I don’t know what’s more distressing for most men – a relationship with no hymen or a relationship with no truth.
Doesn't it say in our religion, if u commit a sin (any sin) and you sincerely repent for it, in that you never do it again and change your ways, then you should keep quiet about it?
The problem is people these days have become very creative with the way they follow religion. A person who doesn’t live his life in accordance with the religious teachings would suddenly become religious when it suits him. And once his purpose has been served he’d go back to his old ways. Well one might argue that he followed the religious teachings on at least one occasion. But I think it’s a little hypocritical of us Muslims to employ our religion only when it suits us. There can be exceptions though.
I don’t know what’s more distressing for most men – a relationship with no hymen or a relationship with no truth.
Of course the one with outright lie and deception. Anyone who thinks a hymen is what makes a relationship successful....well only God can help them. :)
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The problem is people these days have become very creative with the way they follow religion. A person who doesn’t live his life in accordance with the religious teachings would suddenly become religious when it suits him. And once his purpose has been served he’d go back to his old ways. Well one might argue that he followed the religious teachings on at least one occasion. But I think it’s a little hypocritical of us Muslims to employ our religion only when it suits us. There can be exceptions though.
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That's not what I'm saying---i knew someone would come and say that.
Its not hypocrisy if it's done with a sincere intent AND actions that follow it. The whole point of redemption is that you stay away from that sin and not do it. If a person who decides to change their ways, but still cmmits other sins, does that make a hypocrite?
You’re right. But I fear that some people might think that they can PLAN repentance. Repentance is not something I can plan to do five years from now or on the day I get married. Also, I’m not sure if we can equate lack of opportunity with repentance.
Your question is a tricky one. It's hard to say without knowing what other sins he is committing now.
X2- Honesty ina rel'p is very important to me, and I for one wouldnt hide such things. But I also dont find it necessary to go into a relationship and just announce the status of my chastity... its just plain weird.. and I think its really unnecessary for the person to know. If I found out by communicating with the person that a popped hymen would be an issue with him, then i would simply tell him... hey you know this might not work. And as you said dont marry such men... I wouldnt.. no way no how. I was just making an inference about the poster just like everyone else.... she's obviously dealing with a narrowminded dude... rishta process in pk is very difficult and its hard to come across any takers.... so you cant exactly be picky either.
I still think what he doesnt know cant hurt him. Lying about something as trivial as a hymen isnt soooo bad compared to other stuff.. but I guess I see your point.
Ok so maybe she is lying, but it could be that at one point in her life she made a mistake and has repented for it, and wants to be able to get married and not have her reputation maligned by her husband in case he's one of those really strict "my wife must be a virgin otherwise she's out" kinda guys. Maybe she's just not comfortable telling her true reason for needing such a procedure. I guess we shouldnt let our imaginiation run too wild and just answer her question about the doctor. Rest is between her and her God.
Guys can easily scoff at such a thing because they can do all the sh*t they want in the wrold and not have to worry about such things, but for girls, especially in pk, its not that easy. I was skeptical about this whole thread at first too, but whatever its not our business and if we can help her, we should.
Ufff, it's going to be hard to get used to this older wiser Riya!
Ok so maybe she is lying, but it could be that at one point in her life she made a mistake and has repented for it, and wants to be able to get married and not have her reputation maligned by her husband in case he's one of those really strict "my wife must be a virgin otherwise she's out" kinda guys. Maybe she's just not comfortable telling her true reason for needing such a procedure. I guess we shouldnt let our imaginiation run too wild and just answer her question about the doctor. Rest is between her and her God.
Why its just between her and her God?
Its also between her and her lifepartner. May be he would like to know.
guy
1-nikkah to this hijabi girl for 2-3 years, I respected her like my real bhabi.
one day guy called me crying that it was over.
Girl openly said it on my friends face that she was doing "stuff" with other boy, over and over.
2-Married to to this girl who later filed for divorce, in court room she described her "S "life with my friend.
All nasty stuff, almost send my friend to jail just because he wanted to work things out with her.
Both your frendz are suckers, the first one, he shud've been happy that her got rid of the slut, instead he is cry baby. And same about the other, why he wanted to work things over when she doesn't want to.
BUT WHY?? What the hell does that accomplish? Isnt there more to life than broken hymens?!
My point was that if the girl repented (i was giving benefit of the doubt iffffffff she even did engage in phys. activity which we DONT KNOW... then there's no reason to bring it up. Why would you do such a thing? If you're no longer doing something that was wrong... why bring it up and ruin a perfectly fine relationship?
Hm, what if she has 'extracted stuff' from sleeping around with someone else and that gets passed onto her hubby? (this is by the way ONLY if she HAS a broken hymen for the above reason). THAT is the reason I feel that if you have slept with anyone, you should tell your life partner because god forbid, if you're passing on something life threatening to him or her, you're just ruining their lives as well as yours. Your spouse then has every right to decide whether he or she wants to be with you or not. Noone's lies or 'fixed' hymens or oh i am gonna keep this to myself because it's between me and Allah is worth someone else's life. How would you feel if you woke up one day to find out you have STD's or something much more life threatening? People just don't realize that there's alot more than just sleeping around, realizing your mistake, repenting and just keeping it to yourself.
I agree with telling someone you have an STD God forbid. But I dont think anyone owes anyone else an explanation for why they arent a virgin. Its just plain wrong.
It's not like you can find out right away whether you have aids or not.. sometimes it may take a long time for you to be diagnosed with it. It's about being honest for what you have done because like I said, stds/aids are no joke- you're putting someone else at risk just for the sake of your own 'honesty'.
^ right! but i personally feel that it is not all about the health risks involved.
A decent, God fearing man DESERVES an equally decent, God fearing spouse, and vise versa (exceptions for divorced & widows). Period.
If a man/ women has lead a life of parheiz-gaari then they have the right to expect the same from a prespective spouse.
As for those men/women who are ok with marrying someone with a not-so-decent past, then that is there choise... but to those who value such things, i consider it cheating if such details are hidden, its just not fair!
so you see…one doesnt HAVE to reveal whether or not they have commited adultry in the past if they have genuinely repented for it. So in light of this, Islamically it is “fair”.
