I have been lacking on the prayer and dhikr to be honest. I do need to star again.
looking at him objectively is somethig i do, but not the entire time. I am still in shock this is even happening.
i will be moving out soon, i?ve already started packing and it not easy at all
I hope you go crazy enough to re-arrange his face for a new-him. Even if you can’t do that. fikar not It is not the end of the world (it may feels like the end now).
Meri paRosan bhi din raat roti thein. jeena haram kar rakha tha.
or abb itni khush hai keh 6 bachon ke shor se sub tang hein.
Inshallah aap bhi khush raho gi … or log aap ki khushi ki tedad daikh kar sir pakaR layte honge.
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He didnt move out of the house we used to share. Im the one who has to move out, back to my parents 
according to him, we were destined for this, so yes redvelvet, at least it isnt much later in life
To touch on a few points… his family is totally supporting him, in fact his mother wants him to remarry asap (not sure how true this is)
i, on the hand will not have my parents support on this divorce. And my responsibilities will actually multiply as my parents are sick and old, and my mom is 100% dependant on others taking care of her. So not really much freedom going on per say.
i cant come and go as i please etc because my dad is the equivalent on 100 strict fathers put into one, even in my 30s, he will treat me like im 2, back to dont do this dont go there etc etc, treated like i dont know anything (literally) just due to the simple fact that i am the ?child? and he is the father. This is all coming from past experiences btw, so no im not exaggerating and im not anticipating something incorrect. In some ways, history will be repeating itself. He is of the mentality, agar marna hai tho sasural mein jaake maro, mere ghar mein nahin.
And i dont have the option of living separately from them either, cuz again, they are old and sick and will emotionally blackmail me, and plus, my finances wont allow me to either cuz i will need to support them when needed - i dont have any siblings so its all on me
may Allah grant you ease and peace ameen
i know hard time but will be passed like happiness never always goes with you so the hard time is and all i want to say is be strong and spend good time with your parents, for i always see a LIFE in my parents Al-ḥamdu lillāh الحَمْد لله
Duas for you! In ?āʾ Allāh (إن شاء الله,) you will get through all these difficulties soon ameen
@akaprincess how are things going? I hope your spirits have lifted and lightened. I haven’t had a chance to read posts and catch up. Truly hope you’re in a better place
hi @PunjaBee .. thank you:flowers: for checking up on me.
In some ways, I am better.. I have to keep remembering to not dwell on it and let it be, move on with my life etc etc.. and for the most part, I am there (mainly because hes getting married again) but I definitely have my moments where I am back at square one and want to quit life 
so… it really depends on the day.. my ultimate fear is being alone, as I am very relationship/home oriented in some ways, and I genuinely feel I may have to suck it up and accept that as my fate ? but anyway.. like I said, Im trying ..
I work full time, so theres that.. I have signed up for a gym membership so I can lose some 30ish pound and be skinny … I go out as much as I can with friends.. fixing \up my place/\remodeling my home.. so I have activities to keep my busy and looking forward to things .. Ramadhan (and Eid) will be tough as I will be alone
but then.. when Im alone, I start thinking and start hating .. everything 
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Maybe he hasn’t changed, he got exhausted and just could no longer keep the mask on and pretend to be a nice guy? I believe he is a covert narcissist, do have a look on google and you will find that it’s not you, it’s him.
When you’ll realize he has been a covert narcissist during your marriage and has no remorse and moved on to the next so soon, you will accept that for him the marriage was over a long time ago he was just wasting your time and waiting for the “right” time to divorce you because he is a coward. Who knows had you not prayed to Allah to save your marriage, you might have still been stuck in this marriage. You are left to deal with the anxiety about a future without him and dealing with trauma, while he can move on so easily in this hypocrite asian culture who looks down on divorced women only. I know it seems impossible and unfair but Allah is watching the injustice done to you. Divine justice is best insha Allah.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to love a man, but pray that Allah gives you someone who is worthy of your love, knows and can feel what love is like, and returns your genuine love… which your narcissistic ex is not capable of.
Punishing yourself by wondering whether you could have done things differently is doing injustice to yourself, he is not doing it to himself because he had no intention of keeping this marriage so why should you torture yourself for something that was going to end anyway sooner or later.
I suggest read up on cognitive dissonance, covert narcissism and get therapy to deal with the trauma he has caused you, not just the trauma caused by the sudden divorce but also by the way he has treated you as his wife. And while you’re at it, the trauma caused by your parents and your upbringing. That’s probably also why it’s so hard to believe that this could have happened to you of all people.
I’m sure you felt confused by his sometimes “nice” behaviours and other time his genuine (i.e. cruel) behaviours during the marriage, but blaming yourself for not doing more to save this marriage means you are suffering twice. For putting the blame on you and by suffering due to divorce consequences and “losing” him which I get because the divorce was against your wishes.
Aka, you said you are relationship oriented. Its a great opportunity for you to create / strengthen your relationship will God. I know it’s easier said than done but until you find a God fearing, good human being for yourself, focus on strengthening your relationship with God. Once you put all your trust in Him & firmly believe that praying to Him actually gave you freedom from the torture, He will take care of your matters further in future too. He does not want you hurt so protected you. Work on your relationship with God when you are alone. Do not allow any time to misery. Satan = misery. Do not allow Satan any place in your space.
hi princess, how was your Ramadan? Were you able to make the most of it and immerse yourself in prayer, dua and dhikr. Did your relationship with Allah get stronger? I spent this Ramadan being lonely myself. Told myself that when and if I do get married I will no longer have the ample amount of time to return my focus to Allah and work towards His pleasure, mercy and forgiveness. Mothers with kids told me to cherish this time because when we have more people in our lives we take more time away from Allah and spend it on dunya and the needs of others; although, that in itself can be a form of worship with the right intention, its just not the same as completely pulling away and turning solely to Allah for qiyam ul-layl, or Quran recital/pondering…etc. Now that Ramadan is over and shaitan is out I feel the post-Ramadan blues. All my siblings are married and moved on and I’m still single. They’ve got exciting things going on in their lives, and go on dates and dinners, and I often wonder when I’ll meet the right person for me, so I can enjoy the same. I feel what you mean when you say you’re lonely, even with the daily hustle and bustle.
How about you go to Muslim meets in your area? Or the Eid parties that every Masjid community is throwing? I don’t know where you live exactly, I’m assuming you have plenty of Muslims around you. I apologize if I’m incorrect.
I don’t think you’ll be lonely forever. I’ve gotta tell myself I won’t be lonely forever either, lol. Sometimes I get t the same murky swampy feelings as you. But, let’s be positive. I see you wrote you’re joining the gym or have joined. That’s fantastic! You’re on the right path to a healthier lifestyle. I, myself also have to shred some weight. I didn’t join the gym. I’m going to give a hand at the 7 minute HIIT workout going around.
Try not to keep tabs on him. Its only going to pour salt on the wound. He doesn’t sit around thinking about you, so don’t waste your precious time and energy on him.
Take this time as a single woman and ask yourself what you want from life. When it comes to what you are looking for in a husband, think about the kind of standards and boundaries you wanna have when you will accept someone as your partner in life. But also, you should see that the kind of guy/in laws you’ll choose will also decide whether or not your future kids will be (emotionally/mentally) damaged.
Imagine i you had kids with your ex, think about the kind of toxic environment your kids would have had to grow up in.
It may be too early to start looking for a partner again. I would just wait a while and definitely avoid these dating apps. A vacay might just be the thing you need to sort out your head.
Hello aka princess! Read your post and thought of writing few lines. We all… literally ALL go through some sort of issues in our lives. Be it issues in getting married to issues after getting married or having to quit a marriage to health issues to financial issues etc etc etc. No one is perfectly happy in this transient world. Me still being single in my mid 30s is heart breaking for myself and my parents but life is like this. What could be done? I look good,am educated, have a good job but all rishtas I could get were like how much u earn? This house is owned or rented? Like i could tell from their faces when they talked abt the marriage … being solely interested in the financial benefit for the guy and his family. Sigh… I decided not to get married to such low thinking people wanting to dwell on the potential wife’s fortune. Hence here I am still waiting for that soul mate of mine who has probably lost his way lol. I am still hopeful, I still pray to God.
God will bless u too. Tc
Aaameen
Akaprincess, frankly i don’t believe a guy just decided to walk away from you. No-one just walks out of marriage like that. In my case, my boyfriend’s ex-wife was abusive. I am not saying you’re but there has to be something that he had decided to walk away from you.
There is always two sides of the story. Apologize in advance if you didn’t like what i said. I wish you all the best.