Husbands who taunt wife about her family

Lifestyle Relationships
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I personally know lots of men who taunt their wife for her family. Your parents did this, your brothers behaved this way, your sister acted that way blah blah stuff. Its a continuous cycle but since women are stuck in the loop they cant do much about it. Resistance results in big chaos & taunting on their family is an even bigger mess resulting in further in laws problems.

I myself am in such a problem where i get to hear on and off. I just hate it and my husband knows about it. I claridy sometimes, i resist at others and o fight sometimes but its still not the solution. I dont have a brought up which is tit for tat sort, even if i dont like something in his family i dont taunt and cant brinf myself to do it either.

What should i do??

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Re: Husbands who taunt wife about her family

Respectfully tell him to mind his own business and that what your family may or may not have done is not for him to judge or comment on. Kindly remind him that no one is perfect and everyone (yes, EVERYONE) has faults of their own that others may find irritating. After that, be the more mature person and simply ignore his comments.

I think you're quite right to refrain from taunting him about his family. I don't think we should ever resort to making negative or derisive comments about another person's family just because that person made negative comments about our own family. To do so would be not only be immature, but also lowering oneself to their level.

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Re: Husbands who taunt wife about her family

Keep your family separate and away from him. Don't discuss them with him, don't let him have any intimate knowledge of their comings and goings. Go see them alone and don't have them come over.

If you take away any access your husband has to your family, and completely ignore his taunts (don't react or flinch at all!) then pretty soon, his hot air balloon will deflate and he won't have anything left to pick on. If he continues to harp on them and taunt you, he'll only look like a bigger fool. You have to beat him at his own game.

And whatever you do, don't stoop to his level and attack his family!

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Re: Husbands who taunt wife about her family

Punjabi Joke:

A farmer was watching a fellow farmer plough his farm. After a while they had a little conversation.
Farmer 1 (the bystander) to Farmer 2, casually: your ploughshare isn’t running straight and you’re messing things up.
Farmer 2 to Farmer 1, tauntingly: what are you talking about? Your sister eloped with the Chaudhry’s son.
Farmer 1, bewildered: What does that have to do with anything?
Farmer 2, essay taraaN hi gallan tu gal nikaldi ae

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Re: Husbands who taunt wife about her family

ask him if he wants to eat his least fav dishes for the next week. or if the couch is wide enough for his butt to sleep on. something. surely you have some leverage in this marriage yes?

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Re: Husbands who taunt wife about her family

Ignore it, if you say something about his family, your just adding gas to the flame. Look, say he says your sister is a whore, does that mean she is a whore? NO, his words dont have any effect on anything, besides angering you, and wasting his energy. If you look at from a religious point of view, whatever negative comments he is saying will just give his "nekia" to your family.

Two, try to keep your husband away from your family like Khattichic was saying. He is saying it behind there back, its better, then him saying it to their face. And don't mention what is going on with your family to him. Obviously he is not a wellwisher. I have a feeling your family is better than his family, (finacially, educationally, .....) and he has a complex. He is probably jealous, or he is just trying to bother you and get a reaction.

If he says something really rediculous, i would say something like, just because you say it doesnt make it true, or God is watching everything, or that its a sin to accuse someone of something.

Anyway remember, God is great. He doesnt give everyone all good and everyone all bad. People get what they deserve in the end. He will too.

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Re: Husbands who taunt wife about her family

I disagree, I don't think you should ignore it or 'hide' your family. I think your husband is being a badtameez na-mard. There is no excuse to taunt someone about their family regardless of what they have done. If he hates them so much, he can keep away from them. This is like saying "I hate that movie, I just hate it, it's so dumb" and then going back and watching it over and over again, each time complaining about it. Your husband needs to grow up, what a child. This kind of thing infuriates me.

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Re: Husbands who taunt wife about her family

^ You're quite right that her husband is acting like a child. That's why I suggested she tell him to stop and then ignore him as there is no reasoning with children and one is wasting one's time in trying.

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Husbands who taunt wife about her family

I don't tell him much anyway. Its situations like my brother meets after a while and if he is late my husband will keep mentioning to me again & again. If my brother makes a plan he finds problem with it. If any family member updates a status on facebook he will make sure he gives his negatove feedback on it, if my family meets his even after a month or 2 there will always be a matter to pinpoint! Its like he is looking for points to pick up to tell me later. Its stuff i wouldnt bother the least and would give margin to the other person and move on but he would surely pick an issue. He is well aware i dont like it but still does it again & again.

