Re: Hurt by SIL's opinion of me :(
Peace Humper,
it is ok. she going to leave home in few years. you can ignore her and keep your behavior nice and friendly.
her moral values are low, that doesnt mean to start hate them. you can ignore her.
baki app pani piyo aur apni zindagi hansi khushi guzaro. :@:
AHA! So you ARE psyah's multi. The wisdom and prudence, I KNEW IT!
Re: Hurt by SIL's opinion of me :(
I think you shouldn't be taking what you SIL says seriously. She's obviously a very silly girl and was trying to agree with a guy in a throwaway type comment online, which doesn't mean much to her. Be the grown up here, if it bothers you that much, speak to her about it but don't let her know you're angry etc - might be a good idea to find out what kind of guys she's been speaking to.
Why the nick Humper? Why not add a "T" in the beginning or a dink at the end?
I keep thinking the same thing. Your nick is very unfortunate.
Re: Hurt by SIL's opinion of me :(
Him: "waisay us se kehna mat mujhe tumhare bhabhi khas ni lagi. ***** acha hai os se" ** Her: "hahaahaahaha vese I know dat"** Him: "tum logo ke samne tu aur bhi ajeeb si lag rahi thee, lagta hai love marriage hai"
Is that all she said, just the one liner? If yes, then isn't this a typical case of making a mountain of a mere mole hole? I mean, it isn't really much to begin with. She simply agreed with him, the other option may well have been to disagree and come out as the rude one.
Maybe she cares less about what he actually thinks of her bhabhi?. Additionally and from the little I've understood, she's always treated you as nice as any bhabhi would ever expect from their SIL.
In the end, it shouldn't take this less (a single liner) to bring down a perfect working relationship of a bhabhi and her nand.
Re: Hurt by SIL's opinion of me :(
Why it bothers what others may think of you? let them think whatever they want!!!
Re: Hurt by SIL's opinion of me :(
Thanks for all the replies guys.
redvelvet the guy she was talking to is their old neighbour who is also a father of 2 kids so she definitely wasn't trying to get his approval.
Exodus, that is all I read and I can't help but feel that she may have had these discussions with others.
I have a sister her age and we say mean things to each other all the time but it doesn't mean that I would stand for an outsider saying any crap about her. My SIL is nice to me but in a formal sort of way. I am nice to everyone who I am not quite informal with. It's just, I've never said anything about her and even if my sister would say things like "she looks like your husband with a wig" I would shut her up. It feels kind of bad knowing that this random guy was saying crap and all she could do was laugh and agree ...
humper is my bun bun's name. he loves to hump balloons, pillows, boots, his wicker basket etc. he's presently enjoying his nap infront of the fireplace :d
Re: Hurt by SIL's opinion of me :(
I have always cared for my youngest SIL like my own sister. I have gone out of my way to always buy her perfect birthday gifts, always favoured her infront of her brother and always thought well of her. Last night I was at their place and she left her laptop with her facebook open. She was chatting with one of their old family friends who I have never met. I didn't read what they were talking about but couldn't help but notice the last few sentences of their conversation that were right in my face ...
Him: "waisay us se kehna mat mujhe tumhare bhabhi khas ni lagi. ***** acha hai os se" Her: "hahaahaahaha vese I know dat" Him: "tum logo ke samne tu aur bhi ajeeb si lag rahi thee, lagta hai love marriage hai"
I just moved away from the computer and don't know what else they talked about but suddenly my feelings for my SIL have changed. I am her new bhabi and her only bhabi and I always thought she loved me but now I wonder how many other people she talks like this to behind my back? Today I was talking to my husband and I was so upset that I just blurted out "you may be good looking but I am no less pretty". He kept asking me who told me that I wasn't pretty but I changed the topic. I feel like telling him but I know I shouldn't and omg it's like I have taken a sudden and extreme dislike to the girl I used to adore :(
well don't let this thing have so much affect on you..in-laws are like that and never ever "unko zada sir per charhaana"....always keep in mind that they are ur in-laws and they can't be ur friends or ur real sisters or brothers or mothers..
now listen this,atleast ur SIL didnt say this on ur face...my MIL once said it on my face that "mera beta chota lagta hai and tum us se bari lagti ho" infront of my SILs and husband...i was badly hurt and even had tears in my eyes but then i tried my best to show that i didn't mind it..
in-laws are there to lower ur self-esteem..but don't let urself think low of urself..
