^ first I"m a muslim sister.
I am merely saying that...desigirl 786 statement, which I believe was written in response to the OP's statement : I mean after marriage a wife should come first, right? had an ounce of truth.
In Islam there are countless hadithes on for wives to be obedient to husbands. As such is an example:
Hadrat Abu Hurayrah Radhiallahu Anhu narrates that the Prophet (SAW)said: "If I had to command anyone to prostate before another human being, I would have commanded the wife to prostate before her husband."
Source Thirmazi
And thus the many hadithe's on son's to be obedient to their parents, and wives to be obedient to their husbands brung up the oft quoated adage that desigirl quoted: "In Islam a mother has rights over her son more than anyone else, that includes his wife. A husband has the greatest rights over his wife(more than her parents)" because you shall find NO hadith that demands where parents have rights over a married daughter, but plentiful hadithes where the husband has rights over the wife, and the mother over the married son.
Of course as in all situations, these can be taken to extreme, and llxxll is very correct in the statement:
Islam is a religion of balance neither the mother nor the wife should be preferred the rights of both are the obligation of a man. He must not neglect his wife's rights over his mother's and he must not neglect his mother's rights over his wife.
Re: I had a big argument with future-in-laws
^^those ahadith are correct and thank you for agreeing to my statement...
and sorry I thought you were muslim brother hehe sorry sis
Re: I had a big argument with future-in-laws
The Quran doesn't make silly statements like This one person has total RIGHT over this other person. No one but God has a right over you, and that much is clear in the Quran. As humans, the Quran asks us to be tolerant and kind to one another. Its mutual.
Therefore, statements such as Husband has total control over wife, or wife has to be totally obedient to husband are not in accordance with the Quran. It depends on the situation, and it depends on the circumstances. Regardless, everyone should treat everyone else with respect, and Islam gives a woman the right to REFUSE a proposal in a situation where she feels she will be unhappy.
That much is simple. There is no need for a woman to take abuse lying down, and nothing in Islam that suggests you should. You are unhappy with a situation, then either fix it or get out.
Re: I had a big argument with future-in-laws
Why is it so hard to understand that both mother AND wife have rights over you in Islam? A mother is granted the highest place, yes, but ISLAMICALLY, we are also asked to be nice and kind to others and that applies to mothers as well. So regardless of their numero uno rights over the son, they still need to follow the rules and boundaries when it comes to meddling and causing trouble between a couple. Im sure that just because he's your son, Allah swt will not overlook that you're creating tension between two people and causing pain/hurt to your daugter in law- that is simply NOT allowed, parent or not. Same goes for the father too, granted you have raised your son and enabled him to be what he's today but why act so childish with your bahu? Why is it so hard to respect and love the girl your son is getting married to? Sorry but mothers or fathers cannot go on torturing the new girl in the family in the name of being a parent and having the most rights over the son. That's just plain ridiculous. And how convenient to use Islamic rights when people need to prove their rights over their children, where is Islam when you're treating someone like crap?
As for wife's rights, people need to read about them because I feel so many of us are totally oblivious to them. There's a hadith along the lines that, the best of you is the one who's kind to his wife. Honestly, it's upto the man to figure out a balance between son duties and husband duties. Learn to call spade a spade, don't go on being a momma's boy and don't shun your parents out of your life because you're so in love with your wife. Learn to have a balance.