I have been married over a year now, and have mashallah a 1 month old baby too, anyhow, i hate the way i am called simple by so many people. okay well, 2 people. just because i do not wear my gold bangles, and at 6 to 7 months preg i was wearing tents, for some reason i am seedi saadi. some woman said to my mother that aaj kal ki larkiyan sajj dajj kay jaati hai after shaadi, and apki beti to aur simple hogi…i did not undersand this. does this mean i look thick/dull/ugly/what?
also my aunty also says why dont you wear your bangles etc, to be honest, i want to look really good, and be tarted up, i just dont know how to :, makes me simple i guess? but i hate it.
how do i change?
i know this isnt a reallybad problem in respect of others, but i feel like its weighing me down, i want people to say nice things, as opposed to to why am i too simple looking, or why am i not fashionable enough.
i have this problem, that whatever i wear i look rubbish.i can put foundartion, blusher, eyeliner, the lot on, and wear nice stuff, but still i look ordinary, and im not even that bad looking…while theres other girls, who just comb their hair and look fashionble…help please.
Lol, awwww you're so cute, just like my mami. (I had to do her make-up every day after she got married!)
First of all, where do you live? I usually hear this sort of stuff in Pakistan but not around here. Gold bangles aren't a very big deal, in fact they can be a little strange to wear with everything-hard to match init.
And I'm sure you look gorgeous, you're just putting yourself down. Try wearing stuff that your hubby likes, he may think that a certain dress looks really nice on you, and knowing that he thinks you look gorgeous in it will make you feel good too.
Other than that there are a lot of make-up videos on youtube, or you can ask a friend to teach you. For your hair-just curl it, curls look so cute, add in something like a bow or whatever else you can find in accessorize. :D
I get told that I'm seedhi saadhi or simple and it doesn't bother me. I think there's more beauty in simplicity (it can be classy). Less can be more. Sometimes wearing a ton of jewelry and heavily embellished clothes can appear gaudy and overwhelming.....it can detract/take away from a person's look. For example, if you're wearing long earrings....you can skip the necklace. If you're wearing a heavy necklace...you can wear lighter earrings. It's about balance.
Now, it's important to dress according to the occasion. For example, if you're going to a wedding....you don't want to dress as though you were attending a casual dinner invitation. At the same time, I also believe that when you feel good about how you're dressed.....it shows in your body language and facial expressions......you appear more relaxed and confident and that makes you look attractive. You can wear a really heavy kaam-wala outfit...and deck yourself out in gold from head to toe...and slather layers of makeup......but if you don't like any of it....you won't be able to pull it off. That said.....dress according to the occasion....but don't let someone dictate your sense of style either.
I've also been told that I'm seedhi saadhi when it comes to personality.....and even with that I have no problem. A simple personality is easier to get along with, imo.
Don't take it so personally. Considering how complex life can be....simple is good :)
I get told that I'm seedhi saadhi or simple and it doesn't bother me. I think there's more beauty in simplicity (it can be classy). Less can be more. Sometimes wearing a ton of jewelry and heavily embellished clothes can appear gaudy and overwhelming.....it can detract/take away from a person's look. For example, if you're wearing long earrings....you can skip the necklace. If you're wearing a heavy necklace...you can wear lighter earrings. It's about balance.
Now, it's important to dress according to the occasion. For example, if you're going to a wedding....you don't want to dress as though you were attending a casual dinner invitation. At the same time, I also believe that when you feel good about how you're dressed.....it shows in your body language and facial expressions......you appear more relaxed and confident and that makes you look attractive. You can wear a really heavy kaam-wala outfit...and deck yourself out in gold from head to toe...and slather layers of makeup......but if you don't like any of it....you won't be able to pull it off. That said.....dress according to the occasion....but don't let someone dictate your sense of style either.
I've also been told that I'm seedhi saadhi when it comes to personality.....and even with that I have no problem. A simple personality is easier to get along with, imo.
Don't take it so personally. Considering how complex life can be....simple is good :)
but i dont want to be...simple that is.
curls dont look nice, especially now i have a ton of weight to lose, and im only 5ft3, taller girls look better.
my makeup is fine at times, but i feel like i need to something extra to look the same as everyone else.
im in the uk, and yes its usually pakistanis that say this..
First of all, where do you live? I usually hear this sort of stuff in Pakistan but not around here.
That's a good question, I'm wondering the same thing. I imagine that's a question you're more likely to get in Pak than over here. Over here (US)...I've seen desi women (yes, married) wear artificial jewelry with their clothes as well....could be just a pair of earrings and an interesting ring and it looks classy.....it can even look better than wearing gold all the time with everything. So, you don't necessarily have tow wear gold.
It's silly of them to say that - you need to be confident in yourself, just because a few minor people said that your seedi saadi JUST because you don't wear gold bangles everyday like it's flippin someone's wedding doesn't mean your seedi saadi, don't worry about looking like everyone else, why be a sheep for? If you need that something extra then look into accessories, sometimes that little ring or some earrings can complete the look? That normally does it for me, maybe go get yourself a haircut/change your hair colour for a totally different look that you'll be comfortable in?
Don't take it to heart tho, your beautiful as you are in the skin that you were born in :)
That's a good question, I'm wondering the same thing. I imagine that's a question you're more likely to get in Pak than over here. Over here (US)...I've seen desi women (yes, married) wear artificial jewelry with their clothes as well....could be just a pair of earrings and an interesting ring and it looks classy.....it can even look better than wearing gold all the time with everything. So, you don't necessarily have tow wear gold.
