she annoys me like hell and can never understand me, we are two different people..
i feel like she loves her brothers and sisters over me, despite all ive done for her through her illness
she gives me taney towards some people in our family that she hates and I get on with because I refuse to hate someone because of some 30 yr old feud regarding my uncles and aunts
she pumps my father against me, tells himbad things about me just to get her own way in her manipulative way
she is an extremely negative person whereas i’m an optimist
it all makes ma resort to staying in my room away from everyone…so depressing
she annoys me like hell and can never understand me, we are two different people..
i feel like she loves her brothers and sisters over me, despite all ive done for her through her illness
she gives me taney towards some people in our family that she hates and I get on with because I refuse to hate someone because of some 30 yr old feud regarding my uncles and aunts
she pumps my father against me, tells himbad things about me just to get her own way in her manipulative way
she is an extremely negative person whereas i'm an optimist
it all makes ma resort to staying in my room away from everyone....so depressing
Please don't believe that your MOTHER hates you - no mother is capable of that......what you feel could be the result of some misunderstandings....talk to your mum, sit down/write to her - but just you two sort it out...
Kabhi kabhi bahar waloh kah suneh seh humare rishteh bigar jateh hai...
I am sorry about this situation has disaster written all over it. "sit down with her and openly discuss these things out with her. see what she says." attitude will not get you anywhere. If you want to mend things between u and your mother then I suggest you seek professional help.
I do kind of know where you are coming from, although my mum wasn’t mentally ill, she has gone through a lot of c**p in her life, and for some reason she took it out on me:teary1: , despite ME being the one who supported her, I was th pne who tried to hold her together when my sister ran away, I was the one who stayed hungry with her for a week when my sister wouldn’t come home…apart from this, I have suppported her emotionally, financially, physically…I did all that because she is my mum…then when I need her through my miscarriages and health issues…she refused to be and wasn’t there for me:teary1: …she supported my sister through pregnancy etc and slaves for her…but I am nothing…
THEN I realised I can’t live without my mum…I made the phone call…I cried with her, at her and about her…things are 100% but they never ever will be the way they were before…all I have to do is keep trying…she is my mum:blush: …
“External inputs” have a lot to contribute…
I can’t explain in this short msg that I KNOW how you must be feeling…there is a lot more that went into this…what I am saying is…it’s your mum…maa toh maa hotee hai…
3 months ago, I felt like you…now with the support of my imaan, and allah swt teachings and the stuff on the internet about islam (and some great friends on GS) I can see through the dark…
I will pray for your strong relationship with your mum…
Chunni, obviously your mother is in pretty bad shape and is way too dependent on you. You can't expect to have a 'normal' mother-daughter relationship from her in her state if you've never had it before. Maybe you need to just make peace with that fact. At some point you will have to move on with your own life. I get the sense you're not really looking for advice but just venting. You must be stressed out and mourning the fact that you don't have a mother in the traditional sense. You have every right to feel that way. But at some point when you accept the situation may never change, you need to find comfort in other relationships. You will move on one day and live a happy life with no negative influences. One day you'll be able to control that. Right now stay strong and just pray for her.
Oh if its psychosis its different. Keep her on her medications and ignore her hurtful actions/remarks. Chances are its not really her, but the disease and/or drugs. Part of it is just how you choose to react to it.
she has been through psychosis, 4 suicide attempts in the past 20 yrs
paranoia
**
i have to take the crap because im her daughter**
i cant say anything back because i know she was mentally ill
i got her through her depression, got her home help, councilling and even controlled her meds for her as no1 else would help her
she does not appreciate me
i cant move out because i know she will be ill without me again and not take care of herself and stop takin meds
if she stops takin meds then she will go back to her psychosis stage
no win situation
No matter what .. she is STILL ur MOM! She is the one who stayed up all night when u were hungry n crying the heck out!! She is the one who helped u go through ur childhood .. y neglect those stuff now when she is getting old. Learn to have patience. RESPECT!!
Its a shame that ppl like u come on forum and reveal that ur mom is a psycho n attempted to suicide 4 times. You should be looking after her and try to figure out on ur own how to deal with her. She is YOUR mom .. NO ONE can know her better than her own daughter.
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i have to take the crap because im her daughter**
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I am speechless. Yes I know u might think that how can I feel such thing when I didnt even go through it but I still know :-)
Think of this way, suppose u were at the age n stage of ur mom and was going through the same deals and have the same daughter as u r .. what would u expect from your daughter? Would u not be hurt if u found out that ur daughter is talking about u being psycho on a FORUM! May be this can help ..
Keep in mind this illness isnt her fault. She isnt doing these things intentionally to hurt you or anyone else. There isnt much you can do to stop her from doing these things other then make sure she is taking her meds and is seeking professional help on a regular basis.
Be patient....afterall she is your mother and she deserves that much from you.
This is another Asian culture thing that mothers do. They hate the child who takes care of them and love ones who hur them. I have seen this in many families and across many Asian communities. I dunno if this something universal.
She doesnt hate you, she is ill. you are already doing so much for her, just ignore her and dont expect any apperciation from herself. you know you are doing best you can for her, so be pleased with yourself and efforts. and dont hate her. as saimanyc said you will eventually move on. its silly to expect all normal behavior from her given her status of mind.
I do not agree one bit with this line of thinking, where would she go to vent, where would she go to get support? to our community? to the khandaan? and get the same lectures that you are giving her here?
People need to vent, and our societal taboos, norms and shrama-hazoori does not allow them to. why is it so wrong that she wants to share that her mother has a condition, and due to that condition she is having a hard time and is uder stress?
Forums are not just for hee hee haw haw all the time. At times people here can be objective folks who can just give a shoulder to lean on.
She is not posting her mothers picture, street address and passing it out to the community. she is respecting her mother by going to a place where she can maintain her anonymity, vent a little to get some stuff off her chest and just hear some perspective from others.
Chunni. I think u are very strong for doing what you are doing, and I think you are brave to post this here because many people cant do that.
My advise, be strong, have more members of your family involved in her care, you should not carry the responsibility alone.
there are support groups for people in situations like yours, please go to your local hospital they usually would be able to provide you info on groups because many times they actually meet on hospital premises.
People often forget that when someone is sick, its not just that person who is suffering but the family and the caretakers as well.
Some of us are lucky to have healthy parents who take care of us and not the other way round.
For quite some time i wanted to open a thread on children who have parents with chronic debilitating illness. But i wondered if there were enough people here who could provide a first hand experience. I have seen a few teenagers who take care of their ill parents and the faces tell of depression they are going thru.
You will know a lot when u actually ineract with real patients.
chunni ! no offense but if she has a phychological problem / depression/ personality disorder for past many years than yr doctor might have told u that there's a great chance for her first degree relatives to get affected the same way at some point during life , think u being her daughter if get sick the same way ( god forbid) than how would u deal with that helpless situation ?? i'll bet u'll rely on yr kid for that . ..................
u need to discuss her situation with her doctor and ask for advice and assisstance , hope i would help...
