I don’t actually
But she just pisses me off so much
We have been living together for 4years now. We did have differences also which were mainly because she was wrong, refer prev threads if u wanna judge.
Today she asked me about a dress to which I said it’s at my mums place so she was like you seem to be shifting there. Huh
I said I have many dawats when I am there so I need to keep some there and some here. Here toh noone comes neither are we invited anywhere since she’s cut off types.
Later in the day I was telling my husband that my aunty was telling how thick my hair were when I was a child and my daughter doesn’t have such. To which she interfered from another room saying I have seen your school pic and how thin your hairs were. I just kept quiet coz she’s over hearing our convos.. I I hate her so So much but still have to be with her coz my husband doesn’t want to go abroad and we can’t move out being in a conservative society. What do I do. She s mean to me all the time, remarks on my shadi time fair complexion and now not and everything. Husband just listens to all this since he can’t take sides and I don’t want any confrontation. Please help and advice or the most make dua. Thanks
What do you do all day? Do you work? Do you stay home with your daughter and if so, do you take her out to places? Do you volunteer? Do you go out with your female friends?
If all your MIL is doing is making rude/annoying comments, then you need to learn to ignore it. You are not a newlywed. It's been 4-years. You had a love marriage so you knew how your husband's personality was before you married him. And after 4 years of marriage, you know that your husband and MIL is not going to change. You have a daughter now. As a mother, you have bigger things to worry about then MIL making comments about your dress or how your hair looked as a child. Find things to do to keep yourself busy so you don't have time or energy to worry about stupid stuff like this.
i dont think you can suddenly change your personality to ignore taunts. i say make life hell for MIL. tell her in no uncertain terms - behave or i'll make your life hell. revenge is the best dish served in hot container. etc.
nobody can change overnight.....but accepting that you have to change your approach to things changes the focus and relieves at least some of the frustration.
You can yourself read from my previous threads about how I was wrong.. Please don't judge me here.
Sorry I was just kidding. Regardless of the fact that who is right or who is wrong, I can imagine that living with a person whom you don't like can be a torture.
If your hubby at least acknowledges the fact that your MIL is unreasonable then you can use that in your advantage. You can tell him that you are going to talk to his mother.
Don't fight, keep your calm, start by asking her if she has any issues with you, dont react if she gives you a list of issues, just say that just like you have - I also have some issues, tell her your issues, and then promise that you will work on her concerns, and can she work on your concerns.
Communicating is the only way out of such situations.
It seems that you might not be the easiest person to get along with, sometimes people use humour to diffuse a situation, if her purpose is to annoy you then by getting annoyed you make her win, if you laugh it off and retort with a joke than she will think twice. Try humour next time..like oh no mummy ji I wouldn't move to my moms house as I get so much love from husbands mom..or..I cant move to my moms house as you need someone here to taunt lol and laugh. Or I dont mind if my daughter has my hair as long as she doesnt have a mil like mine..lol. be witty
I went through some of your threads and i would suggest you to move out. Leave the mess behind you. Talk to your hubby, tell him to give a certain amount of his earning to his mother and you guys live on your own. Sure, he has a responsibility towards his parents, but you can't expose your kids to such a toxic environment where there is such a huge mess.
Of course, you will be bad guy here but there is nothing you can do to change his family problems. 4 years is a long time! Only in Hum dramas you can put up with crap, stay quiet and eventually things will work out. This is real life.
I wish elders and / or authority figures would not abuse their positions. Pointing out physical flaws, real or perceived, is very rude. You are older, please act in a dignified manner. Otherwise when your children move out you don't know what hit you. There is a way to behave with adult children and their spouses.
In the same way, children should respect their parents and in laws as well and try to compromise. Remember you shall be old too one day and not as able bodied. But everything can be done to a certain level.
Where do you live? When we got married, my husband rented a place within minutes of his parent's house (father in law actually walked to our place) i think his sister and father didn't like that he rented a place days after our marriage but he didn't listen.... We didn't actually move until a couple of months later...(this in Lahore btw)....
Getting a separate place doesn't mean one is abandoning his parents....Hopefully you can make your husband see that....
Sometimes when people are bored (like MIL's) they have nothing to do but just randomly talk about random things. Best thing you should do is ignore. it's been 4 years, you should have figured out a balance by now, as that's a long time. just concentrate on yourself, your daughter, and live your life. life is too short to get caught up in her words that shouldn't hold much weight.
I mean come on, a stupid comment about her saying how your hair was thin should be the least of your worries !!!
