I hate desi shaddi type events

Arts & Culture Culture, Arts, Literature & Linguistics
1

Okay.. I have had it, whether it is shaddi, mangni, mehndi, aqeeqa..any family oriented desi event is on my ‘avoid list’ now.

I officially cant stand desi events now..the waste of time, the precious little egos and emotions of everyone, the whole deal with our rasmain are better than yours crap.

What the hell is wrong with people. I mean you try to make a trip umpteen thousand miles to attend a family event and people get in issues as in why are you staying with them and why not with us. How do you tell an aunty ji that I prefer a bed over a floor because as much as I like to hang out with people..I can hang out and then go sleep somewhere else.

God forbid if you think that oh..i am killing a few days of my vacation to attend this event so I might as well add some R&R in the mix. If you stay in a hotel just to avoid waiting in lines to use the facilities to get ready, or to have a little privacy..then you are stuck up “oh barra aadmi ban gaya hai, ab toh hotel mein rahay ga” ..yo lady shut up..i mean what do u tell them. If you choose to go and take in some sights, then you are snooty and dont want to be with family..

And then people you barely know telling you what to wear, thank god it does not happen to guys as much as girls. This dress is too simple, this is too heavy, not this jewelry not that jewelry. you dont want to be too much alike but not too different either..thank god I dont have to suffer through that.

Hey..and if I dont want to carry that big dirty spilling pot of food for guests in my car..das not being an ass. I just kinda respect my property..why dunn you wrap the damn “daeg” in some plastic atleast.

These are extreme examples..but whats with all the unorganized mess? why cant we plan properly?.. why is everything late… why wont the nikah khwan realize that he is not the main attraction so he should keep his lecture to the point rather than trying to save the world..some people just dont deserve to be with a mic on a stage..

arghhhhhh…

am I the only one?

2

oh the joy of family! Don’t you just love um for that too though, i mean heck you can crack jokes later on.

Aunties will always make their snooty comments, so i’ve just learned to take it through one ear and take it out the other. And yes i could so relate to them (auties) doing ‘tabsara’ on my clothes/jewelery

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But its always been like that, and you’ve put up with them like that too, so why the frustration now Big Brathaa? :smiley: It does kind of makes us distinct from other cultures doesn’t it?

Common cheer up, you know you love them too

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Back of every creation, supporting it like an arch, is faith. Enthusiasm is nothing: it comes and goes. But if one believes, then miracles occur.

3

Sehar heh the frustration now cuz i had to attend 2 events on two weekends and had to endure this mess.

here is an example of some uncle's genius

uncle:"why did'nt you call us"
Me: I did, but your answering machine came on
uncle: "why did'nt you call me on my cell number
me: err...cuz you never gave me the number.

I mean, what the heck, just back da hell up. People just dont seem to appreciate the fact that you took time out and took some expense to attend the event. but you have to endure lectures on why were you late...as if I can control airline delays or with one swift move of my hand the highway traffic would become clear so I wont be stuck.

And these elders..some of them are like babies..u know like they are okay until one cries and they all strt crying. One person starts bithching..and the rest join in...I mean heck lady I barely even know you, my dad's first cousin's salay's wife type aunty " haan aaj kal toh aisa hi hota hai..sab busy han." The amount of tanz.. I jus feel like going with a sling shot and marbles so during the events I can be a vigilante sniper getting back at these people. some day I will crack..thats the day you will hear some big mouth, opinionated, buddhi-ghorri-laal-lagam type aunty falling down from the stage just as she was approaching to bless the bride n groom cuz some unknown person (aka yours truly) hit her with something (aka marble via a sling shot)

sad thing is the people you care about appreciate your effort and that you want to be there and thats why you are there. Its this insane clown posse of bi jamalo aunties that need to have their lips stapled before such events.

and please..please..can we try to be a little bit more on time.

4

i think ur over-reacting:)

As for being on time part, thats a problem, and i totally agree with u on that. All the weddings in our family (my sisters and brother) took place right on the dot. And since, as usual, there were scores of rishtaydars coming in late, many of them were seen complaining as to how soon the function started.....and 'itni jaldi kaun ata hai'. Theres no cure for such people.

