Ugh. I hate it when people urge babymaking on couples who are having issues. Kids are a blessing but also a strain and huge adjustment for a couple; it's not fair to force them into being as 'relationship glue.'
Kids are a pretty sticky glue. I know of so many couples that would exit out the next day if kids weren't involved.
But you are right - it's not fair to the kids or the parents.
Family and friends is involved and is trying their hardest. Everyone is telling them to have a child but they insist until things get better - there is no use of having a baby.
But neither one is willing to let go. He wants to go - so the option is she quits her job and move with him. He won't let this oppurtunity go by and stay with her.
They are both good people but doesn't seem like they want to forgo something to make it work.
Considering the situation they are in, baby is the last thing anyone should advise.
The couple clearly seem to be prioritizing their respective career/future over their marriage. Given their age, they are mature individuals who cant really be told to go down a certain route. so its going to be pointless for anyone to set them on the right path, specially when they are so adamant and selfishly following thier own individual needs.
It also seems they might already have drifted apart from each other emotionally. I have a feeling its a lost game. The distance might only increase their problems.
Kids are a pretty sticky glue.
No doubt. I just think it's so unfair to bring a kid into the world with the intent of giving them a job that you should take responsibility for---the job of making you happy, giving you a sense of purpose, keeping your relationship intact, etc. Maybe we could ensure a better future for our kids if we cleaned up our own issues before we brought them into the world... :(
Re: Husband and Wife living in two cities...
I complete agree with NYC ... if a couple already have kids and later troubles start and their marriage becomes shaky, its understandable that one or the other compromises to keep the family unit intact...
but when one brings in a baby only to save a relationship, its just not fair on the child. A relationship involves two people , if they cant sort out their issues between themselves , bringing a third soul into the matter wont really make a difference and the relationship will continue to go downhill, with the third soul suffering for no fault of theirs.
Re: Husband and Wife living in two cities...
see the problem that bothers me now is that PPL are getting married for the sake of getting married or becuase they were asked to, i just heard the other day when my mum was discussing with another aunty about her son who is not taking responsibility and he comes home late and so and so forth, khair my mommy genious suggested "uss kee shaadi kara do, khud hee aqal aa jayegee" and if that doesnt work the next suggestion would be " bacha paida karo sab theek ho jaayega" and if that doesnt help either then what. I mean c`mon. I was so pissed at that suggestion from mom and to be honest that is the problem with most parents now and thus these situations.
Re: Husband and Wife living in two cities...
Kaun - you are right. I have seen those **two **phrases used sooo often.
It has lead to really complicated issues but I guess parents think that anything is better than "not being married" or "being divroced" - even if you are not entirely happy.
They want distractions so that what ever problems you have - you just mask them with bigger things.
Sometimes it works - but most of the time the problem resurfaces once the novelty is over.
Kaun - you are right. I have seen those **two **phrases used sooo often.
It has lead to really complicated issues but I guess parents think that anything is better than "not being married" or "being divroced" - even if you are not entirely happy.
They want distractions so that what ever problems you have - you just mask them with bigger things.
Sometimes it works - but most of the time the problem resurfaces once the novelty is over.
exactly the problem, but its not only us but our parents as well, they should realise that by hooking your irresponsible kid to someone else is not only risky for him/her but the other person involved as well. Khair this is an age old tactic and it has been passed on from generations to generation and its about time ppl realise it does not always work.
giving space to eachother is good for them .. if 8yrs of being married didnt do anything then whatelse would? ... if moving apart is Final then definitely they are not emotionally attached to eachother... no kids.. no financial dependency? then better move on with your life ...
Re: Husband and Wife living in two cities...
If they dont have kids, and after 8 yeasr they've grown apart and they dont seem to be attached to each other.....let them get out and move on.
Re: Husband and Wife living in two cities...
I would be very surprised to see these two getting back together again.
They already have marital problems to begin with. They dont have children to tie them to each other. They dont have any financial dependancy. They are both good looking and probably realize their worth.
Space at this point will most likely draw them even further apart, give them time to evaluate their situations, live independantly and love it and come back with the decision of the big D word.
No one likes to see a marriage break apart but I dont see how these two will find it in themselves to make it work...unless there is still some love between them. THere is nothing holding them together.
Re: Husband and Wife living in two cities...
^ agreed. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, but in this situation, it seems like it will act as a catalyst to break the relationship.