A close family friend’s son came to my uni this year, and he also lives on res, the one right next to mine actually. His parents and my parents are really tight (harwaqt ka utna betna) and me and him were good friends as well before he came to uni. He was 17 when he came to uni and the youngest child. I’m really good friends with his mum as well, and while they were deciding which uni he should go to, I was actually encouraging them not to send him here. His parents really respect me, and when he came here they were happy to know that atleast I was here if he ever needed anything.
Now this guy is essentially a nice guy, but ever since he came he’s been making full use of his new found freedom - bad habits, strange group of friends and a string of girlfriends who I highly disapprove of. I know it’s none of my business but I do feel responsible for him. I’ve tried talking to him and he knows exactly how I feel, but in the last few months I’ve laid off, hardly ever see him and he’s been doing his own thing. He has failed most of his subjects in the mid year exam and his taste in girls is awful - even the guys think so. I particularly dislike his girlfriend, and I guess my suspicions were right. He’s basically got himself into a huge mess, his girlfriend dumped him because she likes a friend of his, he went and slit his wrist pretty badly last night and his friends went to beat up this other guy. Now this guy who his gf likes is the brother of a very good friend of mine. Not only has he made rifts with his friends, but has made things awkward for me too, since we’re the only 2 Pakistanis around and everyone knows I’m like an older sister to him.
I want to stay out of the mess and out of his life, but every time I see his parents they grill me as to how he’s doing on campus and what he gets upto. I now seriously want to tell his mother that he can’t handle his freedom, he’s got himself into a mess and that he should go to the uni in his hometown until he’s a bit more mature.
I feel that even if I do talk to him he won’t understand or pay heed - he’s very strongheaded, mind you a bit stupid too.
I say talk to him 1st. Tell him that ur considering to inform his parents about what he's upto. See how he reacts and then decide what to do.
For instance, if he reacts like he doesnt care then go for it and tell his parents and if he is regretfull of the way he's behaving then give him another chance (?!)
Now this guy is essentially a nice guy, but ever since he came he's been making full use of his new found freedom - bad habits, strange group of friends and a string of girlfriends who I highly disapprove of. I know it's none of my business but I do feel responsible for him. ** I've tried talking to him and he knows exactly how I feel **,
He's a univ student so I don't think his parents can handle or control him but you should let them know what he's been doing so later, they don't "blame" YOU for his deeds -> "If you let us know earlier we'd have done something!"!
Why would they blame me? That would just be stupid. I'm not his guardian away from home, but I genuinely fear for his future and what he's getting himself into.
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*Originally posted by cat-woman: *
Suroor, haven't spoken to him lately. He's 18 now, should be able to make his own decisions? What do you think?
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at the age of 18 kids think they are alwayz right and everyone else is wrong. they are usually in their own world. (not that every 18 year old is like that) n judging from what u've said it seems he is a lil immature to make any responsible decisions. :-)
hence, i wud say talk to his parents about it before he does some more harm to himself.
The moment he became a danger to himself is a cause for concern. You should speak to your mom and have her speak to his mom. That way...you can have one degree of seapration.
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*Originally posted by cat-woman: *
Why would they blame me? That would just be stupid. I'm not his guardian away from home, but I genuinely fear for his future and what he's getting himself into.
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people do that all the time..:) They have been asking you about how he's doing at uni so they might as well blame you for not letting them know the truth but who knows. I know they shouldn't hold you responsible for anything but as I said before, people do that all the time...
hmm… if his parents were to find out accidently.. IE visit school one day and see his harkaatein then that would solve your problem..
Even though its for his good, he wont appreciate you telling on him and it may also make his parents unconfortable if they knew you knew what he was upto…
^ Tell me about it, I'm still torn. Whenever I see him I get so frustrated and feel like wringing his neck. Still not sure what the plan of action is...but thanks for your advice everyone.
Well, we just had a really long heart-to-heart. He seems to be alright, and is still madly in love with his girlfriend. Saw his cut, went from his wrist to his elbow, but wasn't deep. I feel really sorry for him.
But...I told my parents...and they FREAKED...went BESERK...spoke to my dad for half and hour, and then my mum. And then they phoned me again. They're taking it VERY SERIOUSLY. So I had to tell them to CHILL. But they won't.
