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this "fixing" phobia is in many desi men ... "shadi k baad mein thik ker doun ga" ... "sambhal lounga" ... transforming the girl into the mold of what he pictures as his perfect wife.
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**the house built on a weak foundation doesn't stand long. he behaved very badly when u posted on his FB wall. men usually are at the best b4 marriage. he is showing his true color even b4 the nikah so think how he is gonna become. he needs a lot of growing up to do.
my advice is forget him. he is not worth it. it was a serious thing that he blew for no good reason. he is in other words a perfect "jerk". excuse me for my lingo. sorry.**
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wow. tough situation. i would try my best to talk to him before the nikkah...preferably in a public place and maybe have an elder or someone you trust nearby?
he seems immature and not ready for marriage. i know these "little" things he lied about may seem trivial to some, but if the basic foundation of your nikkah/marriage is built on little white lies...then what to expect later in life?
talk to him and make sure this is what you BOTH want and are ready for. marriage is no joke.
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When I read your post, I thought that maybe you should "unstuck" yourself by ending the rishta because this is not the first time he has behaved in such a juvenile manner. However, at the same time....you were also at fault. Guys, and people in general, do NOT like being nagged. And it's not unusual for girls to turn into bridezillas while preparing for their wedding. If you're nagging him........stop. If you're calling him every so often to check up on whether or not he's done something.....stop. Give him some space. The FIRST thing (that I think) you need to do..............is discuss (calmly) with him some of his comments. START with admitting your own mistakes first....so that he won't get defensive from the get-go. Then tell him that you were upset by the word "fix" because it sounds like a threat. And ASK him what he actually means by the word "fix" and how he plans to "fix" you. Seek some clarification on that matter. And then tell him that while your mentioning the word "divorce" may be taken as lack of interest in the marriage......that HIS comment of "I don't know and I don't care" can also be taken as a lack of interest. Tell him that you understand what YOUR mistakes are....but that you feel he has also made mistakes. Talk about how you both should resolve arguments in the future.
If you sort everything out........then make a plan (with him) for the wedding. Divide your duties. If you've been nagging him, tell him you'll stop and that you trust that he'll get things done. Instead of nagging, just ask him a date by which he thinks he can get tasks completed. Or make your life easier and give him tasks that you think he can handle and you delegate the other tasks to your family members.....or his mom/siblings etc. Don't be completely dependent upon him. Communicate with him via email or phone......if he doesn't like you leaving messages about the wedding on his FB wall.
^Reflect over your own mistakes. Clear the air and make a plan for the wedding...do this before the Nikkah. If things ONLY get worse.......then take a break to figure out if you even want to go through with this. Ending an engagement (despite what your parents say) is not as bad as being trapped in a miserable marriage.
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He was telling his mom (who won't be at the nikah but be a part of rulhsati) that he wanted to do bidh boxes but I told him that there is no need. He even lied about the photographer thing saying that I never told him anything. These issues may seem childish but to me these small things mattered a lot. Well not anymore I guess. I don't even want to be a part of this wedding anymore, let alone any arrangements.
SO, he wanted to have bidh boxes. Is that the WORST thing in the world? Frankly speaking......the boxes can be a refreshing change from the the little net bidh pouches that are commonly seen. It's not only your wedding, Spoko. It's his as well......and you can't control every little detail. Once you do that, he'll feel stifled........and then he'll resent you........and try to find ways to get the "control" back. And people can sometimes resort to immature behavior (lying, etc) to get the control back. The boxes can be a cute idea. Hear him out, listen to what he says. Compromise. WHen he does something right....compliment him. If he has a great idea....acknowledge it.
Let's say that he did indeed "lie" to his mom.........lying is not the only problem he has. He "runs" and complains to mommy. So after the wedding.....whenever he has little arguments with you.......is he going to run to his mommy and tattle? (Nope, not saying that you should do that with your mom either). This is another thing that needs to be discussed. You guys should work like a team.....and that's not happening. If you want to marry him...then you need to bring it up with him that you have to work together together......and try to solve problems on your own...as opposed to involving the parents all the time.