As for the rest of the stuff.....different people have different kinds of approach to different issues. Like the aged aunty who hands u a 'salan ki degchi' with a loose cover to take home. Yes, on the face of it, u feel like yelling right in their face, defending the integrity of your car furniture...but at the same time, the aunty didnt leave the degchi loose because she has no regard for your car seats. She made a gesture from the purity of her heart(in most cases), and well, I feel we should do our best to try and retain that purity, rather than spoil it by shifting the attention from "the food given with a loose cover" to "the food given with love".

From my extended family, ours is perhaps the one that got the best chances in life, and ended up joining what you may call 'the modern society'. Majority of our relatives, nanis, dadis etc are still archaic and primitive in their social approach. It would be very heartless of me to deny them such small pleasures of life, which they get by making me stay at their place, making me sleep on their cot instead of a molty foam, making me spend all my time with them, making me wear stuff they like etc. Its for a few days anyway. Its not a life time deal. The least we can do is play along and bring out the genuine smiles on their faces.

But they are not to be confused with hypocrite relatives, whom I wouldnt even visit to begin with:)

[This message has been edited by Akif (edited July 20, 2001).]

5

[quote]
Originally posted by Fraudz:
*Okay.. I have had it, whether it is shaddi, mangni, mehndi, aqeeqa..any family oriented desi event is on my 'avoid list' now. *
My sympathies are with you.

I officially cant stand desi events now..the waste of time, the precious little egos and emotions of everyone, the whole deal with our rasmain are better than yours crap.
I thought that was the fun part.

*What the hell is wrong with people. I mean you try to make a trip umpteen thousand miles to attend a family event and people get in issues as in why are you staying with them and why not with us. How do you tell an aunty ji that I prefer a bed over a floor because as much as I like to hang out with people..I can hang out and then go sleep somewhere else. *
Pir ji, you utterly disappoint me.

*God forbid if you think that oh..i am killing a few days of my vacation to attend this event so I might as well add some R&R in the mix. If you stay in a hotel just to avoid waiting in lines to use the facilities to get ready, or to have a little privacy..then you are stuck up "oh barra aadmi ban gaya hai, ab toh hotel mein rahay ga" *
So why don't you let them know that you are not a barra aadmi by staying with them. It will make them happy.

..yo lady shut up..i mean what do u tell them. If you choose to go and take in some sights, then you are snooty and dont want to be with family..
Again, disappointed; why not take the whole extended family with you?

*And then people you barely know telling you what to wear, thank god it does not happen to guys as much as girls. This dress is too simple, this is too heavy, not this jewelry not that jewelry. *
And aren't you thankful your relatives told you beforehand instead of embarassment infront of the entire wedding gathering.

** you dont want to be too much alike but not too different either..thank god I dont have to suffer through that. **
Good for you.

*Hey..and if I dont want to carry that big dirty spilling pot of food for guests in my car..das not being an ass. *
Oh really?

*I just kinda respect my property.. *
And apparently not others.

*why dunn you wrap the damn "daeg" in some plastic atleast. *
Did you ask them nicely to do so?

*These are extreme examples..but whats with all the unorganized mess? why cant we plan properly?.. why is everything late... *
Again, fun is in the heart of the wedding guest.

** why wont the nikah khwan realize that he is not the main attraction so he should keep his lecture to the point rather than trying to save the world..some people just dont deserve to be with a mic on a stage.. **
No, he should give the mic to you.

*arghhhhhh... *
My thoughts exactly.

am I the only one?
Probably not, but definitely should be.

[/quote]

All comments made with all due respect.

6

Originally posted by Akif:
*She made a gesture from the purity of her heart(in most cases), *

no damn it, she wanted me to drop the degchi off to her fulani behen's house...like her fulani's behen cant take the damn degchi in her own friggin minivan desi mobile.

