A couple friends of ours are having some marital issues. After 8 years of being married to each other - they don’t have anything in common. They don’t have any kids by choice.
They have different friends.
One is religious - the other is not.
One is really outgoing, the other is not.
One is very career driven the other is not.
The husband got into a Ivy league grad school in another state.
The wife wants to keep her job in this economy where they live currently.
So they have decided to live in different states until the studies are complete.
Do you think that the space is good for them - they will come out valuing each other OR that being away from each other is going to make them be even more distant from each other?
IMO it will for sure be the straw that breaks the camel's back----especially if they're both pretty unhappy and aware that there are issues. They're both going to love the freedom, space, not having the constant tension of their differences and distance, etc., and they're going to decide they don't want to go back.
I also predict that they will both be remarried to other people within about five years and they'll both have children with their new spouse. Many times childless-by-choice people simply don't want kids and have a very healthy marital relationship, but in others cases the couple is ultimately not starting a family because they don't feel the chemistry to have that sort of tie---I suspect that's the case with these folks.
IMO it will for sure be the straw that breaks the camel's back----especially if they're both pretty unhappy and aware that there are issues. They're both going to love the freedom, space, not having the constant tension of their differences and distance, etc., and they're going to decide they don't want to go back.
I also predict that they will both be remarried to other people within about five years and they'll both have children with their new spouse. Many times childless-by-choice people simply don't want kids and have a very healthy marital relationship, but in others cases the couple is ultimately not starting a family because they don't feel the chemistry to have that sort of tie---I suspect that's the case with these folks.
I do agree with the most part except for the part of being remarried, i am not sure about that but separating at this juncture in their relationship mite cost their marriage.
^Yeah, the second part is just my 'hunch' based on knowing other couples who had similar stories: unhappy, no kids to complicate the decision further, geographic separation for a period during which each spouse 'found themself'...
Do you think living apart in different cities gives them a liberty and oppurtunity "to find someone new" or "cheat" on each other - even though they married?
I think if you are not that unhappy and you are meeting new people and you don't see each other on daily basis - then it's bound to happen.
Do you think living apart in different cities gives them a liberty and oppurtunity "to find someone new" or "cheat" on each other - even though they married?
I think if you are not that unhappy and you are meeting new people and you don't see each other on daily basis - then it's bound to happen.
What to do guys think?
Absense makes a heart grow fonder or apart?
It's not something I wanted to bring up, but yes, I think it's absolutely possible and actually probable that one or both will find someone new.
Absence making the heart grow stronger in my opinion works only when the relationship is healthy and loving and the absence is not too long.
depending on the issues that they have been facing they might actually find that they care more for each other than they knew......or "better the devil you know than the one you don't"
there are many factors that play into this.....
how old are they?
how integrated are their families?
how common are their lifestyles?
what kinds of values do they adhere to?
Do you think living apart in different cities gives them a liberty and oppurtunity "to find someone new" or "cheat" on each other - even though they married?
I think if you are not that unhappy and you are meeting new people and you don't see each other on daily basis - then it's bound to happen.
What to do guys think?
Absense makes a heart grow fonder or apart?
.. the absence thing is very tricky here.. if they "ever" felt "dependent" on the other - not for financial issues but for EMOTIONAL comfort EVEN in their DIFFERENCES - then one might grow fonder... but if the other was not emotionally "attached" at any level - then this is what must me called D-day. :(
Whilst I agree with Muzna fully, I must add , that two individuals being different in a marriage doesnt really become the core reason to break it off .... so alot really depend on their personalities and values they follow.
Distant relationships are much harder to deal with then being close to each other. If they couldnt manage themselves and clear their issues whilst they were together , chances are pretty thin that they will sort their issues out while being away from each other.
depending on the issues that they have been facing they might actually find that they care more for each other than they knew......or "better the devil you know than the one you don't"
there are many factors that play into this..... ?
how old are they?
32, 30 (very young - both got looks
how integrated are their families?
*not really - parents would like them TO make it but it's up to them. *
how common are their lifestyles?
not much - they lead pretty individual lifestyles
what kinds of values do they adhere to?
*the guy is religious. the gal is not that much. *
NYCGori - I have a feeling too that it would be too easy not even to acknowledge each other when they don't live under one roof. They will be in metropolitan cities where an oppurtunity to meet someone new is very likely.
why does everyone believe that meeting someone new is simple or can happen without much effort...... ......
I think when you are in a school or university - if you are actively it is easier to come across people.
Now with facebook - rekindeling with an old flame, old buddies from college is much easier.
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I understand the possibility but ask those that are actively looking......how easy it it?
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hmm - good point.
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when I asked about the lifestyles I was trying to find out if they come from two different backgrounds with different financial status ......
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No they both earn pretty good money. Neither one depends on each other financially.
^Muzna, I don't assume it's always easy to meet someone new, etc. But njgal mentioned that the guy is going to an Ivy League grad school in a different state---grad school is definitely a place where you'll meet a lot of people with very similar interests and goals. And since it's an Ivy League, the rigorous atmosphere, etc., makes the social connection even more intense---the classmates will likely have a strong bond because of the shared pressure, and will have similar levels of ambition, successful past, etc.
Both partners are also young and good-looking njgal said, and in the US, being young, good-looking, successful, and having a job that brings you into a wider network of people will naturally introduce you to more opportunities to be unfaithful. If someone is dedicated to their morals and to being faithful, it's very easy to do so, but if someone doesn't have those values as strongly or is in a vulnerable state they'll be more likely to fall into temptation.
Njgal, the possibility of them getting distracted is there , but it isnt a big one. if they are experiencing a stall time in theri marriage , perhaps friends and family should encourage them to make an effort into working things out.
Unless they have grown apart tremendously , not just physically but emotionally as well, I dont think they will take interest in anyone around them...specially when a person's marriage is in trouble, the last thing they look forward to is to get into another relationship.
Njgal, the possibility of them getting distracted is there , but it isnt a big one. if they are experiencing a stall time in theri marriage , perhaps friends and family should encourage them to make an effort into working things out.
Unless they have grown apart tremendously , not just physically but emotionally as well, I dont think they will take interest in anyone around them...specially when a person's marriage is in trouble, the last thing they look forward to is to get into another relationship.
Family and friends is involved and is trying their hardest. Everyone is telling them to have a child but they insist until things get better - there is no use of having a baby.
But neither one is willing to let go. He wants to go - so the option is she quits her job and move with him. He won't let this oppurtunity go by and stay with her.
They are both good people but doesn't seem like they want to forgo something to make it work.
Family and friends is involved and is trying their hardest. Everyone is telling them to have a child but they insist until things get better - there is no use of having a baby.
Ugh. I hate it when people urge babymaking on couples who are having issues. Kids are a blessing but also a strain and huge adjustment for a couple; it's not fair to force them into being as 'relationship glue.'
Ugh. I hate it when people urge babymaking on couples who are having issues. Kids are a blessing but also a strain and huge adjustment for a couple; it's not fair to force them into being as 'relationship glue.'