Sometimes when people are bored (like MIL's) they have nothing to do but just randomly talk about random things. Best thing you should do is ignore. it's been 4 years, you should have figured out a balance by now, as that's a long time. just concentrate on yourself, your daughter, and live your life. life is too short to get caught up in her words that shouldn't hold much weight.
I mean come on, a stupid comment about her saying how your hair was thin should be the least of your worries !!!
Agreed but she said in the past her MIL has debts because of someone who said she will be getting lots of $$$ if she gave him some $$$. Turns out the lady went into a huge debt and the sons sold their wives jewelry to pay it off. Unacceptable! Not just that, every now and then she has some issues. I would seriously suggest moving out.
OP and family can go visit them but at least she can keep the mess out of her life and her kids.
^^ while I agree selling the jewelry was a very bad move, it doesn't mean comments on your complexion or having acne (like in her previous post) is that big of a deal to (almost) hate your mother in law !!!
If you have pimples, and someone points it out, yes it can be something to be a little upset over because no one wants those, yet, it's the same as someone saying "you have eyebrows". A fact is a fact. Or, if someone denies that you are fair skinned, when you are, then why hold on to frustration? What will be achieved over a stupid comment? Get what I mean?
I'm just saying, it's petty to dwell on this. if I was OP, I would be more focused on my kid, helping her to be a better reader or teaching her kindness so she grows up a lovely girl. Or, learning new recipes to please my family, etc etc.. Not caught up in lame comments a MIL passes on.
If nonsense things like these are dwelled upon, it makes me wonder how she is handling (and avoiding hyper ventilating) over real issues like having your jewelry being sold. I know my words seem a bit harsh, but sit back and think about the (non) gravity of the situation.
^^ while I agree selling the jewelry was a very bad move, it doesn't mean comments on your complexion or having acne (like in her previous post) is that big of a deal to (almost) hate your mother in law !!!
If you have pimples, and someone points it out, yes it can be something to be a little upset over because no one wants those, yet, it's the same as someone saying "you have eyebrows". A fact is a fact. Or, if someone denies that you are fair skinned, when you are, then why hold on to frustration? What will be achieved over a stupid comment? Get what I mean?
I'm just saying, it's petty to dwell on this. if I was OP, I would be more focused on my kid, helping her to be a better reader or teaching her kindness so she grows up a lovely girl. Or, learning new recipes to please my family, etc etc.. Not caught up in lame comments a MIL passes on.
If nonsense things like these are dwelled upon, it makes me wonder how she is handling (and avoiding hyper ventilating) over real issues like having your jewelry being sold. I know my words seem a bit harsh, bu
t sit back and think about the (non) gravity of the situation.
OP said she doesn't hate her MIL but she pisses her off a lot. Honestly, her acts would piss off any woman. I would rather stay away from such a negative person. No reason to hang around someone who belittles you. Respect yourself and others will respect you.
On what planet is it justified to pass comments on someone's face ? Acne etc? It's rude.
Eastern is right. Our people have no sense of decency and it shows in how we interact with each other. We don't give our daughters to families so they can get gaalian.
These things are being said in front of the girl's kids. The kids are watching their grandmother put their mom down. I don't know what I'd do if I saw that. Probably tear up the grandma's room.
This is all damaging. Very damaging. Unhealthy. And you people want her to be a doormat and put up with it.
^^ while I agree selling the jewelry was a very bad move, it doesn't mean comments on your complexion or having acne (like in her previous post) is that big of a deal to (almost) hate your mother in law !!!
If you have pimples, and someone points it out, yes it can be something to be a little upset over because no one wants those, yet, it's the same as someone saying "you have eyebrows". A fact is a fact. Or, if someone denies that you are fair skinned, when you are, then why hold on to frustration? What will be achieved over a stupid comment? Get what I mean?
I'm just saying, it's petty to dwell on this. if I was OP, I would be more focused on my kid, helping her to be a better reader or teaching her kindness so she grows up a lovely girl. Or, learning new recipes to please my family, etc etc.. Not caught up in lame comments a MIL passes on.
If nonsense things like these are dwelled upon, it makes me wonder how she is handling (and avoiding hyper ventilating) over real issues like having your jewelry being sold. I know my words seem a bit harsh, but sit back and think about the (non) gravity of the situation.
I don't think it is just the comments though. Sometimes these things keep building up until u have no patience for them. Maybe the OP is giving these examples because these are the most recent. I have a feeling that this goes on all the time for OP to get worked up.
Also, sometimes when u are just sick of a person being rude, everything they do can be annoying.