Eshaal, so sorry to hear about the pain you have to deal with every day of living without your Mother. Losing a loved one like a Mother or Husband, is like experiencing one of the most severe crises in human existence - and I know this feeling very well! The grief lasts as our love for them lasts - but in time that grief naturally absorbs into us, our loved ones will live on in our hearts and we will get used to living with that pain of missing them.
You had to quickly grow up at 12 and take over everything - and I really admire you for that esp' for bringing up your little sister. I am sure when she is older she will look at you in a motherly way and love you even more for that, Inshallah.
Keep your siblings close to you and just try to enjoy your time at home. Carry on being kind to your step-mother and in time she will bring you close to her, Inshallah. Don't lose that hope! Lol.
The heart is miraculously capacious and you have dealt with so much. Get involved with lots of activites with friends to keep yourself distracted and why not think about marriage...? I think it will do wonders for you.
May Allah Talah swt give your Mother a place in Jannat, Inshallah and may he give you so much more patience and so much to look forward to Inshallah. :)
Thank you so much for your words.
I didn't want to discuss it here but I've told u guys quite a lot so why not share one more thing: Well, the shaadi question raised 4 days back when I got this 'rishta' stuff from some family friends of my step-mom. My father and brother were offended by it as they believe that I'm too young to get married. I mean, my plan is to get Masters degree first and then think of marriage and stuff. I wanna be independent so the rishta thing wasn't that important to me. Anyway, I didn't really like their view of 'me being too young'. Was I not young when I used to tie my sisters hair? Was I not too young when I used to make grocery lists at age 12? Was I not young when I used to shop for my sisters school uniform and school books? Was I not young when I used to attend my sister's parent-teacher meeting? Was I not young when I started peeling vegetables? Was I not young when I used to stay awake so that my sister could sleep before me as she had the habit of sleeping while hugging mummy? Did anyone ever hug me? Did anyone ever think if I'm asleep or crying in my bed! Now they think I'm young. How could they forget those times! Nobody remembers that stuff at all.