I am tensed!

Discussing it here because I am too much tensed.. although things are set.. but not a good feeling.

Something which I am going to discuss here is absolutely something minor.. but when few things keep on happening (because you have been ignoring it) it starts troubling and one day, you can’t tolerate it! I hope people who have gone through it.. will understand me!
(as my husband isn’t here with me) I have noticed from a couple of months.. that my in-laws have started teasing me for nothing! previously, whenever I asked my father in law to bring me something (anything that can be related to a veg or fruit for home, not for me), he used to tell me how much it was of while handing it over to me.. it was fine twice or thrice but it started happening for every single thing, from salt to yogurt, from a capsicum to tomatoes.. I was like ignoring it… then it started happening that when I used to ask him to bring me something, he was replying “O, ye to market me mil hi nahin rahi” I used to request him for weeks to bring me that particular fruit, medicine etc! (I don’t have a long list) apart from this, whenever his daughters were at home, EVERYTHING was available in the market, at ANY time! I still stayed quiet.. (Again will tell you, this is not the one time stories.. It started happening like hell)

Now something that happened today, and which I am tensed for!
I invited my family and married sisters at my home tomorrow.. A lot of frozen meat was already available at home and even it was given by my mom and my sister.. so I thought to use it.. problem was solved and NO big expense was left.. there was a very small list which included cream, yogurt, and two three things more.. I had a plan to cook kheer in meetha for tomorrow.. but then again when i was there at Tea, they started inquiring like if I was in a court.. why cream? dont add cream, you never used to add cream, we can eat plain kheer, you dont need to add cream!! blah blah! I controlled myself and kept smiling, reminded them that I have always used cream in kheer and that if you dont eat it I will pour out the kheer for you before I add cream, but they were like.. Uf… Ok I was like (ye itni choti baat kese ker saktay hain..jabke koi khaas kharcha ho hi nahin raha). I moved from there, but ofcourse my mood was off, my nands were there too.. i wanted to talk to them to make them realise that their parents are not doing right! but I couldn’t get time because pehle mairay aik nandoi aagaye, so I didnt want to discuss the personal matters infront of him baad main my second nandoi came.. so i couldnt talk to my nands.. meanwhile, my hubby phoned me and he realised there is something going wrong with me.. I was already tensed and told him.. (kitna bardasht karoon jo baar baar ho raha tha ye sab) he said, ok phone rakho, I am calling them, I said, NO, you dont need to, please dont, leave it, but he said, do as i am saying.. and there he phoned at home.. things went wrong.. my mom in law almost shouted on me infront of her damaads.. she was the one who initiated & then I told her too that they have been doing wrong with me! then my nand came from another room and shouted at me too… I won’t say I stayed quiet but I wanted to make her understand logically.. but only two people are logical at my home.. ME and my Husband! noone else understands the word Logic!!
well then, one of their cousins came suddenly and she saw this happening.. I said to my nand that, I will talk later and left the room but then you know, typical nand saas game started infront of her.. I was very hurt.. called my husband and told him, didnt I stop you of calling them.. my voice was almost shivering.. because seriously, i dont like fights and i keep myself away from this stuff and I am not typical too so I kept on ignoring it… but it was a limit.. limit of my tolerance!
later he called my nand and fought with her, made her realise her mistake and asked her to come to me and set things… she did it eventually.. things are set now too… but I am crying inside.. I never wanted this to happen, and specially happeing it infront of others!! I just want to be with my husband asap! He is the only one who understands me!

There are “thousand” things that I didn’t mention in the whole situation.. but I will keep on writing and you will be tired…of reading!! as I am tired.. of going through!!

Re: I am tensed!

also my nand raised the point that why I speak to my husband daily!!

(One thing more, MashAllah my husband's family is financially very (very) strong!! so there is nothing about the money prob)

Re: I am tensed!

Queen, I have two questions. Who pays for the groceries, your FIL or your husband, or do you have a job? Does your financial situation allow you to get a car and learn to drive?

