I don't want to marry my cousin

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Hi to all!
I’m in a very confusing situation.I need your people’s suggestions that what should I do.
My parents want me to marry my cousin.But,I do not want to marry him.I have not had any feelings for him ever,and I do not think that even if I may marry him,I would still never have any feelings for him.It’s that,from childhood onwards,I knew that,I was to marry him,but still I could never have any feelings for him.It’s because,I feel he is not my type,and I can never be able to spend my life with him.But,how can I make my parents understand this?I have told them several times that,I do not want to marry him,but,they believe its my immaturity that making me say so.But,no,i cannot even imagine marrying him and spending life with him.
You people please help me and suggest me some ways that what should I do?How should I make my parents understand?

2

Re: I don't want to marry my cousin

Poor you.
only one advise. Be strong. Be very clear expressing your feeling to you parents.
No girly ifs and buts.

white Rihanna?
3

Make a decision -> I will not marry him
Stick to it and stand-up for it -> no matter what your parents say somehow make them understand that you won't be happy. Don't give up!

~*~ Time Pass June 2012 ~*~
4

Re: I don't want to marry my cousin

JUST SAY NO.
Plain and simple, just tell them "no. It is my right to say no and I say no."

If you leave it at that, let their comments arguments etc fall on your suddenly deaf ears and occassionally repeat "Its my right to say no and I say no" then there isnt much they can do.

I wish you the best of luck.

5

^ That andj do add that if they force you the nikah will be haram.

6

Re: I don't want to marry my cousin

Both the groom and the bride has the right to say 'no' to a marriage. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) annulled marriages in cases they were done forcibly. "Khansa bint Khidam (RA) narrated that her father gave her in marriage when she was a matron and she disliked that marriage. So she went to Allah's Messenger (pbuh) and he declared that marriage invalid" (Sahih al-Bukhari).

7

Rose_petal, just a word of wisdom. give it a second thought. sometimes, what parents think is because of experience and sight. Feelings do develop between husband and wife over time. I have seen many successful marriages like this.
In fact, I have seen love marriages failing big time these days.

For any new relationship, patience is required to develop understanding....some have 3 years of mangnee, daily meetings, talk over phone.....and end up in divorce just in 4-8 months after marriage.

I am not hurting you. You are free to decide. Just a word of wisdom from an elder.

Real world is different than the fantasy world of feelings.....

Also, go to an online site where match making is available using date of birth....there are Western and Indian Kundli making sites on internet (search in google, they are free. it takes a minute to check)....they will give results whether your stars match or not according to birth chart. You will have to put date, place of birth, location, etc. It has importance. Reject the rishta...if the results are "mismatch" or "no match". Trust me, moon, sun, earth, all have relationship with our lives....energies.. It is one aspect of our married lives.... It will show u score...like -500 or +500.....better if 1000+.....its a science well studied.....

8

Re: I don't want to marry my cousin

^listen to him. except for the kundlis and all that as astrology has no place here...

9

I don't think she should be doing that.I think if she marries her cousin,she may/may not develop feelings for him..it would be good if she would be able to develop feelings for him after the marriage,but what if she would never be able to develop feelings for him,even after getting married to him?I think she may risk spoiling her life like that..

10

Re: I don't want to marry my cousin

So what is the chance she will be happy if she marries someone else? There is always a risk, things dont work out and seem the way they were before marriage. Har chamakti cheez sona nahi hoti. This is why in my opinion what parents think for us is best, at least when something goes wrong we can vent to them about it and still be in the family. I have seen people being disinherited and what not because they did not listen to their parents! It is possible that the cousin really likes her/loves her. This way at least the person she is getting married to will take care of her and hold her in high esteem.

11

Re: I don't want to marry my cousin

**I second "mastanamalik" here... Just give your parents' views a second thought... They will never decide anything wrong for you, that's what I believe atleast.. I think its just making yourself think in THAT way... Just saying that "he's not of your type" doesnt solve your problem.. whoelse would guarantee you that someone else is of your type?!

A personal experience, like when I got engaged, that was all at 3 days notice, which none of us (me and my fiance were ready for), we dont know even a bit about ecahother... and gradually when we started knowing there are many aspects in his personality (s0 as in mine) which are totally different, yet you have to adapt... the secret of perfect life is not getting a perfect partner having similar thoughts and views... its having a partner even with a different views but with understanding and compromising nature... and even with all this, we are in love with eachother..
**

Achievements
12

hmmm...have u ever talked to ur cousin?..to which extent have u interacted with him?..or u just know him by face only?...

Its complicated dear!...sumtimes our minds get blocked n closed that we fail to see beyond wat we feel n think!. Give it sumtime. Strong n pure feelings can not be developed unless u give sum time n interact with the person n get to know him better....u mite find 100s of positive things in dat person as well as negative..then think about ur priorities n wat u want from ur partner!.

forced marriages fails too...it leads to total frustration n madness. If u r not willing to marry him then Stick to ur decision. U have all the right to say no if ur heart isnt willing!. Make ur parents understand...tell them wat u like wat u want in a mature way n reason out with them, tell them wat u dont like in dat person.

