So I have a bit of a problem here. The guy I really care abt and possibly love and who btw also claims to love me and wants to marry me and etc. recently tells me I’m not that pretty. Okay so all my life i’ve been used to hearing ‘youre so pretty youre so cute’ (im not bragging at all), and so to hear this I’m like wat..the..fck. Especially from someone who “loves” you.
I mean I’m no aishwariya but I think he’s gorgeous bc of how much he means to me, his personality…etc. And hes like…well you’re hot…but I didnt pick you bc ur the prettiest girl…i mean nothing stands out abt you (?!?). I mean no matter how I look I should always be beautiful to him, right because he looooves me so much and looooves my personality soo much? Am I being a brat here? I mean everyones entitled to his/her own opinion I’m all down for that but I want my spouse to think I’m beautiful. So i told him I deserve better and now he thinks I was playing with his mind and hes hurt.
Lol right so i’ve always been a confident girl mA and I refuse to let him waiver that, but I’m wondering if that has anything to do with his emotions? Like I’m really confused…I dunno how to interpret his comments. He told me to get over myself. Am I being unreasonable here? Or should I drop it like its hot?
Honestly I was shocked when he said that to me like I didn't know what to say. I just don't know if this normal behavior for a man who's in love. I seriously am thinking abt dropping it I just dont know if im doing the right thing...
You should be admiring his love for you instead of fretting about his comments about your beauty. If he says that you are not the prettiest girl in the world and still loves you and cares about then it is more admirable. If he had told you that since you are not pretty is he going to look for the prettiest girl in the world to get married to then it would be a thing of concern and something to fret about. No ?
But there are men who think i'm gorgeous so why not go for them?!? I didn't find him that attractive at first either but that changed. It obviously did not change for him. No one has ever said that to me b4, like ever
I think everyone in a relationship wants to hear nice things from their partner. Obviously, you're not gonna go ask a neighbor to tell you whether he thinks you're hot on a daily basis. I find it rude on his part to tell you that. Who else would compliment you if not him? If your own hubby/wife is gonna tell you they don't find you to be so pretty, what self esteem would that spouse be left with? This is when insecurities such as 'omg what if he gets attracted to some other girl' comes in. I have seen a couple of friends go through the same issues kicking in jealousy and possessiveness.
My situation is that my hubby to be is quite good looking and 2 years ago when he finished his hifz, he grew out a beard. Even though he looked better prior to the beard, I think his face has a noor with it now. However, on and off, a couple of people have made weird comments about him, basically saying I look better than him, etc etc. One 'close friend' even keeps telling me to have him take his beard off because it doesn't suit him, he looks older than 23, etc etc. Now if he was doing it to 'enhance' his beauty then okay there's a point for me to tell him that but he's doing it for religion and I support that. I hate when people don't get it and bother me. I don't have a problem with it, I find him goodlooking regardless of his looks. in my honest opinion, do I think he looks better without a beard? Yes. But to me, it does not matter and I wouldn't tell him, you're not that goodlooking anymore or you're just average.. oh by the way, I love you so much- it's rude and unfair.
haha poor guy needs to learn some white-lies.. for example..
do i look fat? no..
am i pretty? yes...
is that girl pretty? no..
does this dress look good on me? yes...
etc etc..
And it is important that he does not hesitate in answering these questions... it should be instant reply.. even if he is not paying attention to what you are saying..
well i think he was just being brutally honest. face it , there's always going to be someone who's better looking, fitter, smarter, richer etc. u just gotta be happy with yourself, which you sound like you are. besides, beauty isnt the only thing that keeps a relationship going, instead of taking it as an insult, i'd take it that something abt my character/personality stands out that took someone to notice that first instead of my face/figure.
^that's true and it's great that he loves her for her personality instead of looks but can you really spend your life listening to your husband tell you, 'you're not even pretty.' every woman needs assurance once in a while, no matter how confident you are about your looks, insecurity always tends to kick in especially if you hear such things from your spouse.
I think everyone in a relationship wants to hear nice things from their partner. Obviously, you're not gonna go ask a neighbor to tell you whether he thinks you're hot on a daily basis. I find it rude on his part to tell you that. Who else would compliment you if not him? If your own hubby/wife is gonna tell you they don't find you to be so pretty, what self esteem would that spouse be left with? This is when insecurities such as 'omg what if he gets attracted to some other girl' comes in. I have seen a couple of friends go through the same issues kicking in jealousy and possessiveness.
My situation is that my hubby to be is quite good looking and 2 years ago when he finished his hifz, he grew out a beard. Even though he looked better prior to the beard, I think his face has a noor with it now. However, on and off, a couple of people have made weird comments about him, basically saying I look better than him, etc etc. One 'close friend' even keeps telling me to have him take his beard off because it doesn't suit him, he looks older than 23, etc etc. Now if he was doing it to 'enhance' his beauty then okay there's a point for me to tell him that but he's doing it for religion and I support that. I hate when people don't get it and bother me. I don't have a problem with it, I find him goodlooking regardless of his looks. in my honest opinion, do I think he looks better without a beard? Yes. But to me, it does not matter and I wouldn't tell him, you're not that goodlooking anymore or you're just average.. oh by the way, I love you so much- it's rude and unfair.