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Re: Husbands who taunt wife about her family

It is extremely infuriating. But look at the mentality of the husband. The only way to effectively deal with people like this is to not give them fodder. Ignore them. Don't give him attention or a reason to hate on her family. Just like a petulant child, when you take away the reason of their insolence, they find themselves without anything to grouse about. Desi family drama is quite ridiculous, but sometimes you have to play the game.

That's why I'm saying that he doesn't need to have ANY contact with your family. They should unfriend him on Facebook. He shouldn't be included in any family plans that involve them. Your parents or brother don't need to be meeting him.

He won't be left with anything to complain about.

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Re: Husbands who taunt wife about her family

show him aayaat e Qur'aanii which orders Muslims to treat their wives with respect, love and justice.

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Re: Husbands who taunt wife about her family

AbraCadabra- I know what you are talking about. This was also one of the problem I faced while I was married to my daughter’s father and his comments may not necessarily be the outcome of your sharing any family matters/details with him but most like from his observations. “Why your dad said this ? " Why your mother did that ?” “Your uncle is so cheap” everyone in my family from top to bottom was his target.

I would advise you to just tell him very calmly to stop commenting/taunting about your family that you may not need taunt me about everything your observe or dislike about my parents and family , you should also ignore.

I am telling u that this taunting will ultimately make you very bitter and will make you loose yours “Lehaz” infront of him and yes it will get more and more difficult for you to tolerate things that you may not like about HIS family and keeping your mouth shut about it.

There is a limit to which one can take , request him to respect your feelings and your family .

Hope things get better for you :flower1:

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Re: Husbands who taunt wife about her family

Guy have some sort of inferiority complex about himself and he is doing it to cover that up. Find out what it is and help him have a peace with it.

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Husbands who taunt wife about her family

How can she ignore this, I can only imagine it must be so hurtful especially because it's about such petty petty stuff. Why does he do this? Does someone feed him to behave this way towards you? I don't understand men who gossip and are so observant like a woman. Agreed with Aahmed. When your married how are you supposed to deal with it without conflict. Baring it will eventually lead to a lot of sadness and anger, you can only put up with so much. How much is to much. Doesn't sound like this is the only problem in the marriage.

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Re: Husbands who taunt wife about her family

Thats bad, you should openly tell him that you find it disrespectful and are not comfortable with it. If he has any sense he should stop doing it.

BTW try to unleash your tears, the next time he does that. Tell him that you belong to him and the actions of your family have nothing to do with you two.

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Re: Husbands who taunt wife about her family

The thing is, Im assuming OP has already mentioned to him a few times not to say things, or arguments have resulted with her responding back. People like this dont change by you fighting back. If that was the case, she wouldnt be posting this issue. I suggest being really reserved with him, dont joke around with him, and try to keep the topics about things not related to your family.

Again, ive seen these issues before, 99% of the time, the person who is complaining about someone elses family, and a worst off family him/her self. Again its just a complex, ignore it, worst case, say he says your family is doing this, you can respond by saying if you dont like it, dont follow them on facebook. But say it respectfully. Im telling you, if he sees that you dont care anymore, he will leave it alone. If he sees u do get angry, emotional, he is going to know what your buttons are, and will push them whenever he wants, and in the most inconvenient times (like if your rushing to get ready to go somewhere) just to ruin your day/time.

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Re: Husbands who taunt wife about her family

Couldn't agree more! This is exactly what I've been saying in this thread too

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Re: Husbands who taunt wife about her family

Tell him straight up you have ** NO CONTROL** over your brothers/sisters/cousins/neighbors/cats, whatever and whomever he has a problem with. They are responsible for their own actions. Don't give him any explanation whatsoever. You are not accountable for your brother being late or whatever else he complains about.

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Re: Husbands who taunt wife about her family

I highly disagree with everyone saying she needs to politely tell him he needs to stop, she doesn't need to tell him anything other than the fact that she isn't responsible for anyone else but herself.

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Re: Husbands who taunt wife about her family

I agree with aahmed and sajalina, I also see khatti's point. He is your husband, if you have some issues or something that is bothering you about your family you should be able to fully trust your husband, to vent to him or ask for advice if need be. You should be able to do so without feeling like he might use it against you or bring them up as a taunt. That is not what a husband is, and vice versa. You really need to sit him down and tell him that your family is a no-go. It's just downright disrespectful.