Even then...if they dont understand...make them feel that u wudnt b happy at all if they forced u to marry him, thought of marriage is sumthing which is suppose to make u happy n feel gud n not to make u die by heart!...

13

Re: I don't want to marry my cousin

Getting to know each other after marriage makes yourself successful in practical life. It is wonderful too with new things every other day. Like I said we all live in fantasy world.....always looking for ideals.....In fact, real world is cruel....and tough.... with hurdles....responsibilities......the ones who adjust with it eventually succeed....its give and take.....and regarding your cousins character......u are getting a certificate from parents......which is the most authentic institute.....not friends or anyone else....

Try to think with brain here, not heart.....because feelings come from heart and heart sometimes deceives.....

14

ROSE…this is a LONG MSG…but PLZ do READ it…

bless you rose…thats bad…it is true that Islamically you cannot be forced to marry against your will.
And in situations that that does happen, its not coz of Islam but coz of ''culture". Such a shame to blame the religion for stuff that people just make up and want to happen.
Anyway I advice you not to do anything stupid (like what they do in dramas…plz just dont dear).
Talk to your mother and say that as a woman she should understand that you dont want it and that it is your life and you get sick even thinking about marrying your cousin. tell her she of all people being your mother should understand…do not fall for the emotional blackmail…like in our culture they tend to say ‘hai mera blood pressure…mai mar he jaun to better hai…itna dard deti ho tum meri beti kese ho sakti ho…tera baap dill ka mareez hai…aggar mai mar gayee na to tumnai yeh shaadi nahin ki to mai tumko kabbee maaf nahin karrun gi’ bla bla bla…this is an example kai wo kya kuch keh sakte hain. just to get u prepared rose.
**>>> just keep in mind THIS IS YOUR LIFE AND YOU SHOULD HAVE ALL RIGHT TO LIVE IT THE WAY YOU WANT. **
also pray for Allah that He helps you and guides you and gives understanding to the people who are at the moment not listening at you.
**If you have any other religion…just pray to that God that you believe in. **
Be positive, focus on what you want and be determined not to lose your right!
Stand up for yourself.
Look this might seem very easy for me to say but this is what you should do really. Start by being strong for yourself, know what you want (and as i have read u do know u do not want to marry him) and then take actions. and be prepared for the storm you will land in and be sure you dont get stuck or let the storm overtake you. storm= all ur relatives turning against you coz u say no. as time will pass by they will realize they were wrong. they will forgive you (and if they dont then its their fault, Allah ya Ram ya jo be hai will ask them!).
Try to get in touch with an Imam (or other spiritual leader) and tell him your problem and ask him to make your parenst listen. These people know their stuff and can giude you well. Anyway if he says u shud marry ur cous…then u know u are dealing with a fake.
Can u talk to your cousin? how does he feel? cant u talk to him and tell him u see him only as a brother and nothing else and u do not want to marry him at all. try that???
Let me know kya hota hai please and what you decide. When do they want to plan the wedding? Stand up for yourself Rose dont waste any time.
You can also demonstrate by not eating and saying you dont want to live if u are being forced into u something you do not want at all. this may sound a bit like the drama i told u b4 not to do but then again chup chup kai kuch khaa lena…just demonstrate na…drama queen bano…cry your eyes out if u have to and else u just do not say the kabool word when u are asked…they cannot force you to speak those words at all. just REFUSE.
I hope mera advice kaam dayga aapko and if u have questions,plz do not hesitate to ask me ok.

All the best and my prayers are with you.

FAsanti.:flower1:

15

Pull out some scientific journals and show them that their chances of getting a mentally retarded grandchild are higher, if you marry your first (i am presuming) cousin.

16

Re: I don't want to marry my cousin

One of my friends was in same situation, she did "marakshi chilla" and it solved her problem.

17

wat is marakshi chilla?:konfused:

pathan jokes
pathan jokes
18

are you trying to defend forceful arranged marriages? using some really senseless arguments too i must say...

true there is always a risk that she might not b happy with sum1 else but wtF shes definitely not going to b happy with this one shes gonna have to force herself to love her and then defend her marriage for the rest of her life... did you go thru the same thing? forced urself into loving your cousin and now just defending the concept? no offense intended but please dont throw these ideas at someone..

19

you have forced yourself into luving the guy.... its nothing but a big compromise..u have to live with it.. and so ur defending it.. leave the girl alone please..

20

Re: I don't want to marry my cousin

Talk to ur mom and tell her that you see ur cousin as a brother and cant even imagine to spend the life with him.
When my cousin (male) was getting married,his mom suggested some girls in family, but he refused because he saw them as sisters, and so he married to a girl outside family :)
hope it works out for u.