I don't know what to do..

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Hi all

I have a dilemma and I don’t know what to do! Maybe it’s because of pregnancy or hormones but advise will be helpful!

I’ve have been married nearly six months n live in UK with my hubby. My parental family lives around five hours drive from me and my in laws are back in pk. I don’t visit my parents a lot n they hardly come regulary. Anyways to the problem we are struggling financially. I have told my hubby that I want to wait until we are stable but he said Allah will provide for us. We will get more barkat..

He smokes a lot! Cigarettes in front of me knowing That I can’t stand the smell! I puke everytime I am near him because the smell is everywhere! I have told him alots of time how its harmful for him, me n the baby. But still he doesn’t pay a heed! He said he will stop soon! But never does! He got caught last we were in pk n his mom made him promise not to smoke but as soon we were in Dubai airport, he smoked! Cigarettes are expensive n we can save a lot but no! He doesn’t even do grocery on time! I don’t have a lots of fruits to eat at home! He gives cigarettes more priority than home food or grocerry! Btw, we do grocery online. All he has to do is pay but no cigarettes are his priority!

I literally starve most of the day because there is nothing to eat! No fruits etc! I do my best to hv milk everyday n dinner with him.

He doesn’t tell his parents this! They are well off in pk n retired, living fro various property rents they own! I can’t tell my parents this either because I don’t want them to worry as they have far lot worries in their lives.

My hubby doesn’t respect my patents or family! My family respects him n every time we meet or go there to live, they take care of him n even take him to outings like restaurant n pay for the food! They even give him gifts but he still complains to me that it’s not big enough like mac that he wanted desperately! Why not tell his parents to buy it for him! My parents are still working n we are three sis! They don’t have son! They think him of like a son they never had… I’m the eldest n only one married. It hurts me a lot! My mum calls me everyday to speakk to me n ask about health etc.. What he says whenever he comes back from work “tumhari kutti maa ka phone nae aaya?” … I mean is this the way to talk? He has no manners!! I never speak ill of his family!

He even calls me kutti because of his love for dogs! Yes he hugs me n kisses me but callin me that nick? He knows I don’t like it!

I have no one to speak to where I live. No friends or family I know of! My hubby expects me to be home all the time! I can’t go out or step out of a door because he takes keys with him! I get lonely n bored!

I wouldn’t say my hubby is bad but there are things that I don’t like of him! He’s nice, lovin but then there are other things too…

Oh n my inlaws haven’t told anyone in their family that their first son is going to be a dad soon! The only son who can provide them with grand kids! What the hell? They want me to b pregnant etc then why not spread the joy?

How can I improve things? Even though I am pregnant I am still hunting for jobs where I can earn some cash! But because we live in such area where there are hardly jobs for graduates!

I think that’s it for now …

2

Re: I don't know what to do..

Shocking!! Did you know him/his financial condition before marriage?

Are you looking for working from home because otherwise how will it work when he doesn't let you go outside?

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Re: I don't know what to do..

He called ur mom kutti? How sick, you should take an action against this . If I were you,I would had told him if he want me to respect his parents them my parents also deserve some too.

If you don't mind then can u tell why his having problems financially? If his job doesn't pay enough then he could apply for other jobs or look for a part time job.

Why he doesn't let u go out? Did you ever ask him

4

Re: I don't know what to do..

Get yourself some fruit.
Make duplicate copy of key.
Give him a cute nickname too. How about khoti?
Tell ur generous parents to gift him cigars.
Push him to smoke 24/7.
It'll be the end of him soon.

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Re: I don't know what to do..

tell him to quit smoking or you will tell this to his mom and dad. actually, just tell them already. and that he calls your mom the k-word and that he's broke and cant even buy you nutritional food when you are pregnant. do it.

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Re: I don't know what to do..

You're pregnant and starving all day? He calls you kutti? He calls your mother kutti? He doesn't let you step out of the house? He smokes around you knowing you're pregnant? He would rather buy cigarettes than food for the home? What part of this man was loving? I seem to have missed it.

