Why do women actually get married to the same guy after all the signs that the guy and his family are ****ed up are so damn evident?
My heart goes out to the few ladies who have recently posted their threads about marriage life sucking ass and that their in laws are really and truly ****ed up. But during the wedding process do alarm bells not go off in your ing head that this bull is not just ****ing worth it?
Re: I am confuddled
I actually agree with you
why do the alarms go off directly, ummm 2-3 months afterwards.. or is it weeks
Re: I am confuddled
This often happens, but not always, when planning the wedding and its every intricate detail down to the colour of the napkins on the post-shadi and pre-valima events become more important than actually discussing responsibilities, compatibility issues and other such trivial and unimportant aspects of marriage.
Re: I am confuddled
^ but what about those mangnis that break 4-5 times before getting to the nikkah stage? do parents not feel obligated to step in and do something? Or is it the whole "laug kya kahein gein" fear that sets in?
For goodness sakes
Re: I am confuddled
It's probably the fear that "This might be my only chance".
Look, I'm no different. I just got done wasting 2 months of my precious life on some punk who has some SERIOUS issues. I had probably 100 bells going off, and I would have certainly married the guy. For sure. Why? I have no other options, and he said he'd be okay with sitting at home while I work, and so I figured I at least would not need to pay a nanny, or deal with oppositions to my work, as I have friggin' 6 grand to pay back to the government in loans.
Sometimes, you just get desperate, or your heart makes you believe...no, we'll make it work. Or you look at your parents and figure, well what if they gave up early? I wouldn't be here.
I would have been saying the same thing you're saying, but now that I've been nicked pretty close by what could have been a sheer nightmare, I can say with some more experience, that its easier said than done.
Re: I am confuddled
I guess so.... I am not saying i havent been in silly situations myself, but in some cases, I had my parents help to stop crap from happening... I dunno
but PCG, seriously, 6 grand isnt that much in terms of student loans.. i know people who are in 20k mark.. seriously. Inshallah it'll get paid off
Re: I am confuddled
Six grand in memon speak is about the same as the United Kingdom's annual defense budget.
Re: I am confuddled
20 what?
What kind of education got them into 20K?? As in 20,000,000? Dollars?
Oh wait. You mean 20,000?
Erm.
I’m talking 250,000 ? Uh YEAH.
Any takers, boys? I’ll be all the sit-at-home mommie you want me to be, if you just pay THAT off? 
Re: I am confuddled
lol.... u said 6 grand.. so thats what i figured... $6k..
20k a year... times that by 4.. comes down to about 80k more or less... and thats the lower end of the spectrum. But im talking about international students
aussie citizens have way better benefits though
Re: I am confuddled
oh yeah...haha i meant 6 figures. not 6 grand.
Re: I am confuddled
wow pcg… thats too much yaar. In that case why would you marry a man who will sit at home and u do work and u pay ur loans? You should look for someone who is smart n earning and stable financially. Yaar kaisee pagal ho tum 
Re: I am confuddled
Yes there are guys like that. A pakistani friend of mine is paying of his wife's education debt as well as his own.
As for me personally if I am marrying the lass, her debt is mine to pay off. So doesn't matter how much it is, once you are married you share responsibilities and burdens togethr.
Re: I am confuddled
^ exactly and i wish that men and women understand this very simple point.
I am all ready to help out my hubby in paying off his debt if there re any. I mean what does a life partner means??? You are eqaul partners in dukh and sukh. How shameful it would be if wife has debt and you as hubby refuse to give her hand and vice versa.
I think the older one gets the more difficult it gets, so your choice is limited to start with, and then when one comes along you think this might be my only chance.
Bells did ring for me, even to the extent that i handed my engagement ring back 6 days before the wedding, again the pressure of seeing my parents so upset, will this opportunity come knocking on my door again? and so on....
having said that all the warnings that i chose to ignore came to bite me in the end, however it was do i work through this (after all it was my choice, not my parents) or give up? i chose to work it through, its been tough but worth it, and it never just gets "right" its just continous compromise and acceptance.
No regrets though
So that I can work and pay off the loans…
I’m the one that decided to take out the loans, so I gotta pay them. Why subject someone else to that?
Re: I am confuddled
Coming back to orginal topic :
Clothes and pcg are right when say that we mostly fall for proposals thinking that it might be the last chance. But what i have seen and experienced is what is meant to happen , will happen. No matter how hard you struggle to stop it from happening or how much you try for it to happen. Some things r just in your fate. Keep your faith strong on whatever happens, happens for something good and be happy with whatever you get :)
2 times in my life happened to me that i thought okay now this is the guy chosen for me. One was someone i liked, but we could never marry for X Y Z reasons. And 2nd time when i didnt like the guy at all but due to family pressure i had almost accepted the proposal. But Allah plans were different so the guy made an excuse that he is going abroad and wouldnt afford to marry at this stage. I was so happy hehehe.
So that I can work and pay off the loans...
I'm the one that decided to take out the loans, so I gotta pay them. Why subject someone else to that?
That someone would be your other half. Tell me if a person cannot help you in sharing ur burden, do you think he loves you even? If he doesnt love you, how will he value you?
As far as working is concerned, if you are good manager, u can manage ur work n family both. You will find a lot of men out there who ll very happily accept a working wife.
Re: I am confuddled
brown guys who want their dinner at 8 pm? Aur woh bhi, mac n cheese nahi chalayga. They want a full biryani freshly made, and chicken tikkay and parathas.
I need to find me a memon boy who is happy with daal chawal.
Re: I am confuddled
^ lol not all brown guys are like that. but believe me if you are in love with that someone , you ll do all above happily :)