Re: Hurt by SIL's opinion of me :(
Humper.........i like your nick btw........respeck!!
see.......now you are even..or prolly u have topped her..
your SIL 'agreed' to one person........who dissed you.....
now here....... there is some collective dissing of your SIL and the person she was talking to.......
Now..........move on....shabaash
Re: Hurt by SIL's opinion of me :(
*Exodus, that is all I read and I can't help but feel that she may have had these discussions with others. * I have a sister her age and we say mean things to each other all the time but it doesn't mean that I would stand for an outsider saying any crap about her. My SIL is nice to me but in a formal sort of way. I am nice to everyone who I am not quite informal with. It's just, I've never said anything about her and even if my sister would say things like "she looks like your husband with a wig" I would shut her up. It feels kind of bad knowing that this random guy was saying crap and all she could do was laugh and agree ... humper is my bun bun's name. he loves to hump balloons, pillows, boots, his wicker basket etc. he's presently enjoying his nap infront of the fireplace :d
Don't be assuming like that, Humper. That, in most cases is the perfect recipe for disaster right there. Being shukky leads to all sorts of unexplainable problems. Next thing you know, you see someone else in the family acting odd, you'd suspect the sil 8 out of 10 times.
Just like you're casual enough with your very sister, without knowing much of the history your sil and the neighbor share, there always remains the possibility of them being on a similar casual scale/scheme of things. A girl shutting a girl up is relatively easy, same could be said about a guy to a guy. A girl however telling a guy to go take a hike and mind your own business could well be a chore in some cases.
She deserves a second chance, or perhaps a chance to explain herself (I wouldn't ask for it If I was you). What would royally suck would be to affect a nice new relationship in a negative sort of way, as well as dwelling into a sad phase in your case. Wise/educated one's in their 50's make atrocious little mistakes that you'd never expect them to, yet they do. Forgiveness ought to be the bestest of weapons a kind heart could ever possess. Easier said than done, but isn't everything worthwhile difficult to attain/achieve any way?. Treat her just the way you'd treat your little sister.
Pretty'ness comes from the inside, the rest, simply fades away with time.
Cheer up. :-)
Re: Hurt by SIL's opinion of me :(
Dont let your silly SILs comment hurt your selfesteem.
So she and the guy thinks your husband is prettier than you? Who cares?! After all he is married to you, so aap mein bhi koi baat hogi na :)
Re: Hurt by SIL’s opinion of me 
lar nahi rahi 
just disagreeing :p.
May i add, If we stop doubting the intentions of “fake” siblings or people other than our family, we might just be able to have a healthier relationship with them 
.
Re: Hurt by SIL’s opinion of me
Idealistic na banna karo meri jaan
Re: Hurt by SIL's opinion of me :(
Idealistic na banna karo meri jaan
I call that being positive :D.
Re: Hurt by SIL's opinion of me :(
Call it anything. Reality then slaps us in the face with the harsh truths of life. It's best to realise them beforehand and to treat everyone nicely but maintain an emotional distance.
I call that being positive :D.
Re: Hurt by SIL's opinion of me :(
Call it anything. Reality then slaps us in the face with the harsh truths of life. It's best to realise them beforehand and to treat everyone nicely but maintain an emotional distance.
I rather be positive and face those "harsh" realities because in this way atleast i would have the comfort that i've done my part honestly. Results can be anything but as long as our intentions are right, we should not be worried or atleast that's what i think so.
Re: Hurt by SIL's opinion of me :(
OP pretend you havent seen it. Bus. Erase it from your mind. But mind yourself btw, stop treating SIL like your own sister. Keep in mind always that she ISN'T your own and you should have emotional boundaries.
So hypothetically speaking, would you ask a husband to do the same if by any chance he plans on treating his MIL just like his own mother?
