I have always cared for my youngest SIL like my own sister. I have gone out of my way to always buy her perfect birthday gifts, always favoured her infront of her brother and always thought well of her. Last night I was at their place and she left her laptop with her facebook open. She was chatting with one of their old family friends who I have never met. I didn’t read what they were talking about but couldn’t help but notice the last few sentences of their conversation that were right in my face …
Him: “waisay us se kehna mat mujhe tumhare bhabhi khas ni lagi. ***** acha hai os se”
Her: “hahaahaahaha vese I know dat”
Him: “tum logo ke samne tu aur bhi ajeeb si lag rahi thee, lagta hai love marriage hai”
I just moved away from the computer and don’t know what else they talked about but suddenly my feelings for my SIL have changed. I am her new bhabi and her only bhabi and I always thought she loved me but now I wonder how many other people she talks like this to behind my back? Today I was talking to my husband and I was so upset that I just blurted out “you may be good looking but I am no less pretty”. He kept asking me who told me that I wasn’t pretty but I changed the topic. I feel like telling him but I know I shouldn’t and omg it’s like I have taken a sudden and extreme dislike to the girl I used to adore
Dont feel down about it, but dont go too cold on her all of a sudden, just maybe treat her as a SIL and not a friend or get tooo attached.. As long as your hubby loves u and accepts u for who u are dnt be worried. And u know urself that ur fine so ignore her, she doesnt seem very mature, hm
^21 is still young and immature, IMO. NO, it's no excuse. It could even be that she "agreed" with the guy to gain his approval. Maybe she thinks he's cool or has a crush on him.....and although her comment was hurtful....his were worse. He sounds like an asshole. Hopefully at some point she'll learn that a guy who cant respect a member of her family....will never truly respect HER as a friend or girlfriend. And if that's the case (concurring to get approval)......then it could even be that she has a low self-esteem problem if she's with such a jerk.
Their comments about your looks are just opinionns........it not a truth or a guarantee that you're average looking or unattractive. YOU YOURSELF think you're attractive....which is great....cuz not everyone thinks that way about themselves, so that reflects a self-confidence.....Your husband finds you attractive....and that's really all that matters.
Others might disagree, but if it were me, I'd approach her after calming down (easier said than done, I know)......But I would tell her that I had no deliberate intention of readig her private conversation but my eyes fell upon it...and it was staring me in my face. Tell her that while you understand that people are entitled to their opinions about your looks...you're hurt that she'd participate with the guy in mocking you behind your back.....especially since you always believed that you both had a strong relationship. And I'd tell her that a guy who can't respect your family members ....will not respect YOU. Say this calmly. And perhaps she'll get defensive and accuse you of being nosy...but that would be her way of deflecting the situation. Just tell her I'm not mad but I'm hurt..say it calmly. ANd continue to be the bigger person...the nicer person that you've always been.....as that'll make her feel more guilty than if you were to act like a "btch" to her. Kill her with kindness. The other way to look at is that....even blood-sisters will say cruel things to each other's faces......but they move on from it. You say that you see her as a younger sister.....with time....maybe think of her as an errant younger sister and forgive her.
I'd go ice cold on her. Yup, then she'll wonder why you're acting the way you do and agonize over it whereas if you confront her directly, she can turn it around and make it about you..... Sounds manipulative but it works.
I think that acting mean or cold toward her....will give her something to "use" against the OP. It's like giving her ammunition, if that makes sense...where she can tell people (the guy, or even her parents/the OP's in-laws) that "Bhabi is being really mean to me...she's ignoring me, gosh what's her problem?" That could potentially turn others (MIL, FIL, etc) against Humper.....especially if they see the hercacting cold toward the SIL. And if she (the SIL) complains to her parents/brother about Humper's cold shoulder BEFORE she approaches bhabi and asks her what's up......again it might make the problem worse as more people will get involved. Whereas I think if you calmly confront her and tell her how you feel...but then continue to act like the bigger person (continue the positive behavior)....would induce more guilt, and it could even set a positive example in terms of character.
Being cold isnt' necessarily mean...its subtle, passive aggressive etc. giving lefthanded compliments, being a meethi churri. :@:
Yeah I get what you're saying. But my point is....she could tattle-tale to her brother and parents about the meethi churi comments and passive aggressive behavior....which could turn MIL/FIL/husband against Humper. At that point if Humper were to explain that I was being cold cuz I read SIL's conversation....THAT could be used against her (the whole nosy accusation). Blood relations are tricky...you never know how people will respond.
Whereas I think if Humper forces herself to continue to be nice to her SIL....and then at a convenient time...approach the SIL and calmly tell her what she read......that would induce more embarrassment and guilt....even more so if she continues to act like the bigger person despite the SIL's behavior. I think it's important for her to tell the SIL that a guy who talks crap about her family to her...won't respect her either. She's young....I think that it's a good life-lesson to bring up with her. She may not agree with the OP....but later on...I wouldn't be surprised if she finds that "bhabi" was right......that guy is a jerk and I need to be more mindful what I say about people. She can "teach" her SIL in a way that way is gentle....or in a way that is harsher and will make the SIL begrudge her. Acting like a meethi churi will make Humper no better than the SIL or that guy. If anything...the meethi churi comments might even make the SIL angry as opposed to getting her to reflect over her mistake. May result in a battle of meethi churi comments....where the MIL may get involved.
OP pretend you havent seen it. Bus. Erase it from your mind. But mind yourself btw, stop treating SIL like your own sister. Keep in mind always that she ISN'T your own and you should have emotional boundaries.
My own bhabhi is beautiful masha Allah.. But whenever someone says * tumhara bhai zyada good looking hai* then i reply yes you are right..
I mean no matte how beautifull bhabhi Is...bahan Ki nazro Mai hamesha bhai hi zyada pyara lagta hai.
And that doesn't mean I don't like my bhabhi..I like her so much there are so many people who says wow itni pyari bhabhi kahan se dhoondh laye? And I feel proud that she is my bhabhi.
So plzz don't take stress over this.just be nice and friendly with your SIL.
hm what i have extracted from the conversation is that someone else said to ur SIL that he dont like you and your sil said it in return that she knows that he dont like u. what a big deal…r u gonna get some sawab if you are in everyone’s good book?
it hurts in the beginning but give her sometime…as your in-laws is a new thign for you its also no less different for your inlaws as well. they also need time to see the beauty in you.
I know its painful but from the conversation it looks like she was being an immature brat...nothing more.
As RV said...she could have been agreeing to not have to disagree with someone but still cares for you and loves you. How is her attitude with you? How does she behave with you? Is she ever rude or disrespectful?
I'd go ice cold on her. Yup, then she'll wonder why you're acting the way you do and agonize over it whereas if you confront her directly, she can turn it around and make it about you..... Sounds manipulative but it works.
no, behaving cold will not going to help op. i will suggest her to keep normal behavior and sooner or later she will realize her mistake.
So are you saying that your blood siblings can’t make such a comment about you? I have seen this happen with real siblings, jealousy can crop up in those relationships too. Actually i am not even sure if its jealousy, maybe its just her opinion but yes the way she said it was wrong. You shouldn’t allow anyone to make such a comment about your family in such a unkind way. There are alot of marriage, if not most, where one of the two is alot better looking and its ok because marriage is not about matching up 2 pretty faces, its alot more than that. Hence @ OP you shouldn’t take it to heart cuz even if you are less goodlooking than your husband you probably have other better qualities. Or just think of it as the other person’s right to their opinion. Yes, it was not done in the right way but i don’t think you should let it ruin your relationship with your sis in law. I understand its not easy to forget such a comment but think positive and don’t care too much about it.
