My nikah is in 2 weeks and I am feeling horribly stuck. I was so happy last week but it all went downhill then. I asked my fiancé to please check out the photographer so we could hire him. He refused because he said that he was too tired. He wasn’t tired when he was chatting it up with his buddies on fb at 4am. When I Hired the photographer myself and told him the appointment time on his fb wall he got mad that I did it without asking him and he blocked me from his fb cuz he doesn’t want anyone to know about the nikah until after it has taken place. Since his mom isn’t here my mom asked me to ask him if he knew about the bidh. He said that he neither knew nor cared. When I got mad and refused to talk to him he said that he will ‘fix’ me after nikah. I in return told him that I would divorce him as soon as we were married. I made a mistake saying that because then his mom and him called my house and told my patents that I wasn’t interested in marriage anymore. My parents literally begged me crying and telling me to keep their izzat because everything is booked already. They made me call his mom and apologize. Everyone is blaming me for being so immature and getting mad over small things. Both his mom and mine told me to learn to ignore some things cuz ‘mard kabhi nahi badalta’. My mom has forbidden me to talk to him until after the nikah now. Am I really being immature? Isn’t it his responsibility to at least show a little care? I become extremely upset thinking about my nikah day, which until last week I considered to be the happiest day of my life. I am too scared now to even say anything to anyone anymore because I don’t want my parents to cry because of me again.
wow ... i read such stories here and i thank god i am in none of this "susraal" pressure! and never was !! what kind of man shows such lack of care 2 weeks before his nikah and gives a cold reply to a question that basically your mom asked!! wow!
When I Hired the photographer myself and told him the appointment time on his fb wall he got mad that I did it without asking him and he blocked me from his fb cuz he doesn't want anyone to know about the nikah until after it has taken place. Since his mom isn't here my mom asked me to ask him if he knew about the bidh.** He said that he neither knew nor cared. When I got mad and refused to talk to him he said that he will 'fix' me after nikah.***I in return told him that I would divorce him as soon as we were married. *
Wow, that is really out of order.. You both made a mistake but it is more his fault than urs imo.. Did he apologise as well? If not, that's unbelievably arrogant..
yup saying that was a mistake, but we all say stuff in anger and frustration. He shouldn't have made such a big deal out of it. You could've covered up by saying it was just a joke. You could still do it to ease up the tension a little by asking your hubby why did he have to take it so far when he knew you were just saying that out of anger and that you said it just as a response to what he said... nothing serious.
Don't get dis-hearted, this was just a little communication problem. You should ask your parents to contact him or his parents to check on all the preparations. Be very diplomatic and careful in such handlings, since you'll be spending your whole life with this man. Always wait for him to approach you, at least till nikah, on fb or any other communication channel. Hope this helps. Good luck :)
^ i totally agree ... i would feel totally put off by this situation ... but i also understand the parents' situation in all of this. between a rock and a hard place.
i guess it's also perhaps just nerves at this point from both of your sides and it's coming out this way .. hopefully things will simmer down and come back to being the loving and all as they should be soon after ..
Well when my mom called him afterwards and he complained about the divorce thing she told him k usne mazak main bola. She was like, "ja main bhi tujhe talak daiti hoon" just to turn it into a joke. I am tensed because it's my wedding and I wanted everything to go smoothly but he just seemed uncaring. He was telling his mom (who won't be at the nikah but be a part of rulhsati) that he wanted to do bidh boxes but I told him that there is no need. He even lied about the photographer thing saying that I never told him anything. These issues may seem childish but to me these small things mattered a lot. Well not anymore I guess. I don't even want to be a part of this wedding anymore, let alone any arrangements.
in any wedding ... in-laws can be a source of stress ... but it's most important to find your peace and strength with your strong and positive relationship with your husband. and if that is not there ... things can seem very distressful. i can understand that. but try and focus on yourself, your rest, your peace of mind ... go to take a yoga class ... release all this built up frustration ..
i cant imagine myself in this situation ... i could only foresee a major tantrum from my side ... advice is easier given ..
There was no reason for him to get his family involved into a minor fight. That’s basically as immature as it gets! NEVER acceptable!
Hopefully you see more pros than cons in this guy. Someone else said something about “in-laws,” but this problem has nothing to do with the in-laws but instead the jewel you’re marrying.
Remember he could have just been having a bad day/ week, you’ll never know until you talk to him. So if somehow you get the opportunity, do talk to him, and ask for his rationale behind his action.
Hopefully he understands how wrong it was to take such a big step two weeks before the big day. And I hope to god he apologized to you, because if he didn’t, good luck with your marriage.
Only marry him if you see him as a best friend, a great partner in tough situations, and if you trust your entire life on him.
im waiting for the trolls to come and start bashing the girl for mentioning the D-word (which u never do btw not even in jokes, esp so early in the relationship!), while forgetting the guy’s douce-bagginess
Im not sure at all what to tell you...sorry. The D word should be off limits and never said in anger...which is why you hear so many people saying ghussa is haram.
As for him being a douche bag...he is being so immature...Im wondering if you're marrying a man or adopting a child. Make sure you think this through and resolve this matter before the day of the nikah. Not resolving it would be a bad move.
I know it's not really his moms fault but in a way it kind of is because she shouldn't have gotten involved in the first place. It's his fault for being a jerk and not caring and involving everyone. It's my fault for telling him that I would divorce him right after the nikah n by not talking to him. My mom said to not talk to him because I guess she doesn't want me to say something stupid to him even by mistake? Btw I didn't say the divorce thing on purpose. I was sooooooo upset because all he cares about is his facebook and his facebook friends. He doesn't care at all about any arrangements and if I make some decision on my own he has a problem because I 'didn't' ask him!
To be honest it sounds like the guy does not want to marry you, if he did he would not have told his mom what you said and tried to sort it out with you 1 on 1. I think when you said the divorce thing it gave him the chance to call things off and make it all your fault. But you apologised and now everything is back on, get ready for a bumpy ride, I don't see this ending well.
Any person that stays on facebook till 4am is not ready to get married.
there's no way to postpone the nikaah for a little while so you two can sit down together and think it through practically and calmly a bit b/c emotions tend to cloud our judgment sometimes. see if this is something both of you want, not just you. is he having cold feet or is everything happening too fast for him, ask him when he feels like talking about it with you.
goodluck.