PCG I have a feeling that as soon as u realize ur actually falling for someone ur going to find some way to sabotage it, by ur preconceived notions (of how life is supposed to be and should be or has to fit into some cookie cutter of ur own making) and also because u might be too embarrassed to accept to urself that u could actually like a guy and despite his short comings and not checking all the boxes on ur list (just being realistic) things can still work out for the best. And also because of how u believe u r, that u r too strong to give that much power to another human being, that ur life would to be too entwined with someone else and thus too dependant and not in ur control, something that u have decided to never let happen. That u r independent and ambitious and how all this stuff is just crap… I’m just doing it to be socially acceptable and it’s the direction my life is supposed to go in (atleast that’s what society tells us), u might be surprised to find that life can be good and is good either way.
P.S sorry for all the run-ons but this post was just written as a train of thought. I might have it all wrong but just an analysis on my part.