I deserve a youth

Lifestyle Relationships
1

I deserve a jawani :naraz: .. I’m almost 21 yrs old, I dont wanna waste away my years just sitting around being a robot, study, work, study, work, study, work.. my only way of socializing being through facebook or msn :grumpy: ..

I dont wanna have to feel guilty or be told to change my major coz I have a late class, coz good lil grls dont stay out at night (7 PM) even if its for school coz for some reason after dark, all the monsters come out.. :rolleyes:

Im sick of being told that I can have “single grl” fun after I get married.. BULLSH*T!!! ::grumpy:

Im not talkin abt going to all night parties getting drunk or whatever, but I wanna be able to have dinner with freinds at a reasonable hour and not have to beg them to leave work early :bummer: or even go to a wedding or formal or something.. but nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo i can’t, coz everything is always in Brooklyn or Queens or Manhattan, and I cant go and other grls who go all go with each other n they live in the same neighborhood or have dads to drive them around, and if I had been living in Bk too, then i could hang out with them til 12 at night.. :rolleyes:

I know it sounds so petty, “the right to chill”… but its more than that.. Its peace of mind, feeling like a mature adult.. i want to feel like a normal person, not someone with a pathetic curfew of being home before dark, who is prohibited even from working or taking certain classes coz of the time it ends.. I want to be able to relax and have fun with my friends instead of worrying abt “omg when is she gonna show up? i have to goooooooooo” or concentrate on class, instead of looking at the clock, wondering when professor is gonna stop talking coz I have to catch the xpress train else i’ll be 20 minutes late (late for what?) …

For the last few years I’ve given up fighting for it coz I felt it wasnt worth it, I didnt wanna fight with my parents, esp since after my dad got sick.. My brother fought for his indepdence and he’s happy where he is, but I also saw how much my parents , esp ammi, hurt because of it, and no matter how much I hate my life sometimes coz of their stupid paindoo rules, I cant put them through tht hurt… but these last few months here, i felt liek I was 16 again, and Ive absolutely hated it.. Ive seen how my cousins live here, how their life is and its the only life theyve ever known, maybe they’re happy/satisfied with it, maybe thye’re not.. but I would fking kill myself if I had to live like tht..

:naraz:

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Re: I deserve a youth

I went through that as well, and if your parents are anything like mine, they'll treat you like that until you've atleast graduated. The only way to gain their respect and trust, and get them to give you independence is to get a decent job and good grades. I was living at home last year, and my mum is the type who makes sure I take my cellphone even if I'm going to the corner grocery store.

I say get a scholarship at a University in another city. I really think kids - girls or guys, should move out once they're 20-something. Our desi culture protects the younger generation too much. Otherwise you become spoilt, lazy, and can't function without depending on them. Living on your own is a real growing experience. I wish my parents hadn't been so overprotective sometimes.

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Re: I deserve a youth

I really wish they hadnt been so strict either.. I was very sheltered through high school (socially) n when I got to college, I made lots of mistakes with guys :rolleyes: friends etc.. coz i jus dint know how to handle anything, or what the “rules” regarding relationships .. just made an ass out of myself for so long, n i still am sometmes..

I knw the best thing to do wud be to just get a job and good grades.. but parents dont even understand that, if you ge ta good job, you take evening/weekend classes.. evening classes r such a problem for em, my dad says quit the job, or quit that class.. “but i need tht class” “well quit that major that has only night classes” :rolleyes:

I can understand being strict social-scene wise, but cmon, what sane, rational parent is liek tht when it comes to education ??? It just feels so hopeless sometimes, tht the only way out of the home, is to get married or die..

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Re: I deserve a youth

And i already AM spoiled, lazy and unable to function without them.. sorta.. feels hopeless :(

Travelling to Pakistan with 11 months old
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Re: I deserve a youth

yeah my parents were also really strict with me when i was in high school...(im so glad they were in pak when i went to my prom...lol...)...but with my brothers they were alwasy cool with them...made me sick....and now that im married i like the freedom that i have...and when i look at my younger single girl cousins,...they have 10 times more freedom than me at that age..lucky them....(I think what im writing doenst have any point, just wanted to stick my 2 cents in...and i wanna go home from work..its been a long day..so ciao bella!!)).....

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Re: I deserve a youth

:frowning: Bye :hugz:

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Re: I deserve a youth

:k: to some extent.

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Re: I deserve a youth

I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AGREE WITH U!

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Re: I deserve a youth

Does anyone other than catty have any advice on how to deal wit this, besides “it happened wit me!!”?? :bummer:

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Re: I deserve a youth

get married :p

hehe im joking!!

it's so important to know who you are, what you want out of life before entering a commitment of that sort.

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Re: I deserve a youth

I know.... :(

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Re: I deserve a youth

Sara, these were my exact thoughts at age 15-23. My parents were very over-protective. I knew they loved me and worried about me. But I knew there was another part of them that didn't trust me. They thought that I would do the wrong thing if given the choice. So they didn't want me to be exposed to the real world. It wasn't until I was 23, finished University and working that they started to loosen up a tiny bit. I think it was only because I was more confident in myself and in my religious convictions.