Re: I am tensed!

your lucky husbands on ur side. BUT my husband at times usd to take my side and would argue with his mum but then can also cause a backlash later,

and next time try giving money to ur fil when u give the item u need. in fact, give extra. tell him to keep the change.

Re: I am tensed!

Um so like why didn't you just blog this?

Also...I think it's a bit naive to confront your nands about their parents' (your MIL and FIL) behavior.

Re: I am tensed!

lol.....queen ko ghar say bahir nikalwana hai kya?

Re: I am tensed!

May be they are financially very strong bcoz they save every penny.

Re: I am tensed!

hum tu dobey haiN sanam, tum ko bhi ley dobeiN gey

Re: I am tensed!

Why didn't you just go out and buy those things yourself?

Re: I am tensed!

Sorry to hear about this.

Where is your husband? I mean, do you live alone with your inlaws?

Re: I am tensed!

I have a Jeth too, so he, my husband gives a certain amount to him to run the home, (which is a handsome amount too) I went through the same situation 3 months back too and my husband talked to them and started sending more after that and told them that please take care of my wife.. i can send you as much money as you want but she should never have a complain of it! they took care for a week or two and started the same! I know driving but my FIL doesnt allow me to drive, infact he is very possessive about his car! I dont want to buy a car either, i know, even if I buy it for me, they will create fuss! anything can be expected from them now!

I used to but then my hubby stopped me and asked my FIL to pay for the petty expenses, sending him more money! Still I manage my expenses myself, which are not minor!

Re: I am tensed!

how many times?? this kitchen stuff specially veg/ fruit is required on daily basis, I cant manage to bring this stuff at my own, Everytime!

yes I live alone with my inlaws, and you can't imagine how helping I am to them.. I don't stay long at my mom's place only because I know that my MIL cant manage the chores alone.. so I live with them.
My hubby is in UK.

Re: I am tensed!

Will you be going to Uk anytime soon? Btw, your jethani, where is she?

if yes; then just tolerate them for a lil more time

if no; then ask your hubby to send you a share of money directly. So that you've enough to take care of your basic needs like medicine etc. Another thing you can do is give the grocery list to your MIL and let her hand it over to FIL. Explain her how these things are needed for the salan etc. Buy your own fruit/whatever you live once a week if they trouble you.

Re: I am tensed!

Since the problem isn't being solved by the husband giving more and more money, ask him to give you a certain amount that both of you find acceptable as your "pocket money" or "kharch". So the little things that you do need, you can pay for it by yourself. If this continues you need to speak to your husband and NO ONE else and let him know that you don' t like the daily squabbling over petty things and if you guys can afford to, get a car even if its a basic, small, second hand car. If you eleminate these wo factors which are the reason that your in laws bother you about, then maybe things can be easier. Also how long before you are united with your husband?

Re: I am tensed!

DITTO! Queen you arn't the only one that eats at the house. So don't feel embrassed to hand them a grocery list afterall the food you make is for EVERYONE.

Re: I am tensed!

I only hope, I am not sure, how soon will I leave.
my jethani lives in the same house.. she is one of those typical too and rest, she is here on watta satta.. so my MIL or FIL can't pick such minor things infront of her.. they know it can effect their daughter!
about handing over the list to my MIL...
LOL.... infact LOVL and v stands for VERY!
My MIL is the green card to my FIL.. she has controlled him like, even if he wants to eat a boiled egg.. he sees her and say BOIL EGG KHAALOON, then she is the one who tells him to eat it or not!! infact, what all my FIL said or says.. its my MIL at back who fills him!!

Re: I am tensed!

May I tell you one thing... the only solution to this everyday blah blah is to fly to my husband asap.. anything besides this, (& anything that I do)... they have a problem with that!

whoever reading this, please pray for me that I fly to my hubby soon. Amen!

Re: I am tensed!

^another reason why the list should be handed over to MIL herself.

Re: I am tensed!

Dont worry about whether she controls her husband or not, just hand her the list and let her take care of the grocery buisness.

Re: I am tensed!

leaving on them what to cook? eating on their choice.. they can eat different pulses for a whole week!!