I don't know, Gullible. I find your story and MANY other similar in-laws stories to be disgusting, disturbing and disheartening even. I don't know what the most effective solution to this problem would be. You can try various strategies.
**1) **You could go to your parents' home for a few days. And when your husband comes to pick you up.....................HAVE A DISCUSSION WITH YOUR HUSBAND IN THE PRESENCE OF YOUR PARENTS. It needs to be an open and civilized discussion. YOUR HUSBAND......needs to see that you have parents who are there to support you when injustices are taking place. There's no need for this discussion to get messy. You can start it off by telling him that you derive no pleasure from saying negative things about his mom, but things are taking a toll on you. During this discussion YOUR PARENTS could put stronger emphasis on getting a maid. And they could even ASK YOUR HUSBAND......."Why are we being prevented from getting a maid for our own daughter. How would you feel if someone prevented you from buying something for your own child? If you're not helping our daughter.....then why prevent her parents from helping her? Would it be fair if someone prevented your mother from helping her children?" Keep the tone calm........and have a civil discussion. And it should not end until some sort of compromise is reached.
2) Or have a discussion in which YOUR PARENTS......YOUR HUSBAND.......and MIL are all in the same room. Maybe your MIL thinks that since your parents have not confronted her....that she is the all powerful on. Well........get your parents to have a face-to-face meeting with her.....where you and your husband are also a part of this meeting.
**3) **If you need to..........get an Imam. Although since Pakistan is such a male-dominated culture.....sometimes I wonder if an imam would be able to understand a wife's concerns.
4) Has anyone tried videotaping or recording their toxic in-laws. I understand it's an invasion of privacy.....but for good reason. And I know it sounds a bit too filmi. But it could provide a stubborn non-believing husband with evidence. It would be interesting to hear from one who has tried this strategy.
5) Be nice to your sisters-in-law...........KILL THEM with kindness. Help them out. Compliment them. Praise them. Do the same with your MIL. And maybe they'll start behaving like decent human beings.
6) Try Mabrook's sneaky tricks. When you're overwhelmed with the children........hand them over to the devilish daadi. Give you MIL some work to do. And do it sweetly. If she complains....give her a slight guilt trip by reminding her she's a dadi and dadis love to hang out with their grandkids and spoil them. When she becomes overwhelmed..........maybe she'll realize you need a maid.
7) Take a break from hubby, go live with your parents.......until he realizes that some changes need to take place. If that's not going to work..........then continue being the bigger person.......continue being nice to them..........and pray to Allah that He have mercy on you and help you out of your situation.