I think maturity has alot to do with gaining respect. There were times when I chose to help my parents rather than go have fun and they knew that. They appreciated that and started to realize that it's ok for me to have a life too. I think as you get closer to marriage they realize that they have to let you go a bit because soon you'll be gone. I didn't realize until after marriage just how isolated I was all my life. I learned so much after marriage, especially social skills. Now, I never pushed my parents to let me do whatever I wanna do. I never made a fuss about it. But as a teen I didn't even know how to use a bus. They drove me everywhere and babied me. I had to start with small steps to show them that I could do things on my own too and it wouldn't hurt me or them.

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Re: I deserve a youth

GIRLS NEED TO BE PROTECTED. Otherwise one day they'll come home pregnant. I know I'm being harsh here but I really feel parents need to keep a CLOSE eye on girls, especially in North America.

Also, you should be grateful that your parents worry about u so much. I've had white friends whose parents left them after they were born. Infact, I had a friend in junior high whose father urinated on him after getting drunk.

So give thanks to Allah for such loving and caring parents.

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Re: I deserve a youth

sara bibi .. .. in second college, i was 19, and i partied out to the max.. why cuz i knew, when i would finish THIS chapter.. that would be IT between mortgage-bills-payments life and faizy..

i delayed my education while maintaing the enjoyment.. (sucking fun outa life) cuz.. i knew what i was getting into .. :-)

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Re: I deserve a youth

Sara516, dont worry, we'll elope and then i'll let you "chill"

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Re: I deserve a youth

^ When are u comin to get me? :blush:

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Re: I deserve a youth

Anil, thts the stupidest argument I ever heard.. I can understand being strict at 12 n 16 yrs, but parents should also realize, if they taught their child right from wrong, instilled in them the right values, she won’t come home pregnant :rolleyes: You talk abt grlz needing a close eye, what about the guys who get them pregnant? Or is that okay, the grl was a slut, he can just leave her behind and move on wiht his life? Brothers will lock up their sisters but then%

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Re: I deserve a youth

Sara dear, my parents were like that when I was in high school I didnt participate in any social stuff at all and I was lacking behind when it came to how to deal with guys in general n stuff like that.
When I was in 9th grade my class was going to London for 1 week trip. And I soooo wanted to go!!my parents refused but I kept on discussion with them and finally I was allowed to go. After that I have been allowed to travel with school, college, uni, and job. And I have been to somewhat 10-13 countires on my own in the past years.

I found out that my mother feared alcohol and I told her that if she believes in the values she has brought me up with, she must feel confident about me. and Alhamdulillah it helped a lot!!!

So that was the travelling part.

But I have still issues like hanging out with friends. I work hard and once in a while I want to hang out with friends. But this can be a cause to discussions still. Especially because my best friend is still not really "approved" after 11 years' friendship cuz of family differences n stuff.
Back in uni I lied a lot (God forgive me!!!) I told my parents that I am working on assignments with my project group at uni or something like that, but I felt that I had to find a way out to hang out with my friends and I really have had good and fun times with my female friends and we havent even been close to anything wrong - besides lieing to our parents...

My parents neer had an issue with the late classes, or late project working hours. I came home 4.a.m for a week in my last week of thesis work (and yes that was real thesis work!) and my parent were surprisingly ok with that.

So with my parents, it has been ok to travel and stay out late when it came to study and work, but when it comes to friends and being social they would rather see me at home 24/7.

But believe me, it has been a long proces in which I have gained their confidence that I dont do anything wrong, no boys, no drugs, no alcohol - all pure n clean. So once they knew that I am strong in my values, they have given me more freedom.

Regarding your parents I think they are feeling self pitiness about how ur bro has "disappointed" them. So know they think that by being extra strict to you they can ensure that you will live up to their dreams etc.

I suggest that you talk to your mum about how women in PK live, how opressing that must feel like...then talk about the difference between nyc n lhr and how women live in usa..then talk about how a strong woman can survive anywhere as long as she is strong in her values..

you need to "win" their confidence and let them know that they can trust you and that ur defintion of freedom is not the same as ur bros....and that u love them and wud never hurt them

good luck dear:)

help
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Re: I deserve a youth

ahum Am I the only who will say that My parents never over-protected me/put curfews on or let me have my independance/time whenever I needed?

To be honest, my parents masha'allah NEVER told me what to do and what not to do may be b/c I knew the boudaries and limits that I was suppose to stay in. In high school I never felt the urge to go out late night and party with fren. In college unfortuanately NEVER got a chance....it was like home...school...work...home ... school...work! But still whenever I wanted to go somewhere I was allowed to without any restrictions.

Its not that my parents very liberal or something, its just they trust me with everything! They think I can handle myself better than anyone else. I was the first child in our family and father side relatives to be allowed to go out of the state by myself ALONE for the first time to study! I didn't have to beg for nor rebel. Alhamdullilah things came and still come easy my ways. My parents are very supposrtive in everything.

My point is, I am the oldest daughter in my family and everyone looks upto me. It is rather difficult responsibility on your shoulder. Eventhough there aren't any restricitions on you but yet the pressure that you need to be almost close to perfect is very PRESURIZING! There are things I want to do like stay out late night and have fun with frens but I do not do it thinking what kind a impression I might put on my brothers and sister.

So, sara its good in a way that your parents watch out for u a lot. As of this moment we don't realize but trust me later in life you will also be over protected of your child and I don't think there is anything wrong with it. Like katty said, get ur degree with good grades and then ull have less boundaries :p

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Re: I deserve a youth

Sara relax... After some time ur parents will be more than happy to grant you ur independence.