So, my marriage has been arranged with my cousin.It would be purely arranged marriage,arranged by our parents.Initially I wasn't willing to marry him but now I feel perhaps my age is passing by, so I should marry him only.But I don't feel any liking towards him,I don't even feel comfortable around him.Ever since the proposal has been confirmed by our parents,we both haven't even talked to each other.We both live in different countries.He seems to be happy and all,that's what i have heard about from my female cousins,but I'm scared.What if this disliking feeling,this discomfort feeling would exist even after i get married to him.Sometimes i feel perhaps I'm just doing a compromise by marrying him.But would it cause issues after i get married to him?Would things be okay after the marriage?
I'm just kind of confused,and don't know what to do.Keep advise.
Part of the problem is...you have to be with the person you are going to get married in order to know him and kill your discomfirtness.
It can not be done over night.... Even before getting any physical with each other you will have to know him.
So...I know it is hard but you have to reach out to him as much as he tries to reach out to you.
You need to think about what you want. And go with it. Growing up - you may have always wanted something? so if that is the case go with it. If you feel this is right. Then stick with it. No one wants displease parents. But at the same time if you cannot see yourself with this man.
I would say - you have two options - give it a try or not.
Deep down you know the right answer!! You could wait for prince charming but he doesn't always come! (:()
You need to think about what you want. And go with it. Growing up - you may have always wanted something? so if that is the case go with it. If you feel this is right. Then stick with it. No one wants displease parents. But at the same time if you cannot see yourself with this man.
I would say - you have two options - give it a try or not.
Deep down you know the right answer!! You could wait for prince charming but he doesn't always come! (:()
Yes, and i don't want to get old and alone while waiting for Prince Charming to come! :(
I know someone who got married under the same circumstances. She has been married for 2 years now and she says the feelings havent changed. She still finds difficult to talk to him
So, i actually kind of talked to my dad regarding this,but according to him,since now he has confirmed everything with the guy's family,so now it's too late that anything can be done..
seems there's no other way for me than to try to accept him and start liking him :$
So, i actually kind of talked to my dad regarding this,but according to him,since now he has confirmed everything with the guy's family,so now it's too late that anything can be done..
seems there's no other way for me than to try to accept him and start liking him :$
I haven't read the rest of the thread - has a wedding date been set or can it be changed? At the very least your family owe it to you for you to get to know the guy and be sure that this relationship is going to work and for that you need time.
Truth is, you're the one who has to spend your life with the guy - if you're not sure and believe you won't be happy, isn't it better to resolve that before the marriage as opposed to after?
Truth is, you're the one who has to spend your life with the guy - if you're not sure and believe you won't be happy, isn't it better to resolve that before the marriage as opposed to after?
This.
I have read most of the thread and your attitude at this point seems to just accept things. On one hand, you have absolutely no chemistry/attraction/feelings for him, to the point that you pretty much dislike him. On the other hand, you don't have the conviction to state this out right, and put your foot down to your family on this matter regarding YOUR life. Yes it is YOUR life, not theirs. But if you are resigned to it and don't want to fight it, then don't blame anyone later if things don't turn out the way you want them to. I'll say it once again: This is your life. Take control of it.
No, the wedding date hasn’t been fixed yet.But my dad says the proposal was accepted in front of so many people that,if now he says anything against it,it would be like an insult to him,as what people would think
I don’t seem to have any other way than to accept my parents’ choice because,iam just never able to handle/face my dad’s anger.
A girl I know had serious reservations about her fiance before she got married. She voiced her concerns - and everyone just brushed her concerns aside. She ended up marrying the guy only to leave him about 1 year later. Her issues hadn’t changed - they had just crystallized after the marriage. Her parents were livid that she opted for a divorce - that’s when they said, if she wasn’t sure about the guy, she shouldn’t have married him in the first place
Moral of the story, Allah na karey/God forbid the incompatibility issues between you and your fiance rise to the level of opting for a divorce, wouldn’t it be easier for your parents to “save face” (and yes parents still care about this) with a broken engagement rather than a divorce?
I’m not trivializing divorce - it is a necessary step for some people and the “saving face” comment is aimed more at narrow-minded society, but the point is you are in a unique situation where you have the ability to use preventative measures instead of corrective measures. MAKE YOUR PARENTS LISTEN TO YOU!!!
Ask for time and ask to be given the opportunity to be certain about this guy - again your life and your happiness is at stake.
redrose, arranged marriages have their pros and cons ... But alot of times they arent as bad as we make them out to be. I can understand you dont feel comfortable around your cousin, how much have you gotten to know him? has he made any effort to get to know you? can you take the first step?
Discomfort is a natural thing to feel initially in an arranged marriage. why you are feeling it , is very important. Is it because you know something about the guy thats making you feel jittery about his personality/character/mindset? Or is it purely because you feel you dont know him enough?
If its the former , then its extremely important you face your parents now rather then later. but if its the later, then you must give him an opportunity. get to know him. its not like you are getting married tomorrow. there is ample time for you and him to speak to each other and find out the level of compatibility between the two of you.
for heaven sake dont get married,if u dont feel like bcoz the prize will be very high ur children
bear all through the life,stay alone it will good for ur entire life
Listening you're story just interprets the life of norm Pakistanis. You at least have the right to talk to him a few times before you make such a huge step. And if this doesn't help and the feeling of uncomforted continues. I wouldn't suggest marrying him them. At least give each other time to understand each other. That's the most important part.
for heaven sake dont get married,if u dont feel like bcoz the prize will be very high ur children
bear all through the life,stay alone it will good for ur entire life
