Re: Husband chatting to another lady
So let me sum it up here.
OP: My husband has been talking to some girl 20 minutes a day for almost a year. Does it mean anything?
You all: Ditch the guy. Sue him. get marriage counseling. kick him where it hurts. its not him, its you.
Re: Husband chatting to another lady
So let me sum it up here.
OP: My husband has been talking to some girl 20 minutes a day for almost a year. Does it mean anything? You all: Ditch the guy. Sue him. get marriage counseling. kick him where it hurts. its not him, its you.
My guess is you're not married. You boiled down a lot of advice to it's most simplistic form, marriage is not black and white, there are a lot of gray areas.
Re: Husband chatting to another lady
I'll play the devil's advocate here. Sure, it's absolutely very suspicious that he's having daily conversations with another woman that he's not telling you about. Sure, it is very likely he's having an affair, an affair doesn't just have to be a physical/sexual thing, he's emotionally cheating on you. All that aside, instead of focusing on the affair, start to think about WHY he's doing it? What's missing in his marriage that he thinks he needs to turn to another woman? I'm by no means saying that his affair is YOUR fault, but could it be that he's not attracted to you? Could it be that you guys have been married for so long that he's in a rut? Could it be that he never wanted to get married to you in the first place? Put your entire marriage under a microscope and try to figure out WHY this happened. While you do all this, make sure you kick him in the balls.
Since you're married and thus by default the SME on the topic, please tell us: What's the 'why' going to do at this point? Going by your suggestion, or your list of possibilities, what good would it do for the other partner to discover that either they aren't attractive for their spouse, marriage was forced, etc. etc.
When one person's behaviour is questionable, why should the burden to resolve/fix things fall on the one devoid of the direct screw-ups? In this scenario, husband's lack of self-control and weakness in his character is entirely his problem and nothing and no one has direct control or influence over that and all the rest is just excuses covering it up.
Re: Husband chatting to another lady
Since you're married and thus by default the SME on the topic, please tell us: What's the 'why' going to do at this point? Going by your suggestion, or your list of possibilities, what good would it do for the other partner to discover that either they aren't attractive for their spouse, marriage was forced, etc. etc.
When one person's behaviour is questionable, why should the burden to resolve/fix things fall on the one devoid of the direct screw-ups? In this scenario, husband's lack of self-control and weakness in his character is entirely his problem and nothing and no one has direct control or influence over that and all the rest is just excuses covering it up.
Guessing you're not married either. I'm not saying that the burden is on the wife to fix this or it's her fault. After all is said and done, IF she is interested in salvaging the relationship then she needs to ultimately get over his infidelity and get to the core of things, some counseling would help her/him/them get to the root of things. When you're married for any length of time, you don't want to throw it all away at the first sign of trouble, most people want to try and save the marriage. Obviously, the desire to salvage things is inversely proportional to the degree of betrayal.
Also, I never said I'm the SME on the topic, but having been married for 15 years I feel comfortable saying that I have more experience in the area than your disingenuous rhetoric.
Re: Husband chatting to another lady
aahmed is right.
People,
What you THINK is right is actually sometimes very different from what you HAVE TO DO to make something right again.
Yes, in utopia...he is wrong, she is right, he should say sorry, fall to her feet, kiss them, they make up and live happily ever after.
We're not in utopia. We are in reality. Reality is he will never do that. Which means...the more you throw responsibilities on another's shoulder, the less control you have over the outcome of any situation. That's the formula.
If she chooses to stay, she has to stop whining and do something about it. Talk is cheap. She has full control. She is not bebass, majboor, abused, etc. Self pity is unattractive as well as destructive.
Re: Husband chatting to another lady
Wait, he's talking to an African American lady? Where was this mentioned?
Tyler Perry, is that you !?
Re: Husband chatting to another lady
Your reaction should depend on which you you want to take your relationship too. Are you done and dusted or you want to ignore (or forgive) this considering it as first offence?
Re: Husband chatting to another lady
Your reaction should depend on which you you want to take your relationship too. Are you done and dusted or you want to ignore (or forgive) this considering it as first offence?
I guess you have forgave him but it must be hard not knowing what the chats were about and it's never innocents chats if he hid it from you.
Re: Husband chatting to another lady
Take a chill pill. Enjoy life!.... Live the best... What if he is talking to a girl for 20min. You can do the same and focus on urself and ur own happiness!
Re: Husband chatting to another lady
I guess you have forgave him but it must be hard not knowing what the chats were about and it's never innocents chats if he hid it from you.
We women need to stop being too emotional! I went through that phase and boy it destroyed me.
Re: Husband chatting to another lady
Usually when it's innocent, the other woman would want to "say salam to Bhabhi" or something like that.
My husband works with female colleagues and they all know me and he openly introduces me to them and chats in front of me.
If he's hiding the calls then yes that is a problem because marriage is about honesty and he's obviously lying to your face.
I would just say if it's innocent, next time she calls I want to talk to her... and see his reaction.
Re: Husband chatting to another lady
.
Re: Husband chatting to another lady
Innocent calls as opposes to 
?
Re: Husband chatting to another lady
too many experts here without ever having experienced anything or really even getting it.