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Sometimes how one behaves BEFORE marriage, tells you a lot....imagine what will happen after they have you.
Not that I mean to scare you completely, but its important to think about.....one should never take someone forgranted and you need to know that you are a special person and should be treated that way
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uummmRV---he lied to his mom and said she doesnt want bidh boxes, when she does but he won't respond properly. i think that's what she means...and do these petty issues matter when he sounds so immature and narcissistic and disrespectful?
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^ I thought he lied about the photographer and not the bidh boxes.
They’re both immature. The thing is women can turn into bridezillas (and I’ve seen it) when getting ready for a wedding. I’m not defending him…he sounds like a loser. In the last thread she created about him…which was months ago…she was complaining about the same inconsistent wishy-washy behavior from him. However, at the time, she wasn’t giving him space…so she was advised by several members to do that. Nagging can be suffocating. If she’s doing that, she needs to stop.
He didn’t seem very “into” her in her last thread…but then you think that if he made the decision to marry her…then he must be interested. His priorities don’t seem to be in the right order…and something is up with him…it seems like he’s afraid of getting married. Maybe she needs to think about if this is his usual style (immaturity/lying/tattling/ignoring) of dealing with conflicts. If that’s how he’s always been…then she has to ask herself if she wants to marry him cuz people don’t change easily and bad habits don’t disappear so fast. I think that even if Spoko were to arrive at the conclusion that it’s better not to marry him…she’ll do it to appease her parents so they don’t have to worry about marring their izzat. Cuz obviously, family izzat is FAR more important than your daughter being trapped in a miserable marriage and then dealing with the “blemish” that is “divorce” 
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Protect your izzat at all cost.
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Leave him , end the rishta even if your family is against this decision. This guy is horrible he does not respect you he does not love you so why do you spend your life with someone1 who does not give you basic respect I understand love grows over a period of time but respect should be there. I agree with almost all the posters please end this rishta for your own sake.
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RUN! Run away as fast as you can!
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Let's say that he did indeed "lie" to his mom.........lying is not the only problem he has. He "runs" and complains to mommy. So after the wedding.....whenever he has little arguments with you.......is he going to run to his mommy and tattle? (Nope, not saying that you should do that with your mom either). This is another thing that needs to be discussed. You guys should work like a team.....and that's not happening. If you want to marry him...then you need to bring it up with him that you have to work together together......and try to solve problems on your own...as opposed to involving the parents all the time.
This thing !
Believe me this behaviour from your spouse can destroy the marriage it's very very painful and very very destructive. No decent man would do such a thing he is still a bacha jo apni mama kay pass shikayat ley kar jata hai.
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first of all, i never bi***** over bidh boxes. i don’t care if they r pouches or boxes. my mom told me that they come from the guy’s side and since his mom isn’t here, it’s his responsibility to get them. she asked me to ask him if he can arrange them and that is all i asked him and he told me that he did not care and that is why i decided to go ahead and have them made myself. he, in turn, lied to his mom saying that he wanted to make bidh boxes but i wouldn’t let him do it. same with the photographer. i called him and asked him to check the photographer out but he refused so i went ahead and hired him, and then he got mad and told his mom that i never even asked him before hiring a photographer. my exact words on his fb wall were ‘we have an appointment with the photographer on date/time’ and he got mad saying that i was spreading the news of our nikah on his fb? my mom apparently talked to him today explaining the importance of resolving issues without involving the third party aka his mother. mom said that he will change after marriage but i am not so sure. i have just seen my parents so upset. my dad even had tears in his eyes. the invitations are out, everything is booked and my family even has their flights/hotels booked. it’s easier to just say that cancel the wedding but it’s so much harder to take that step in real. that is why i feel so stuck and i am so unsure now and i don’t even know what will happen anymore…
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I have seen ppl called off the wedding a day before the the nikkah, even few hours before the nikkah. I dont think there is any badnami, you guys have lot of time to take a step back. Their bookings are not important/expensive then your life.
