Rida, one adivce! Know that standards of beauty are different among continents, countries and to each individual. What is found beautiful in pakistan (gora rang) is the opposite that is considered beautiful where i live (saanwal rang).
Again what i find pretty also depends on many factors (eg where i grew up if i grew up in pakistan or some other gora rang appraising country then i'd find gora rang pretty--if i grew up in west i'd find tan (saanwla rang pretty)..
Just because your Mil tells you otherwise, trust me that's not true. That's just her definition of beauty. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL I'm not going to say it's the internal beauty that matters because I am sure you already know that but everyone is beautiful in her/his own way.
Most important thing is you should know you are beautiful and YOU ARE! If you mil says sth then look at the all the south african runway models (i don't mean to disrespct anyone just a comparison).
Lets not get sappy. Even if it is true. So what? Some people are taller, others more attractive..but don't worry, Your husband will be ugly soon enough (when middle age hits) and then you will match. Until then look at your Monster-in-law with disappointment. I doubt shes still a hoorie/Pari.
all that time when i was married to him he never ever appreciated me or my looks he never said "tum ajj achi la rahi ho " ya "yeh colour tum par acha lagta hai" and I had same MIL as yours I got same comments too , I was even compared with my other SILs . I know it hurts. But despite what both of them said or thought of me I never looked down upon myself. I am not stupid and I have a mind and opinion of my own and like everyone in this world has his/her own beauty I have too and if they are blind and they cant see it then let it be it's not my problem.
Please give some value to yourself. Dont look down upon yourself and have some self worth. Once my teacher said in class which I still remember that " we all are creation of God and God doesn't create garbage" Your husband has married you and like you said he married you for LOVE. Isn't the thing called LOVE enough for you. He must have seen something in you that he must have not seen in other girls , he must have experienced feelings for you that he must have never experienced for any other girls. Why aren't these things important to you. Why can't your drive happiness and satisfaction from it. Why do you always have to look at a negative aspect.
Your husband chose you on his own . Your MIL didn't choose you. Off course she will have problems with you , she will taunt you because she is a Saas a MIL. Just read the thread currently open on life 1 regarding MIL and see what kind of problems bahoos face . Even those bahoos who were chosen by their MILs. Girl you listen from one ear and out from another.
dear yeh boht small problem heh compared to big monster probs dil s have 2 face..she is just trying to get u down..get busy with hobby u r good at or do somthing lse that iwll build ur confidence..
Please dont think like this that you are ugly and he is smart and handsome.. This willl ruin ur peace of mind. He fell in love with you and married you because for him you are the most beautiful person from inside and out. Talk to ur husband about his mothers taunts, you do not deserve to hear something like this from her.
Be strong and confident, look in the mirror everyday and tell yourself that you are beautiful!
I really think you should be grateful that you even have a face and it hasnt been disfigured by acid or genetic diseases. Allah has made us with great precision and it just really infruriates me when we say such ungrateful things about His creation.
I am average women sum ppl very rarely.. tell me that I m attractive but not my inlaws n hubby as I must mention We did love marriage 2 years before n my husband is no doubt more handsome and attractive then me And my mother in law always try to remind me that "TUM MERY BETY K JOR KI NAHI HO MUJHY SAAB KAHTY HAIN"
NO APPRECIATIOn... in my life from any one I M NOT hungry of it but atleast by my love my husband I went to the parlor took hair cut today but still i m not happy i m very upset what to do ?
I was very confident but now i m sick I often hide my face in front of my hubby friends and neighbors just because I thought I am not such beautriful as i must...
I know this is not healthy thinking but still I m unable to sort it out
Seems like your MIL is jealous of your confidence that's why she has chosan the worst way to let you down. Criticizing on one's Shakal is ridiculous and don't you think it's the sign of low mentality? do you think that she is possessing healthy thinking?
I know that's difficult but I think you should not let her feel that her ridiculous remarks are shaking your confidence; just be confident and give thanks to Allah that at least you don't have any mental sickness like the other people have around you.