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Re: I don’t know what to do..

Yeah, I missed it too. Then I went back and Read again. I guess it would be the little bit about him loving dogs that makes him loving. Shrugs shoulders. :no:

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Re: I don't know what to do..

Why the heck are you having his babies after only 6 months of marriage when you've no food at home to begin with.

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Re: I don't know what to do..

Ya Allah! Yeh Kitna Ganda Insan Hai!

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Re: I don't know what to do..

What a sad soul he is...utterly disgusting!

Does he call his mum/sister kutti too!
:(

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Re: I don't know what to do..

T

R

O

L

L

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Re: I don't know what to do..

^^
I sincerely hope so..

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Re: I don't know what to do..


We are restricted to apply to job furthermore because of his visa which is currently tied with his current employer. he works in MNC , good job but not enough for family to get through. Believe me, It hurts me a lot and I even tell him off alot of times. I can't tell you how my mother repeatedly tells me on the phone to respect your husband etc... My parents think of him like a son! whenever my mum calls during night and wishes to speak to him, he swears silently before taking the phone from me! what the hell? They are just speaking to you because they care for you! I never do that! but he doesnt take me serious!! he thinks I am the meek type, goody two shoes.. etc. I think even my in laws think that just because I am not that out spoken or speaking against them in front of them, is just my way of showing my respect to them. He doesn't get marriage is a two way compromise! On the other hand, He does contractual work during the weekend. I know he is trying and its pressure thats making him smoke. He never tells his family about financial problems. I mean why not? I even mentioned once to ask his family. he said it doesn't look good to ask his old parents, we should be sending money back home not the other way around. Which I get that but they are living well off, why not ask for some cash for sometime being. As for not going out, he thinks it like "awara gardi, awara phirna etc"... I dont know why he thinks that! We hardly go out during the weekends either! once there were no tomatoes at home which are essential for curry, I nipped out to my local store which is 5/10 mins walk and I caught him coming there too as it's also near his work.. So I followed him in and caught him by suprise when he was actually there to buy cigs! He asked me what are you doing there? why are out without my permission etc! I told him straight there was nothing at home to cook even to make dinner.. I needed few stuff.

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Re: I don't know what to do..

Just because your having a life time, doesn't mean everyone else is! It's not a joke.. If you can't understand someone else's issue or problems or give any advise, I doubt your needed here!

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Re: I don't know what to do..

lol.. It's kind of harsh.. My dad even told him in a good man to man way to quit smoking and how dangerous it is. Hmmm khoti? not bad. Maybe I should do that too.. Isn't it khota for guys right? He even calls me bandar..

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Re: I don't know what to do..

I did once while he was on phone with his parents and smoking.. I actually said it loudly so his parents can hear him too "band karo cigs pena, mujhe smell lag rahi hai".. He got so mad that he cut off the phone and told me off! Sometimes I feel he expect me to feed myself!

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Re: I don't know what to do..

I guess he also calls me bandar now days... i guess he likes calling me animal names? before marriage he was very loving but i dont know what happened after wedding. i guess I still feel I can change him for the better or he becomes better when his child is out.

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Re: I don’t know what to do..

I guess he does have aggressive style and has his own way of loving. like I said earlier he likes to call me bandar.. But I want him to stop calling my family names and stop smoking to begin with!

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Re: I don't know what to do..

like I mentioned, I was hesitant to begin with because of financial situation. he didnt listen to me, infact he said god will provide us and he wanted kids badly. We have the basics but no variety. I cook dinner for him everyday when he comes home from work. I actually dont eat a lot during mid day to prevent the food from running out. even make him lunch when he comes for lunch which is late breakfast. There is money but it needs to be managed properly instead of wasting on cigs etc..

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Re: I don't know what to do..

No he doesn't call them that.. how can I improve him?