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If you are “hoping” that your husband will love you MORE than his father…then this attitude can potentially hurt your marriage. That’s almost like treating this issue as a competition between you and your FIL. You are his wife…he is your husband’s father. A wife and parents are two completely different relationships. You can’t replace one with the other…you can’t even compare them. Therefore, there shouldn’t even be a competition. And it’s unreasonable to even hope that the spouse would love one relation more than the other. Atomic Kitten, if someone were to ask you, “Who do you love MORE…your mother or your husband?” How would you answer that question? You can’t even answer it. You don’t love your parents and your spouse in the same way. Each have a different but special place in your life. Your husband might even argue that he has only known you for a few months…whereas his parents have raised him his whole life…you can’t compare the few months he has spent with you to the many years they’ve devoted to their son. So…don’t “hope” that he’ll love you or respect you “more” than his dad. The important thing is that he should love you and respect you as his wife and fulfill the Islamic rights you have on him as your wife.
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You say that your FIL is freaking out over the effect that you have over your husband. Well, ideally…he shouldn’t be freaking out. He grew up without a dad himself…and is attached to his two sons. He may be especially attached to your husband because that is his first child. YOU might be able to help him not “freak out” over you. You said that you’re very cautious around your FIL…maybe he senses that. Try bonding with him a bit. Show him that you’re not competing with him for his son. Show him that he shouldn’t feel threatened by him. It would take patience and courage to do this. Maybe when he wants to spend time with your husband…you can openly say “sure, go ahead”…that way your FIL will see that you’re okay with hubby spending time with him and that you’re not trying to steal him. Stay calm…and maybe he’ll become more relaxed as well. Sometimes when you tense up and get into fighting/competition mode…the other person can tense up and start competing as well.
Anyhow, best wishes with everything.