Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn’t
Whose to say the couples who don’t have kids later is because they had decided to wait 
I don’t know how people assume that.
Anyways, in this case I think both are being stubborn and need to sit down and talk it out. Arguing about it isn’t helping anyone. Maddy, how old are they?
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
Okay, the couple haven't been married that long, but they've known each other for a few years beforehand. Girl is 29 years old and the guy is 37. So I understand the guy's fear. My point is just how much a wife should ascede to her husband - personally I would think that there's cause for both cases. Careers are becoming harder to maintain, and if you climb up the ladder, once you have kids you get pushed back down again and it takes years to get up there again. I speak from experience with my sister who has taken years to get to her position because she has 3 kids and has had to work hard to get a decent position.
BUT i also understand the guy's worry, and the fact that sometimes it's just a natural stage to move on.
At the end of the day, it's their decision, and it's something they need to discuss. It's really just a case of can both parties feel like they are happy doing something that they won't resent later?
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
its not like they gonna get the kid very next day. : rolleyes:
cougheventhenormalprocesstakes9monthscough
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
I appreciate. Leaving it to Allah here doesnt really mean having children non stop. What I meant was something else. Anyway.
I understand - but I was just addressing the tone of your message. It's more about being thankful for whatever happens to us in life. Allah wouldn't give us logic and then punish us for wanting to use that logic in a constructive way. That was the point I was trying to get across.
And with couples that wait and then never have kids - there's also the same amount of couples that have been trying from day one but they aren't blessed with kids. =/ Does that make any sense? I mean, why is God with-holding kids from them?
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
It is understandable that the wife wants to pursue her career and thats very much fine. But putting one's self in the husband's shoes, what options does he have left then? A desire to have one's kid is very natural and normal. And when it comes to the comparison, is ambition or career really worth it more than the children? Also, i wonder if the jury held the same views if the case were vice versa, that is, if it was the wife wanting children and the husband refusing. What names wouldnt have been called to the husband then, I can well imagine. Oh and please nothing like "but a husband doesnt deliver a child, its the wife"... Its such a broken record. We have already over-ratedly enjoyed all of our statuses. That a woman delivers a child is a biological fact and also the greatest, the uniquest blessing from the Almighty and it should be taken as such.
-no offense-
Can you deny that the woman does the majority of the child-rearing for her kids though? =/ Shouldn't she have a slight edge in the decision-making process bcos of that? I mean, think about it. When you have a kid, you'll be spending your 99% of your time with it. Not your husband, much less for the husband in fact. No one is denying the blessing of a child - children are lovely. But they are not all that is important in life for a woman, is it? Everyone has different goals and dreams - including careers and education. Having children isn't a woman's sole purpose in life....maybe the most important purpose, but not the sole purpose.
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
^ exactly. getting pregnant usually doesn't happen overnight...especially when you are on birth control. they both need to re-evaluate their priorities in life and seriously consider the consequences- pros/cons of having a baby now vs waiting and come up with whatever works best for them. taking bcps behind his back, however, is something that can have dire consequences for their relationship and if in fact she does decide she wants to get pregnant.
it is her body, after all, that is going to carry the baby so she should feel ready and willing to go forth with it. and it doesn't just end there- no matter how helpful or caring the husband is and willing to help with chores, baby duties, etc- is it in fact the mom who endures 9 months of carrying the child, endless labor and limitless diapers and endless night duty no matter how much the hubby helps. it all comes down to the mother and if she's not ready, they really need to talk about it.
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
everyone keeps saying.......''don't take teh pill'' ''work it out''
how is she supposed to do that?? like......if she fears the husband will flip out or go nuts???
i think its way too easier said than done ''work it out''.........
what option does she have besides taking the pill.......if her hubby is likely to go crazy??
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
It is her body, and she should have final say, but she's no spring chicken when it comes to ideal child bearing years. Physicians recommend having children before 35, as after that age the risk of the child being born with genetic defects increases.
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
plus what if the guy is noticing his plumbing is going south? (no offense southie). he may have only like 6 months of babymaking left!!
It's definitely her ultimate final decision because she's the one that has to go through pregnancy but that doesn't mean she decides when and where. This is something the couple needs to compromise on and talk about. She should definitely feel ready though. Plus the guy should stick to his word. How can he suddenly be like oh I'm old??
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
They both have equal say, in my opinion. I mean, what if she never wants to have kids? Are we going to say it's her decision since she's the one who carries the child?
Whatever the case, they need to reach a mutual agreement. The wife should place her family first, then her career. Her first responsibility is towards her household. Allah will not ask her if she worked 40 hours a week or not, since that obligation falls on the man.
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
she's said she wants kids but not now..so why can't the husband say true to his words by waiting? ^
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
If he did made a promise, then he should stick to it.
Though, it'd be better if they come to an agreement together, because it doesn't seem like the husband is too keen on sticking to his word, or else he'd never even have brought this up with her.
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
How long does she want to wait...2 years? Maybe they can both agree on reducing that 2-year time-frame.
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
They both have equal say, in my opinion. I mean, what if she never wants to have kids? Are we going to say it's her decision since she's the one who carries the child?
Of course it's her decision.
And in that case, if she decides to NEVER have a child, it's also the husband's decision to part ways and find someone who does want children.
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
When you get married, the next stage is to have children. Every man expects that from his wife and so does the wife.
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
i don't understand why men put up with women like her?
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
its not like they gonna get the kid very next day. : rolleyes:
cougheventhenormalprocesstakes9monthscough
but that normal process is a life changing process process as soon as it starts.
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
When you get married, the next stage is to have children. Every man expects that from his wife and so does the wife.
I know a man who made her wife get an abortion because she got pregnant.
So yeah, all men or women are not same.