I am curious after reading Reha’s thread..if the girl’s parents ask for the guy’s earnings then obviously they have the line of ‘this is too low’ in their mind right?
Or do actually parents care that much? What I mean to say is, say a guy has just started a job (a lawyer or a doctor here in England e.g.) his pay isn’t going to be sky high until later down the road, so should his pay quiestion matter at all considering his career is relatively stable and his pay WOULD rise ten-fold later on?
What about you ladies? Say you like a guy, he just started his job but his pay isn’t great but you know it WILL get better later on, do you think it would be justifiable for your parents to reject him on the basis of what he earns NOW (which he can’t help) without considering the fact that he will earn lot more later on?
Should the pay thing matter all if the couple can live their life, while not 5 star, but in relative comfort in their earlier years?
If thats teh only basis for rejecting a guy…that even if he has potential, hes not earning enough right now…thats just being jahil and, well, greedy…and they deserve whatever they get.
If girls want someone whose earning alot, then they’re better off finding someone in his 30s and up…
One should not worry about how their spouse (will) perceive their life . As long as YOU feel good about it , its good enough . If someone wants to be a part of life , good enough . If not , still good .
**Well if its a total arranged marriage, I think it's a pretty good reason to reject, no? Everyone has different levels of comfort, what one might think is a relatively stable life style could be the complete opposite for someone else.
So yes what he earns NOW is a huge factor for sending your daughter in an another family.
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I am curious after reading Reha's thread..if the girl's parents ask for the guy's earnings then obviously they have the line of 'this is too low' in their mind right?
Or do actually parents care that much? What I mean to say is, say a guy has just started a job (a lawyer or a doctor here in England e.g.) his pay isn't going to be sky high until later down the road, so should his pay quiestion matter at all considering his career is relatively stable and his pay WOULD rise ten-fold later on?
What about you ladies? Say you like a guy, he just started his job but his pay isn't great but you know it WILL get better later on, do you think it would be justifiable for your parents to reject him on the basis of what he earns NOW (which he can't help) without considering the fact that he will earn lot more later on?
Should the pay thing matter all if the couple can live their life, while not 5 star, but in relative comfort in their earlier years?
Just curious.
I dont know about others but I would NOT want someone who has it all before I married him...it would not feel mine to me. I dont know if I would be able to share it then.
My parents never reject based on salary or his current financial circumstances. They look for good character, education and honesty. When my sisters got married, none of their husbands made a lot of money. It all happened down the road after some success in their careers. The third one didnt even have a car but has more than enough now, Mashallah. Paisa ani jani cheez hai...what should matter more is your potential and ambition to succeed in life more than anything else. You cannot base your marital life solely on money because thats an unhappy marriage.
You learn a lot when you go through a nasty time. What I learned is that if there is no understanding or love between two people...the material things can only do so much to make you happy. Meaning, there are only so many purses you can buy before you feel like an idiot. After 20 pairs of shoes, even Miu Miu or Prada will not seem like its enough...you will want more to fill that void in your life. And no matter how hard you try to fill it with money, it just wont work. You will not believe it but even Gucci starts to look ordinary.
Money is nice and of course, he should make enough to be able to do simple things like rent and basic bills. I would also work and help out until I have a baby. By then, one would hope life would be a little more stable. But if your sole reason to marry someone is his cash...then dont do it. You will not only be unhappy but make him miserable as well.
Yes, you’re right that parents probably have a certain number in their head when they ask the guy how much he makes. I’m using American currency, but that number can vary, it could be $50k, 75k, or more than that.
I really hope my parents don’t ask the guy I will marry, how much money he makes. At least, not ask to his face and ask me instead. It seems like a lot of parents do care about the salary… you can tell because those parents will then tell extended family members or outsiders how much moolah their future son in-law makes I think potential matters more, and I hope that’s what my parents will look at.
Shak, don’t pay any attn to this. Desi families are notorious for being money hungry, and unfortunately, they think their daughters will be happier with guys who can provide it all. Not really taking into account personalities, or “gasp” love, or the guy’s ridiculous family and their ridiculous expectations. Unfortunately, plenty of awesome guys who just haven’t started out with six figure salaries are often overlooked.
Find someone you love and marry her. It’ll be the best advice you’ve ever taken.
Screw these girls looking for a pot of gold. All I say is you want your expensive shalwaar kameez’s and gold, then go out there and earn it yourself instead of leeching off your husband.
what about when the guy is from pak and your going to be bringing him over... he will have to start again one in the west and he won't be getting that well earning job till later on once he is established evenm if he is really well educated etc.
what about when the guy is from pak and your going to be bringing him over... he will have to start again one in the west and he won't be getting that well earning job till later on once he is established evenm if he is really well educated etc.
You are right.. My hubby migrated from pakistan and is very close to finishing his masters degree insallah and he has got plenty of choices to pick his career in and Insallah he will make enough to support his family. When my parents liked him for me they considered the fact that he is a very hardworking and trustworthy person and they knew he'll be able to start his career in west without having to struggle to much.
no matter how we put it, (unfortunately) money does count in our society and and truth is that everyone cares about it (even people who say they dont). Only thing different in people is the threshold of "how much is enough". For some 50k is enough and for some minimum limit is 90k.
My parents never reject based on salary or his current financial circumstances. They look for good character, education and honesty.
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Paisa ani jani cheez hai...what should matter more is your potential and ambition to succeed in life more than anything else. You cannot base your marital life solely on money because thats an unhappy marriage.
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Money is nice and of course, he should make enough to be able to do simple things like rent and basic bills. I would also work and help out until I have a baby. By then, one would hope life would be a little more stable. But if your sole reason to marry someone is his cash...then dont do it. You will not only be unhappy but make him miserable as well.
I agree with Reha's sentiments - money is not the measure of a man - but parents do look at a guy's earning potential. The guy does not need to have a lot of money or a phenomenal salary, but he needs to be able to show her parents that he can financially provide for her and is he commited to providing their daughter with a comfortable life in the long term (i.e. if he loses his job, he has the ability and the desire to seek other employment).
Defining a "comfortable life" is where one set of parents differs from another. Most parents are looking to see that the guy can put a roof over her head, pay for their living expenses without it being a burden on him. He can rent instead of buying a home, and yes the couple does NOT need two cars, two vacations, new annual wardrobes, etc. But, most parents do not want to see their daughters struggling financially where every month keeping up with the bills is a stressful challenge on the couple.
no matter how we put it, (unfortunately) money does count in our society and and truth is that everyone cares about it (even people who say they dont). Only thing different in people is the threshold of "how much is enough". For some 50k is enough and for some minimum limit is 90k.
I agree - money matters, but how we perceive money and what we want from money differs from person to person.
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it means no socrates
I think potential matters more, and I hope that’s what my parents will look at.