it? give me an example of how couples meet each other in your family.

as far as i've seen, couples-to-be aren't allowed to date, or get to know each other beyond a few phone calls and/or emails, and in my mind, that does not make a relationship. does it make the process marginally easier? i guess if it works out, then yes. if not, its just even more awkward. i cant even begin to guess how you judge the other person's values, their thoughts, and their feelings on general things, let alone on bigger topics like children, money management, relationships, work, etc. in such a brief time period. whats the first email? "hey, i liked your eyes. btw, how do you feel about children in 5 years?"

and then, too, what about the timeline? how many phone calls/emails are you allowed before one or the other set of parents pulls the plug?

its been said too many times here, so just once more, IMO people need to be able to choose the process thats right for them. they should be able to choose between having an arranged marriage- and awesome beans if they meet their partners and live happily ever after-, and finding their own partner- without comments on their character or parent/society-set timelines or other weird rules in this option.

also, i didnt mean the girls still serve tea-- that was just a general example of the menu :p

[Skittlez]

Re: i hate this ******* process

I have another question… do people still exchange photos while doing the rishta process? And lets say it doesnt work out… you do ask for the picture back right? I would hate to think that it still exists… I remember a few years ago my friend’s brother was getting married and the moron bought the girl’s picture to school to show anyone who was interested… I’m sure the parents must do the same thing… showing everyone the girl’s picture and criticizing her.

[somegroovychick]

Re: i hate this ******* process

^ LOL @ showing the pic around school
thats bad!

actually, wayyyy back when, years ago now, i remember my mom was going thru a box of old pics and she came across one from someone who had sent in a pic of this girl for my dad- obviously before he met and married mum.
she just quietly flushed it down the toilet! haha my mom is a funny lady! she was actually a bit jealous despite three kids and i dont know how many years of marriage at that point.

so yes, i hope the pics get returned :p

[Skittlez]

Re: i hate this ******* process

Lol why did he keep it?

[PrinceMS]

Re: i hate this ******* process

^ memories? its fun to look at pix / memories after couple of years.

You guys should see ARRANGED movie, its about a muslim gurl and jewish gurl (who become friends) and how they have to go through processes to pick a guy. Show culture differences and similarities ...

[somegroovychick]

Re: i hate this ******* process

^ i think it was an oversight.... it got slipped in with some family pics and so i guess mum came across it many years later.

[Miss_Mohabbat]

Re: i hate this ******* process

They get easier. And a lot more fun. I love staring the guy out in front of his mother. Its amazing to see their reactions.

I do get slaps when they leave, but its the only way to make my family understand that losers will not be tolerated.

Im quite chalak, I say yes to meeting everyone to lure my family into a false sense of security and then when the people turn up I act like a proper b!tch. Its all good. This is only works if you don't want to be married. If you do then yes you have to wear the dupatta on you head and serve chai and samosay.

[S02]

Re: i hate this ******* process

If you have siblings or cousins near by, ask them to accompany you and the rishta and go out for coffee or ice cream or something. You're more likely to get a chance to talk and get to know each other. Things are probably less awkward that way than meeting with parents.

[bhenjee]

Re: i hate this ******* process

awww.. this is a cute thread. well 714, HANG IN THERE. you just have to go thru this time and noone can help that. however, you should think that each new day brings you closer to the end of this painful period of rishta findin/rejecting. and trust me.. we all here (atleast the majority) had to wear these shoes and this is exactly how it felt like! however, now that that phase is over, we don't turn back and think about it b/c this new phase is so much better and something we'd all been waiting for our lives... insha'Allah very soon you'll be boardin ur boat into this next period of ur life and u will never look back. :)

as for the trends these days... don't know if anyone else experienced that.. but we're lookin for rishtas for 2 of my cousins.. and it's pretty sad how the guy's family (basically his mom and sisters) ask odious questions like,, ohhh did u take osap........?? do u hav to pay it off...

like they're already calculating how the new bahu will take over their son's bank accounts! for me atleast this is quite a deciding factor on how superficial and manipulative the family is and how they wud create havoc in my cousins' or any other larki's married life...

[Shea]

hate as much as u want. hona vohi hai jo parents chahain ge.phir idher ake post kero ge...HYEEE woh kitnay achay hain. mujhay rooz jalaibian doodh main bheego bheego ke khilatay hain. woh mere ser ke taj, main unke wallet ki minister :@:

OMG lol hw cn ppl be so funny

[Sara516]

Re: i hate this ******* process

wow a 2.5 year old thread revived…aur woh bhi kya post

[socrates]

Re: i hate this ******* process