I hate my mother in law

Lifestyle Relationships
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21

Re: I hate my mother in law

Hate is a very strong word in particular for a family member and for petty reasons. You need to get a thicker skin and not be overly sensitive.

22

Re: I hate my mother in law

hate is another word for love :D

23

Re: I hate my mother in law

Hate leads to a dysfunctional family. People telling girls they need to tolerate this, it's unacceptable. Have a family meeting and discuss these things openly and make it known that it's not going to happen again, or there will be consequences.

I mean I don't know how you guys live like this. If my mother in law gets in my face, I'd leave. Yes, I'd leave.

This is why I take months to get to know someone and then his family to figure out if I want to live with them.

24

Re: I hate my mother in law

Somewhat off topic but I think a lot of our issues wont exist if people move out and live on their own! For some reason, joint family system is cursed (may be a strong word) or just something which is not natural. Freedom isnt free, and I think living in a small one bedroom on your own vs. a large home with extended / joint family is better option.

25

Re: I hate my mother in law

I don't know.
There are plenty of families that live apart and yet the interference and objections are present.
I think it has more to do with conflict resolution than avoidance.

26

Re: I hate my mother in law

I tend to agree with this. There is a such thing as too many adults in one house.

27

Re: I hate my mother in law

^^ also, a BIG issue in our desi community is the fact that the elders simply won't let their adult married children live like adults and make decisions for themselves either. They feel a constant need to treat them like they are still in diapers and giving instruction on everything they do, not realizing those "children" now have spouses and children of their own too !

Even elder brothers tend to get carried away sometimes.. they try to take on the role of being the parent cuz they are older (even if it's by a year or 2) and take advantage of the fact and boss everyone around.. ridiculous

I feel for OP, I do. and no one is saying to be a doormat either PCG. ... the point here is that the MIL is not going to change (but prayers can work wonders).. and until then, OP will have to shrug it off.. because although her words can hurt, OP can confront and say that those words hurt her, but it seems like her MIL would start harassing her looks etc even more. So, it's best to ignore in that situation

28

Re: I hate my mother in law

When the average 4th grader is more well behaved then the mil.. I totally sympathise. Being older does not mean manners get tossed out the window. Only two ways to go about it; confront strongly or ignore the hell out of the lady, she's talking crap you point blank walk away and only give attention to polite behaviour. Whatever keeps your blood pressure low is the one to go with.

29

Re: I hate my mother in law

sorry but get over it!

30

Re: I hate my mother in law

on treads like this i almost never comment, because i knw very few people will agree with me. Walking out and leaving the situation shouldn't be considered in this little issue. Those are really life changing steps people are suggesting for something that can be ignored, or learned to be dealt with. You have been dealing with it for 4 years, deal with it longer, haven't you learned to ignore it or expect it. I don't see OP being the type who ignores the MIL's comments either. She has come backs too. Which is something the husband and MIL is also dealing with. So it's a compromise from both side.

31

Re: I hate my mother in law

Right, I'd say ignore the words coming out of her mouth and walk away. That will be a huge slap in the lady's face when she realizes no one wants to engage with her nastiness.

Like literally, look through her as if she's not standing there, and then walk away and do something else.

She'll only steam up, and act up more and more, and eventually, even her family will realize she is acting like a lunatic.

32

Re: I hate my mother in law

And if the son and his wife decide to move out, it will still be seen as something negative.

Even I have had interference issues from in-laws to the point of controlling what I do with my savings and what not. They have this unrealistic expectation of izzat, which probably means the daughter in law probably licking their feet. I don't know, I tried to play nice up to a certain point but when it got to an unbearable point, I just shut them out of my life. So it's like a hello, how are you whenever I have to talk to them.

I wish it wasn't like that but nothing comes before dignity and self-respect. Too bad, in our desi culture we have some twisted expectations we don't expect our daughters to put up with yet daughter in laws have to follow it all.