i hate this ******* process

[Sara516]

Re: i hate this ******* process

@Mirch

I like your reply the best coming from one who went throgh the process.
Is this a new fashion to hate every thing desi ? Is it a fashion to consider the desi parents backward if they want to arrange a wedding for their beloved daughter ?

Not necessarily. The rishta process can be very superficial and often times the way it’s done is akin to a transaction… I don’t doubt that ppl can find a good partner from it, but like Sahar said, if you don’t fit into a certain “mold”, it might be difficult.

The reason that most girls back home don’t hate the arranged marriage thing so much is because that even though love marriage is becoming wide-spread, I still don’t think its as prevalent enough to be an easy alternative. Here, while you have some families on both extremes (“love” only or, ore often, arranged only), the general consensus is that both are options.

Also, I don’t think that arranged marriage itself is “backward” but rather the fact that often times it is the only option allowed, whether the groom/bride to be likes it or not. Add to the problem that the spouse has to be this ethnicity, they have to be this caste or zaat, they have to be this cousin etc. And when you don’t fit into that criteria (for women= looks, for men = wallet), it can be next to impossible.

@yourfriend

they do the same thing when their love marriage falls apart. so u can’t really use this as an example.
at least in arranged marriage you have the option to freely talk about your issues with your family… but in love marriages, these chances are pretty limited 'cause you know everyone is gonna blame you first ‘hey, but that was your choice’.. nahi?

I’m tempted to say that’s really messed up of hte families to do that but unfortunately more often than not, it is true. As sad as it is to admit, when theres an arranged marriage, u can always blame the parents, even if in just a fit of anger.

@Sahar02

I feel if you don’t fit into one of the two categories:

• slender, long haired, fair, gorgeous
• decent-looking and cooks and cleans well and wants lots of babies

then the typical rishta process is unlikely to work for you. Mainly because when it is the parents initiating and looking, they are looking for the above qualities and it’s hard for them to make decisions about attraction and chemistry. Attraction and chemistry are so hard to define, and different people meeting in different situations have different reactions to each other. With the rishta process, going with your parents to meet a potential mate, the whole thing becomes so watered down that it’s hard to develop a personal connection that you want to pursue. So we then rely on superficial qualities to help make our decisions, in the end passing up great rishtas just because we didn’t have a chance to “click” in someone’s chaperoned living room.

@MehnazQ

714, I honestly don’t think there is a girl alive who enjoys the rishta process. It’s ok to feel how you are feeling.

I am sure your parents only want the best for you, which is why they tell you to act the way you do. You have to remember that most parents are from a different generation and they like to stay within that generation in terms of their thinking when it comes to something like this.

Have you tried talking to them? Have you told your mom how you feel? Can they meet you half way? Ask them if they are willing to do that … some parents are ok with having their daughter talk to the guy first via e-mail. Exchange photos, see if this is something you even want to do in person. That just saves everybody from wasting a lot of time.

If you DO meet someone you really are serious about, don’t be afraid of telling your parents. What’s the worse that will happen? They will go ballistic. After that, they will calm down and talk to you about it. Don’t be scared though.

When you find the right person, and when they look into your eyes, trust me, you will feel it and you will know it is right. Until then, try not to feel so pressurized and talk to your parents.

Perfect advices :k: