Deela
October 22, 2009, 3:01pm
38
You get a girl and her family to consent to marriage by giving them A GOOD IMPRESSION. (even if it’s a false one).
^ And some people are good actors. They can manage displaying a false but positive facade for the next few months or until the wedding is over. THEN…the claws come out.
And it’s not like the girl and her family SEE the guy and his family on a daily or frequent basis. They meet not see each other enough times to form a strong enough negative opinion.
You learn about a person’s true character when he/she is in their natural setting. Hard to explain. But once you start living with someone in their house…in their family (which is a natural setting that most people are comfortable in)…you learn about the person’s habits and how they deal with conflicts. In a natural/comfortable setting…it’s like you let go of your inhibitions…and your true colors come out easily. THAT SAID…when the girl and her parents go to meet the guy…well MOST PEOPLE can put on the facade of the smiling/welcome host for a few hours.
And as for those girls who DO see the red flags…sometimes their insecure parents are too weak to call of the engagement or near wedding because of the classic fear, “LOG KYA KAHAIN GAY?” Or some parents think that character/compatibility are not so important as long as the guy is rich. They ignore their daughter/son’s opinions and tell their kids, “Don’t worry beta. After marriage…LOVE NATURALLY DEVELOPS between the couple.” They say this with such nonchalant confidence about something as complex as marriage which doesn’t come with guarantee. Let’s not forget emotional black mail…rona dhona…“OOOOOH…I’m having chest pains, etc etc.”
In the end, according to Islamic law, the marriage ain’t valid unless it has the consent of the bride and groom. And while this sounds soooooo easy and simple…and more power to those people who can stand their ground…it’s not always easy to not be guilted/manipulated by family pressure/drama.
Read carefully women before you go on a moral rampage.
Islam tells us to fully investigate the proposal before making decisions.
Most people - parents or girl - dont do it. They immaturly lash on a few (seemingly) good impressions, proudly ignoring others cautious opinions, and say yes putting thier lives at stake.
When it is matters of life, people who act immaturly only to taste the reality later are fools only themselves to blame.
The whole world is a facade. Thats no excuse babes.
I have stopped feeling pity for these kind of people .