*"the food given with love". *
No it was food given to transport, no love involved atleast for the "volunteer"

*It would be very heartless of me to deny them such small pleasures of life, which they get by making me stay at their place, making me sleep on their cot instead of a molty foam, making me spend all my time with them, making me wear stuff they like etc. Its for a few days anyway. Its not a life time deal. The least we can do is play along and bring out the genuine smiles on their faces. *

No i have no issues with sleeping on a floor or anything. more than happy to. But people have their power games going. stay with us and not with them..I mean let the aunties duke it out, why does one have to justify their choice. and sometimes you want to stay in a hotel..or you have to, whether cuz its 2001 and you are basically on call 24/7 for work..so maybe I am a workaholic but people should learn to respect your choices and not bombard you with questions. for example I would prefer scenario #1 over scenario #2

1

Aunty: baita, tum humaray pass naheen rukk rahay
Me: aunty naheen, I unfortunately have work to do and need to be connected to my company system so its better I am at a hotel. get my work done and will not kep your phone line occupied.
aunty: accha magar kam khatam karnay kay baad foran yahan aa jana

(now that has happened too and thats kewl as anything)

but

2

Aunty: baita, tum humaray pass naheen rukk rahay
Me: aunty naheen, I unfortunately have work to do and need to be connected to my company system so its better I am at a hotel. get my work done and will not kep your phone line occupied.
Aunty: hai baitaa, doh din chutti naheen lay saktay thay behen ki shaddi kay liye?
Me: aunty naheen milli chutti, aaj kal naya project shoroo hua hai, issi liye request ki thi keh office kay bajaye kaheen aur say kaam kar loon.
Aunty: aray baitaa chorro, aik tum nay hi kam kar liya, aur kissi kay saath yeh naheen hua
aunt#2: aray chorrain ji, in ko yahan naheen rehna toh na sahee magar bahanay acchay bana laitay hain
aunty: fulanay ki shaddi mein toh tum bilkul free thay (note: how do u explain that circumstances are different and that they should be appreciative that you are there cuz u wanted to be there even if it means that you will have work to do during day tme)
Uncle: tum kissi aur company mein kam kar lo, jahan work conditions acchi hon
aunty: haan fulanay nay xyz copr join kar li hai ussay toh humesha chutti mil jaati hai

(so basically you are labelled as inconsiderate who is making excuses to stay somewhere else as well as the fact that your job sucks and you should join a different company like their nephew or someone)

But they are not to be confused with hypocrite relatives, whom I wouldnt even visit to begin with:)

unfortunately, in family evenst u run into them..as i noted in my initial post. The people I care bout and for whom I am there dont really complain, its the bi jamalo clan found in every city and every nation from lake geneva to the (okay okay petshop boys lyrics) but..ya see what i am saying yaar

7

On the lighter side dosto... Some has said...

We can always choose our friends . but we cannot choose our relatives....Kya kiya jai!!!

8

And i thaught it happened only in my family khandan.

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Biggrin:

Woh afsaana jise anjaam tak, laana na ho mumkin
Use ek KHoobsoorat moR dekar, chhoRna achha

9

fraudia...alwayz over-reacting...if u are so frustrated by all this then y don't u tell all this 2 them...posting it here won't solve ur problem...telling them might put some thoughtz into their mindz...make then realize "how and wht u feel"...

yeh sub zindagi ke jhamailay hein...
inke sath rehna seekho...
yeh hi zindagi hai...
derguzer kero khataoun ko huns ker...
yeh bhi ibadat hai...
yeh bhi bundagi hai...

Alf Allah Chunmbay Di Booti...Mere Maan Vich Murshad Lai Huu..
Naffi Asbaat Da Paani Mallaya...Har Raggay HarJai Huu
[Sultan Bahuu]...

10

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fraudia bhai your post always make me laugh

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yeh i would afree with u at some points it is mad annoying. But hey dont u have fun with your own family, your cousins,your grandparents and etc. Ofcourse they can be mad annoying but hey they are family.
As far as their (aunty’s )stupid comments on the clothes i hate it.
I mean if i wanna wear sarhee why do they have a problem?