I agree with the jealousy thing, my own mum is a bit like that with my future SIL.. she's stunning but my mum never gives her any compliments and says nasty things like 'why did my son choose *her*.' Prob the fact son had a love marriage irks her even more.. Am sure ur hubby finds u gorgeous or he wouldn't have fallen head over heels and married u :)
I agree with the jealousy thing, my own mum is a bit like that with my future SIL.. she's stunning but my mum never gives her any compliments and says nasty things like 'why did my son choose *her*.' Prob the fact son had a love marriage irks her even more.. Am sure ur hubby finds u gorgeous or he wouldn't have fallen head over heels and married u :)
^ It takes courage to admit that about your own mother. Not everyone is fair or objective enough to do that, Deebs. As much as we love are parents, they're human. They're not immune to negative emotions like jealousy and insecurity. Your unbiased post about your mom is an example to the few people that are in denial that some mothers-in-law are horrible that this is indeed a real issue. Art (movies, books, etc) is a reflection of society's issues. Just think of the numerous books and the dramas that are produced on this very topic, a very popular topic. And you'll hear some people say that things are exaggerated on TV. Yes, this can be true, but often times, the inspiration comes from real-life situations. Sure, the DIL might be at fault. But why is it hard to believe that a MIL can be troublesome? Does the word "mother" throw people off here? There's a difference between your mother and your MIL. Two different relationships. One can't have the same expectations from them. And I agree that one needs to develop a tougher skin and some tolerance. If a person is advising you out of sincerity, that's fine. If an elder wants to demonstrate how to do something, cool. But if you're making frequent negative or snide remarks about the way your DIL looks and other petty stuff....its only natural for her to doubt your intentions. How bitter does your soul have to be on the inside to find the time to consistently bring others down and to find pleasure in it (as in the case of Rida Khan's recent thread)?
Awww hunnie you shudnt bother on how u look, becuz God created you for a reason and He doesnt create Junk. U have ur own uniqueness!! Pls ignore ur MIL and dont let her put u and ur confidence down, becuz confidence is something dat makes a girl amazingly attractive!!
akser mard shaadi k baad tareef main kanjoosi kertay hain. if u dress up or had hair cut just ask" kaisi lug rehi hoon?" during ur private momments u can ask him lovingly that how he feels abt u or praise u etc. when mil says something just say" achcha ye tu kehtay hain main bari khubsoorat hoon" mil will b dumbfound.
Hey Rida, have you been reading the above posts? How do you feel after reding them? Has any of the advice given had any effect? Please tell us if you feel any better?
^ yeah even i was wonderin if u r readin these posts... it wud really help if rather than just posting a qs and disappearing u actively participated and answered some of the replies here so we cud better understand ur situation and guide u accordingly.... i hope the replies have been helpful in boosting ur confidence :)
Hello to all you ppl are really very nice ... i m than ful But I have a question that
"kia mai apnay husband ko unki mother k comments bataya karoon jo woh mery beauty k bary mai karti hain like kal tum kitni buri ,lag rahi theen ... waghera ?
bataney say mujhy thora sharing ka ahsas to hota hai but now i m thinking kah may be woh apni mother ki in baton ko sun kar esa hi sochnay lagain k haan mere wife mujh say kaam hai ya dosray hamary bary mai esa sochty hain.... ???advice plz "
and again mai apnay ander confidence peda karna hoon but mai jaab bhi khod ko dekhti hun mujhy ya to un k comments yad anay lagty hain ya phir apna aap acha nahi lagta buhat tayari k baad bhi
Building confidence within yourself is not an over night task. Nothing is going to happen by you just telling yourself, that your MIL is wrong, but instead bring positive activities in your life. There has to be something out there, which you just love to do, but have been holding back for whatever reason. This is the time to start. Anything so you can get out of the house away from her. I mean anything, which will give you a satisfaction within and you will be proud of yourself.
Always talk to your husband, about EVERYTHING. Communication is key to a marriage.
u need to stop thinking negative thoughts. start looking at the positive things like ur husband loving u rather then thinking ur not attractive. he chose to marry u coz he fell in lov with u. find other things/hobbies to keep u busy and make u happy.
hey rida pls follow the advice i gave u in my posts earlier. trust me more than the beauty and face u can attract ppl thru ur style, dressing sense and all... i have experience and i wud love if u follow my advice i m sure ur life will change.. although, pls bear in mind it will take time.. it took me 2 yrs or more to establish in ppl's mind that i dress well and can look gud!