I know!! At least someone knows where im comin from. I don't wanna be that insecure woman either, I haven't been like that my whole life mA so why should I start now? How can you be attracted and love someone if you don't think everything about them is beautiful? It's beyond me
But there are men who think i'm gorgeous so why not go for them?!? I didn't find him that attractive at first either but that changed. It obviously did not change for him. No one has ever said that to me b4, like ever
Yes they might have said that , but they did not find that special thing in you which will make them fall for you. Even if they found something special about you in addition to your beauty but you did not find them attractive enough to build a relationship with any of them which will lead to spend you entire life with one of them.
This person found that special thing in you and fell for you.
On the other hand you might have seen many gorgeous man but you found something special in this not so handsome man and fell for it , right ?
Since you too have found each other and know you want to spend your life together then build on it and get married as soon as you can and pray to Allah for success of your marriage and a long happy healthy married life.
Yea..i was like how can I be with you if you don't find me attractive? His reply: obviously I find you attractive. Then he proceeds to say how nothing stands out abt me...I am just confused as hell. Like REALLY? Absolutely nothing stands out abt me? Thats just absurd
wow shay your fiance is hafiz mashallah thats amazing!
this post made me think of the song from cindarella "do you love me because im beautiful or am i beautiful because you love me." i think that when you love someone that person should be beautiful in your eyes and in your heart. i would be SO hurt and shocked if my hubby told me that he doesnt find me beautiful! yes its great that he values your personality and character over your looks, whats inside is much more important than whats outside, but i still find it insensitive to tell someone something so bluntly like this. just be open about it with him, explain to him why it hurt your feelings. sometimes guys dont understand how girls think! maybe he thought he was showing you that he is not shallow, that he didnt fall in over with you just because you are a pretty face but because he values you as a person etc. so explain to him and see maybe he will understand why he shouldnt say things like that!
Okay let him be honest then what? Why should I settle for this when I KNOW there are men out there who think otherwise? I like it when people compliment me, I'm sorry, maybe I'm shallow. If an aira ghaira can compliment then why cant he? He never compliments me..which is okay. But this is too much
So I have a bit of a problem here. The guy I really care abt and possibly love and who btw also claims to love me and wants to marry me and etc. recently tells me I'm not that pretty. Okay so all my life i've been used to hearing 'youre so pretty youre so cute' (im not bragging at all), and so to hear this I'm like wat..the..fck. Especially from someone who "loves" you.
I mean I'm no aishwariya but I think he's gorgeous bc of how much he means to me, his personality...etc. And hes like...well you're hot...but I didnt pick you bc ur the prettiest girl...i mean nothing stands out abt you (?!?). I mean no matter how I look I should always be beautiful to him, right because he looooves me so much and looooves my personality soo much? Am I being a brat here? I mean everyones entitled to his/her own opinion I'm all down for that but I want my spouse to think I'm beautiful. So i told him I deserve better and now he thinks I was playing with his mind and hes hurt.
Lol right so i've always been a confident girl mA and I refuse to let him waiver that, but I'm wondering if that has anything to do with his emotions? Like I'm really confused...I dunno how to interpret his comments. He told me to get over myself. Am I being unreasonable here? Or should I drop it like its hot?
Are you self-centered and too high on yourself that he told you to 'get over yourself'?. Are you sure you are not pushing him to say this?
^ well yes, of course its getting hurt! why wouldn't it?
thats a pretty mean comment to make, especially coming from someone who wants to marry you. being honest is one thing, but to the point of hurting someone's feelings and throwing them into this self-doubt is ridiculous. its not like he doesn't know her well enough to know exactly how she'd respond to his comments.
if my husband had said, well i don't really think you're that pretty, i'd ask him why he was with me. yes, we'd all love to think its solely about feelings and emotions and intelligence, etc. and it is those things too, but if you love someone and you look at them, you definitely don't think, "hrm... don't have pick of the bunch here, lookswise".
biologically, we're all tuned into choosing mates that we can breed with and physical features do form a part of that attraction.
for him to say that to her sounds really weird, frankly... is he trying to test you to see what he can get away with? if you'll still marry him after? is he trying to tell you to shove off but doesn't have the guts to specify that? is he just stupid and thinks its actually a good thing to be this honest? whatever the reason, his comment was mean and uncalled for. how would he feel if she told him she loved him but really, he isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer?
^that's true and it's great that he loves her for her personality instead of looks but can you really spend your life listening to your husband tell you, 'you're not even pretty.' every woman needs assurance once in a while, no matter how confident you are about your looks, insecurity always tends to kick in especially if you hear such things from your spouse.
You have raised a very good point. May be this guy should have been a little diplomatic about making such a comment. But a relationship which has taken some time to get built should be broken based on a foolish comment ? I am sure that this person made a foolish comment but he is not a bad person and a complete idiot to break the relationship with. Aminah can be the better judge of this. You I and others are just trying to help her make an informed decision abou this relationship.
discuss it with him- don't let it slide. open communication is a HUGE part of any relationship... having said that, it doesn't mean the two people in the relationship don't have to use tact and show care and concern for each other.