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oh well u just go there for few weeks to chill out

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come back and relax

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fraudia bhai like sehar said..u know u love them

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11

Nia

I love my family, but this is not liek cousins or uncles or grandparents..this is like extended family..people I like only see at family events. dad's second cousins or some old family friend. This is not about the few week long trip to Pakistan but a weekend plus a day or 2 trip to california, or canada or boston..ya know.

I am arranging a Non-wedding/mangni/aqeeqa-type-event for my family..all of us at a resort for a weekend to catch up..thats fun..I could nto even get to really talk to some ppl at this event and most cousins agreed that it would be a good idea.

12

**Quote from Fraudz

[li]why are you staying with them and why not with us[/li]
[li]I can hang out and then go sleep somewhere else.[/li]
[li]to have a little privacy..then you are stuck up "oh barra aadmi ban gaya hai, ab toh hotel mein rahay ga" [/li]
[li]dress is too simple, this is too heavy, not this jewelry not that jewelry[/li]
[li]I dont want to carry that big dirty spilling pot of food for guests in my car[/li]
**
These are not extreme examples at all. I might add one to the above list. Sometime you find that one of your aunts is a bit quiet and you made a mistake of saying "why" and you find out that someone didn't give her proper attention and she is "naaraaz". You try to solve the problem to make everyone happy and next thing you know that number of naaraz people has increased.

I think it's all due to everyone being stressed. I do admit that the fun bit especially among the cousins later at night just cancel out all the effects and you only remember the good old memories rather than the phaddas that took place.

[This message has been edited by khan_sahib (edited July 21, 2001).]

13

hahahah... han bay fraudiyay.. tu baRa amreeki ho giya hai.. abay desi ho to desi ho kar rehna seekho or uss say baRi baat kay desion ko bardaaash karna seekho.. (otherwise you're a columbine in the making)

p.s.. how many peeps did you run into with B.O. probs??

p.s.2 that b-jamaloo auntees with staple is not a bad idea...

p.s.3 these aunties need to cool off on the dress competition at the weddings... I mean.. c'mon.. let the bride be the one over dressed...

p.s.4 that -outta-town-complain about why not stay at my house or why not call when you visit gotta stop. I didn;t realize people gauge or tied their "honor" or "respect" with such petty things...

p.s.5 been there... done that!!!!

14

Phir ji, shkir karo app pakistan main nahi rehte…

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“Away from Eyes…Close to Heart”

15

akif heh over-reacting it is ..but you know me..get people posting here atleast

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Dervaish, oh no frustrations mon, as u noted, always over-reacting. Just to get a response from y’all. Dig up my old posts ion culture section and you will see that gets the best results

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16

i luv these events...i think its loads of fun....
i think one has to be a pretty dry person not to like them or either u have had some bad experiences....

17

all the fun at nosey aunty's expense aside, I personally hold the value of timeliness dear. We have a tendency to be "fashionably late" for such things.

heck, we may want to look at this stuff with some romantic notions and rose tinted glasses of its quaintness or charm, but its a rather lame aspect of how we do things. I am sure all of us would have a cow if our paychecks were not on time, or if a flight was delayed.

18

Mr. Fraudia, I think I can understand how you feel. After having only been to a few weddings, I already feel intimidated and petrified of gatherings where there are more than 3 aunties in a room together.

19

I cannot imagine my life without all that. It would be so dry and boring. Nothing to talk about, no juicy gossips! No fun.

I have noticed that more & more Pakistani men are becoming like that. Does it have to do with "being cool" or something???

[This message has been edited by roshnie (edited July 23, 2001).]

20

Not quite. I come from a very sociable family, so we always enjoy mixing with family and friends... It's just the aunties who are always back-biting or family members who say stupid things that put us all off from events like this.

Nowadays people are so engrossed with eating as much as they or showing off to others, they forget why they are at the wedding, in the first place. Some people are so inconsiderate, it's not funny.