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spoko dear I know it’s easier said than done I have been in exactly same situation and later on I was sorry for not taking a step at appropriate time. If my sister was in your situation I would have advised her the same. I am telling you his behaviour is very abnormal and it will destroy your marriage . Remember that there is a limit to which one can tolerate right now you guys are not even married when you both will start living together then what ? His behaviour will make you bitter one day and that day you will loose your patience , love & tolerance towards him and then things will get worse. If this marriage is not giving you any happiness then what is the use of getting married. Remember that WE DON’T LIVE FOR PEOPLE and please never get married just for the sake of having a MARRIED status. You have a right to be happy don’t make yourself a door mat.
I wish you all the best 
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I feel that sometimes desi moms (knowing how sensitive a girl's reputation is, etc) brush things off as a "no big deal/it'll blow over/you be the sacrificing sati savitri and endure, etc. I'm interested to know how your dad feels about this guy. Was he crying because as the wedding draw nearer he realizes you'll be leaving? Or was it because he has concerns about this relationship? Or is it because he's afraid of you canceling the marriage and marring izzat/etc?
Talk to your dad (alone) and see what he says. Tell him about the lies, etc.........and get his opinion. Being a guy himself, he should have greater insight into the weirdness that is your fiance. Then............talk to your fiance.....starting first with admitting your own mistakes......then telling him how his words "I'll fix you" sound like a threat and how they make you feel..........and then his lies....and getting parents involved etc. See what your fiance says, Spoko. IF he continues to behave like an ass...........have a family meeting. If he behaves like a jerk even before the family.........then that might even help you in deciding whether or not you want to even marry him. WHo knows? Seeing his attitude.......maybe your own parents might even change their minds about this rishta.
Does he behave like this often? As in...........being deceptive to cover up his mistakes and protect his image at the expense of others? .....lying.....humiliating you.....giving you the cold shoulder so you end up chasing him...does he play these mind games often? If so.....do you want to marry him? Sure, you may be attracted to him. There may have been happy moments with him.......but are there more unhappy moments than happy ones? Honestly ask yourself...........do you (most of the time) feel unsure of yourself and you position with him...do you feel vulnerable......do you feel confused/frustrated more often as opposed to happy? Are you entering this marriage because you think that you've been in a relationship with him for soooo long that you don't want all that time to be a "waste"???? Apart from talking to this guy, you have some self-searching to do.
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how old are you and how old is he?
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I know it's not really his moms fault but in a way it kind of is because she shouldn't have gotten involved in the first place. It's his fault for being a jerk and not caring and involving everyone. It's my fault for telling him that I would divorce him right after the nikah n by not talking to him. My mom said to not talk to him because I guess she doesn't want me to say something stupid to him even by mistake? Btw I didn't say the divorce thing on purpose. I was sooooooo upset because all he cares about is his facebook and his facebook friends. He doesn't care at all about any arrangements and if I make some decision on my own he has a problem because I 'didn't' ask him!
He is marrying you...not doing drugs that his image would get ruined if people found out he was getting married.
spoko, its your life and you know better. I just dont see the respect I should see. You know before marriage, people are usually worried about maintaining a decent image in front of their partner. He should be concerned about how you view him.
If he is already at a point where he does not care...well...it doesnt exactly make you feel all warm and fuzzy.
Has he always been like this?
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Seems like you both are in each other's grill with your attitudes. Could it be that you are a woman and hence overly sensitive and emotional this close to your wedding, and reading too much into whatever he does/says? Guys really aren't that much into the whole wedding arrangements/bling/hoo-haa compared to women, take it easy on yourself and him. Get yourself a nice relaxing spa treatment and discuss things with him without holding a gun to his head and another one to your own head, things might not seem as bad as they do right now.
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He will 'fix' you after nikah? If I were you I'd have my running shoes on.
I totally agree.
Keep there izzat now, and how about later? how about your life? Trust me that guy needs a kick right in front of his buddies.
Y did you tell him on fb about NIKKAH... he must have added too many of his girlfriends there, and one more thing, most of the guys
keeping spouses away from facebook are actually telling other girls they are being forced to marry. Be carefull!!!!!