To further add, picture him as someone who's (May Allah swt forbid) lost his own mother.
Re: Hurt by SIL’s opinion of me
she was talking behind your back about you with 1 person and you dont even know the context (you just peeked into her pvt discussion that you were not supposed to)
you are talking behind her back with 100s of guppies…openly and publicly.
i rest my case
Re: Hurt by SIL's opinion of me :(
Emotional boundaries need to exist in these relationships. You cannot ever treat anyone other than your true brother, sister, father or mother in the same capacity.
It's a fact of life. There are very few who can do so well, and they are very few and far between. Just because this is bitter to swallow, doesn't mean it isn't true.
When you consider someone your own, even with a mom, you can act out even and be angry and stuff, and they'll forgive you and you'll forgive them. It's a bond created by Allah. It's not easy to break.
I understand wanting to treat someone "like" a sister/brother/mom/dad etc and I understand that you refer to doing all the nice things. But with a real brother/sister/mom/dad you do negative things too and you are forgiven for them and the love between you isn't altered at the core (in most situations).
I know the number of ups and downs I have with my siblings and parents, I cannot act out similarly in front of my inlaws otherwise that would be hitting myself on the foot with a hammer. Simply BECAUSE we CAN and DO act out in front of family, and they forgive us and love us just the same, makes that bond stronger and thinking someone else is LIKE family, just doesn't compare to the beauty of that love which forgives and forgets and loves nevertheless.
So hypothetically speaking, would you ask a husband to do the same if by any chance he plans on treating his MIL just like his own mother?
To further add, picture him as someone who's (May Allah swt forbid) lost his own mother.
Re: Hurt by SIL's opinion of me :(
That said, as you asked, would I ask a husband to do the same if he plans on treating my mom like his own mother, yes I would ask him to keep certain emotional boundaries. That he should not cross the line with my mom as he might with his own.
I'm sure you Exodus have had ups and downs with your parents. Can you honestly say that you have never argued with them (perhaps even disrespectfully out of emotion at times). What I speak of is not just the ups (which everyone seems to be focusing on) but the entire package when it comes to treating someone "like" a brother/sister/mom/dad.
Inlaws require a certain amount of delicacy and finesse.
So hypothetically speaking, would you ask a husband to do the same if by any chance he plans on treating his MIL just like his own mother?
To further add, picture him as someone who's (May Allah swt forbid) lost his own mother.
Re: Hurt by SIL's opinion of me :(
Chalo, don't maintain emotional boundaries. :) You know I'm on your side. I pray they value you always.
I rather be positive and face those "harsh" realities because in this way atleast i would have the comfort that i've done my part honestly. Results can be anything but as long as our intentions are right, we should not be worried or atleast that's what i think so.
Re: Hurt by SIL's opinion of me :(
Emotional boundaries need to exist in these relationships. You cannot ever treat anyone other than your true brother, sister, father or mother in the same capacity.
It's a fact of life. There are very few who can do so well, and they are very few and far between. Just because this is bitter to swallow, doesn't mean it isn't true.
When you consider someone your own, even with a mom, you can act out even and be angry and stuff, and they'll forgive you and you'll forgive them. It's a bond created by Allah. It's not easy to break.
I understand wanting to treat someone "like" a sister/brother/mom/dad etc and I understand that you refer to doing all the nice things. But with a real brother/sister/mom/dad you do negative things too and you are forgiven for them and the love between you isn't altered at the core (in most situations).
I know the number of ups and downs I have with my siblings and parents, I cannot act out similarly in front of my inlaws otherwise that would be hitting myself on the foot with a hammer. Simply BECAUSE we CAN and DO act out in front of family, and they forgive us and love us just the same, makes that bond stronger and thinking someone else is LIKE family, just doesn't compare to the beauty of that love which forgives and forgets and loves nevertheless.
I agree Deme.
I personally never said it was possible to have same love and care for family and non-family. My point was to just not go into those relationships with preconceived notions or to set up your mind from the very begining that you can't trust them or give them the benefit of doubt.