can any of u advice how to fight back
you dont!
I katta my wife.
We are in the same boat.
lol
you dont!
Yes, you do. You just dont do it openly so it doesnt look like a fight.
Stop arguing with your husband
Stop arguing with you MIL
Stop letting them get to you because that is exactly what they want! They want you to lose it, get angry and then go tell your husband how mean you are
I know its easier said then done but you HAVE to start being nice to your MIL, SIL and BIL. The reason is not because you should but because you cant give them any reason to come at you.
Your goal is to take away any and all reasons for them to complain. Two things will happen:
They might be so touched by your kindness they stop destroying your life
They might feel like idiots complaining about you to your husband because you are as close to perfect as a bahu can get!
This sounds so easy but its much harder to do. But if you can do it...kudos to you.
Re: i hata my husband
sometimes, people perhaps go by what they presume on either side, against each other.
a new way of approaching each other in thinking and expectations might make a behavioral change for better.
may your relationship with your spouse become comforting.
:CareBear::CareBear::CareBear::CareBear: hata dia sala… woh koi rastay ka pathar tha jo hata dia
i have been married for 5 yrs i have a son.My problem is that at this stage i have actually starting hating my husband believe me i find him repulsive HEs always cornered me out always wanted me to lick her mothers feet she abuses me my parents openly behind and infront of her son his brothers and sis do the same thing and my husband only says that its ok u should be the one to compromise u r the outsider aur tum ney hi hamaray dil jeetney hain believe me people im fed up now i cant take it now and i really really truely hate my husband Am i being abnormal or r there any more of u who share the same prob??????/
No, by the looks of the topics in life1, i think youre pretty normal...average infact.
I think your husband is seriously mistaken in thinking that you as an 'outsider' should be making all the compromises here. He and his mother ought to know, its not easy for a woman to leave her family and live under the command of relatively ajnabi folks. That is one of biggest sacrifice in her life that she will make and it should never be taken for granted either by the husband or by his mother.
If anything, there should be more of a compromise on the husbands part to accomodate the wife's needs inorder for her to adjust properly. And that means respecting the wifes concerns and standing up for her, even if its involved your mother. After all that, if he cant do that much for you, he's not really worthy of being called a husband.
what you need to do is compose a list of all the issues you have and how it makes you feel and hand it over to him, and then when you have time you can both sit down and talk over any possible solutions from both sides. That way you can find out how comitted to the marriage he really is and if he is actually worth his salt.
She has a 5 year old child though in this equation. Divorce may not be that easy for her. We dont even know where she is and what the laws are there. Will she be taken care of? Also, maybe she wants to preserve the family for the sake of her baby?
The child is only 5 years old, which is exactly why divorcing him at this point is better than divorcing after 20 years. Also, If you hate him now there is no need for you to sacrifice your life and sleep and stay with a man you can not tolerate anymore. Live your life happily don't bound yourself to a bunch of traditions and cultural factors. That will give you nothing but a miserable life to look back to.
Re: i hata my husband
if he has no respect for you, your family or your special bond, then ask yourself this; what role model is he going to be for your child? surely this cant be healthy. I know its a tough call.. but if i was in your situation (and honestly i dont think i ever can be) i would leave him. Infact, when i first started dating my boyfrieed (my fiancee know whom i love so dearly) he made a few rash comments about my mum.. i made it very clear that if he was ever to cross that line, that would be the end of us. my parents will always have a head start on the man i marry - for gods sake tell him, if he cant respect your parents then how does he want you to reciprocate? and why the hell should you. i dont anyone out of my circle that would put up with a git like that. sorry if that sounds harsh, but your husband clearly lacks a backbone.
hmmmm...yaar kya kare insan.
I have an idea ...Chor do aur bolo
WHAT DO YOU THINK I CANNOT LIVE WITH YOU, HAAN?
?hold your child and leave him...fir koi job join kar lo.
Then he will miss you and will ask you to come back.
hmmmm...yaar kya kare insan.
I have an idea ...Chor do aur bolo WHAT DO YOU THINK I CANNOT LIVE WITH YOU, HAAN? ?hold your child and leave him...fir koi job join kar lo. Then he will miss you and will ask you to come back.
Um, thats easier said than done. I would see if there is anything left to salvage first. Then take a step like that. You dont want to live with the knowledge that had you tried harder, things would have worked out because you have a 5 year old child in the picture who needs his/her father as well as mother.
Try everything before you take any drastic steps.
Re: i hata my husband
Leaving someone you've built a life with for 5 years is not an easy thing to do.. esp. if you have a child. Lilli do u mind me asking who else lives with u? any nands? devars etc?.
You've been married to this man for 5 yrs.. yet he considers u an outsider..
You've given birth to his child... yet the respect he gives you is sickening..
You've compromised.. prolly have been ever since you've stepped into that house.. yet he says that you have to win his heart?
Is your husband mentally normal? or does he not get the fact that you cannot be pushed around all day.. by your in-laws and get zero respect from him in return..
YOU ARE NOT AN OUTSIDER .. that should be your first comment to him. Because the day you stepped into his house as a bride.. your status as an outsider was changed.
You should calmly and politely try to sit down with him.. talk to him and ask him why he thinks the way he does.. have his parents complained to him recently about you? or does his mother think that you dont do enough for the family?
Fighting and arguing back will not get you anywhere.. it'll make him more defensive about his family and wont leave a very positive impression on anyone.
Just stay cool, calm and collected.. i know its easier said than done but sometimes it can take u a long long way.
Try and spend time with you mother-in-law.. if shes sitting in her room and your not doing anything.. grab your child and go sit with her.. talk to her.. ask her if she needs anything.. try to make her realize that your not her enemy and that your a daughter of the family..
This is nothing where you need to make a place in their hearts.. you just have to work a little bit harder.. steer ur husband towards you with love and affection and respect.. if he shouts at you, just dont say anything that will make him get to the point where he might abuse you. Stay quiet, and once he's a little calm.. talk to him and tell him what u think needs to change..
Moving out may be out of the question as he might want to live with his family and if thts so.. then u need to figure out how to stick with what you have and make it work..
I know that 'jispar guzarti hai usko hi pata hota hai'.. but i hope this might help!
Re: i hata my husband
I know what you are going threw... Let people say what theyw ant ..jab gudh par beeth thi hai then you will understand..nobody hate his own husband, but when you get frustrated then that the only feeling left in ur heart
I am not married, but i have seen all this happenig from very close ..
So if you want to share your story let me know ..i would love to give you the advise i can ..
Hang on there ok !!!
Allah Hafiz