YES, i know, i do wear artificila jewellry, however my aunt whose from pak, and the other woman also pakistani dont get it...
straighten ur hair, get it dyed.. get a new haircut that may be easy to handle and look hot no matter what... do whatever that'll make you feel good about yourself. Doesnt matter how much weight you have to lose... as lnog as ur feeling hot, it'll show on the outside.
Jewellery and stuff doesnt make somone any less simpler.. u can wear a lots of gold and still be called simple....
but i dont want to be...simple that is.
curls dont look nice, especially now i have a ton of weight to lose, and im only 5ft3, taller girls look better.
my makeup is fine at times, but i feel like i need to something extra to look the same as everyone else.
im in the uk, and yes its usually pakistanis that say this..
Hmmm....okay make losing weight a goal and work towards it. Until then...dress in a way that flatters your figure. Stay away from horizontal stripes as they make one appear wider. Vertical stripes are more slimming. Darker colors are slimming whereas lighter colors tend to make you look bigger. As far as your shirts and kurtas are concerned......v-necks and deeper/wider galas (like a square gala) tend to be more slimming. Vertical stripes elongate the body....and long earrings can also give the illusion of length/appearing taller. Height is something that you can't control. Wear heels to appear taller. Also...really long kurtas (even if they're in fashion) will make a short person appear shorter. A shorter kurta...knee length or even a bit shorter creates a taller look. Not everything that's "in" has to be followed if it's not doing anything for you.
If curls are not working...then don't curl your hair. If one's on the heavier side....hair shouldn't be cut too short (above the shoulders) as it can make you look bigger. Leaving hair down as opposed to putting it up in a pony tail or bun...gives a more slimming look.
Schedule an appointment with your hair dresser.....someone who understands desi hair and can tell you what would look right according to your face shape. ....experiment with hair cuts. If you don't want to cut your hair too short...consider adding oomph with some layers or bangs...or highlights.
Go to the makeup counter and tell the expert that you're looking for something a bit bold/fresh...but that would suit your skin tone. The make-up artist can suggest colors and apply some make up on you so you get an idea of how it would look. If you're used to wearing black eyeliner all the time...try a different color. I wear green or teal eyeliner sometimes and I get several compliments on it. I also tried purple eyeliner, which looked pretty hot as well. Get a mani/pedi and experiment with different colors in nail polish.
^The above are some ideas...and just because something is in vogue doesn't mean it would suit you...dress according to what looks right on you. Also, is it only a couple of people who have said that you look simple? If so......I'd ignore it. It's just an opinion...an opinion is not some law or universal truth, lol. People can be tactless and sometimes they say things with the deliberate intention to bring others down. If you are confident in yourself...you'll appear attractive in even simple clothes. If you're not confident...you won't pull even the most fashionable clothes off. Can't please everyone...so why drive yourself crazy doing so?
Since it sounds like you really want a change in your wardrobe and make-up, go all out! Go to a Clinique/ Dior/ MAC counter for tips on what will "POP" on your face without over doing make-up. Everyone is different, some people need the eyeshadow, and some might need the perfect blush to really bring out their natural features.
As for wardrobe keep it comfortable but not casual. Wear your favorite jeans with not a t-shirt but a baby doll type of top, which is not tight ( you will not be so self conscious since its lose). Find maxi's which no matter how tall or short look so cute, with heels or flats.
Personally I find simplicity beautiful in a woman. But with simplicity you have to have confidence. The fact that you said you want to " ...look the same as everyone else," worries me. I hope some changes bring with it confidence within you.
I went through similar kind of "craziness" after having bubba... I felt I just looked blah... didnt like anything in my cupboard and wanted to be the same as everyoen else.... get lost in the crowd kinda thing but still look normal. Silliness for sure..
But 3 years later, its a diff story :)
Sara_pathan, get your hubby involved with how ur feeling.. let him know and get his support.. it'll make the world of a difference i tell ya
^ Yes, the most important thing will be the involvement of your hubby through this process. It is so important to have open communication with him if you ever feel so down.
Sadz I’m glad 3 years later its a different story!!
if you're a pathani, i'm sure you're just gorgeous and every woman has some part of her that's unique and beautiful
i think since you've just had a baby, you might be going through some postpartum sadness maybe not depression but i think a woman's hormones are jumping all over the place at that time and emotions might be way down.
others in your family will hopefully boost your spirits up atleast those that have had children b4 would know what you're going through in terms of self esteem.
im in the uk too.....the married girls i see here dont wear gold stuff they wear artifical jewewlry but they all wear really upto date nice clothes and do their hair liek straghtened or blow dried and do their make up nicely and stuff...i wouldnt worry about it to be honest if its from people who want you to walk round like your a gola ganda/soney ki dukaan.
If you don't want to be labelled simple, here's what you do:
Start accessorizing (gold jewelry is not worn by most young desi girls in US/UK, married and unmarried.... stay away from heavy gold... delicate is okay.... get the artificial dangly stuff, thats totally in)
Get highlights in your hair .... that usually smartens up looks instantly. But please please please don't go blonde... that looks tacky, maybe some hazel / dark brown or red highlights, spaced apart and in weaves (no chunks please)
Focus on eye makeup mainly..... foundation, blush, etc. does not get noticed.... your eyes should pop. Like someone above said, watch youtube videos on how to apply eye makeup.... a little goes a long way :)
Wear heels, not necessarily very high, you can stick to kitten heels .... just make sure they look smart.
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I’m glad 3 years later its a different story!!