Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
According to OP's post....she told him that she wanted to wait 2 years or so and he agreed to wait. Now after marriage he's going back on his words.
Good point.
????
It's his Islamic right.
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
and is it her Islamic right to force her to carry a child?
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
Good point. It's his Islamic right.
Using religion as a tool are we??.
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
It's his Islamic right, yes. But he can only demand kids if he was unaware of her wishes. And as many people stated, she doesn't want to be child-less forever - it's just a matter of a few years.
Islamically, men should also help their wives in secular education as well as religious. Idk if the woman in question is pursuing her education - but she has a right to that as well.
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn’t
& the ppl say age is just a number 
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
To have kids or not to have kids, wife should have final say in it but having said that, she should also listen to husband's argument with an open mind. Husband-wife relationship works better when both are accommodating to each other and at times, give priority to spouse's liking instead of their own.
In this case I see husband has a valid argument (i.e getting old), and it should be discussed with open mind. Perhaps they both can agree on 1 years delay?
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
To have kids or not to have kids, wife should have final say in it but having said that, she should also listen to husband's argument with an open mind. Husband-wife relationship works better when both are accommodating to each other and at times, give priority to spouse's liking instead of their own.
In this case I see husband has a valid argument (i.e getting old), and it should be discussed with open mind. Perhaps they both can agree on 1 years delay?
I just wonder, did he just wake up one day and realize that "hey...I'm getting old" and start to pester her about having kids asap or did something trigger those feelings or what...
2 years isn't even that long of a time, it would be great if they could compromise on a year instead of 2...but it seems like the guy isn't even willing to budge on that, and that is a serious red flag (
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
I just wonder, did he just wake up one day and realize that "hey...I'm getting old" and start to pester her about having kids asap or did something trigger those feelings or what...
2 years isn't even that long of a time, it would be great if they could compromise on a year instead of 2...but it seems like the guy isn't even willing to budge on that, and that is a serious red flag (
I am not arguing on this specific case. Its very hard to know everything about a particular situation BUT views of people change over time due to the experience they gain. May be he was OK with 2---3--4 years wait before but now after marriage and over time his view has changed and that's COMPLETELY OK. Now he has to convince spouse though
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
What would you advise someone in that position to do? Stand their ground and take their birth control etc, or just listen to what hubby wants? Can there be any such compromise here?
More than standing her ground or listening to her husband, i think she needs to listen to what Allah wants. Like when I read your title, "hubby wants kids she doesnt", what instantly came to my mind was, "what if she wants them too, at one time, but Allah doesnt then?" I am sorry if that sounds harsh or something, but I am a fatalist and I think things should be in Allah's hands and not ours, its unnatural.
I would agree with her husband here too, as yes this is next stage to move on too. What I meant by what Allah wants is naturally that there is time for every thing, yes. And children!!! ask me. I am married for one year and 8 months and I feel like its ten years and I am still childless. She doesn't need to feel like me, but what if she does, after a couple of years, or some more years, and then Allah may not want it (khuda na khwasta). And there is no denying the fact that one day she will want it. Then why not now? And, I believe, becoming a mother is more fulfilling than any whatever career on the earth.
So if i were in this position, I would very politely and sincerely advise my friend to please dont be stubborn. Leave it on Allah. People do not get preggers over night anyway. And if she gets, she can always take a break from her career and resume later.
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
They should both compramise and have children after 1 year. It does take 9 months you know :) that would be roughly 2 years as agreed by the couple.
Or did they agree to WAIT 2 years before TRYING, making it nearly 3 years until they have a child?
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
"Leaving it to Allah" is the reason that Pakistanis have come to the situation where households have 9 children but income only to feed 2.
Allah also gave us logic and reason, we're different from animals for a reason, no? She is not permanently not wanting children - it's just a matter of...let me wait a year or two. Everyone's situation is different. At the end of the day, everything is in the hands of Allah - we have no definite control over that, ever. If He wishes, she could be prego without even knowing it, despite her bc. But He gave us free will/reason/logic for a reason.
I think it's her right to say, hey let's wait. Esp if her husband knew her wishes before their marriage, and agreed to those wishes. Taking a break from your kids is really hard, especially for your career. Cos after kids, everything pales in comparison right? I think a vast majority of women dedicate themselves to their children even though they might have had different plans before the kid. So it's hard to say.."Oh she can just resume career-building after the kid." You don't raise a kid overnight, it's years and years. 20+ years.
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
"Leaving it to Allah" is the reason that Pakistanis have come to the situation where households have 9 children but income only to feed 2.
Allah also gave us logic and reason, we're different from animals for a reason, no? She is not permanently not wanting children - it's just a matter of...let me wait a year or two. Everyone's situation is different. At the end of the day, everything is in the hands of Allah - we have no definite control over that, ever. If He wishes, she could be prego without even knowing it, despite her bc. But He gave us free will/reason/logic for a reason.
Slam dunk!.
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
"Leaving it to Allah" is the reason that Pakistanis have come to the situation where households have 9 children but income only to feed 2.
Allah also gave us logic and reason, we're different from animals for a reason, no? She is not permanently not wanting children - it's just a matter of...let me wait a year or two. Everyone's situation is different. At the end of the day, everything is in the hands of Allah - we have no definite control over that, ever. If He wishes, she could be prego without even knowing it, despite her bc. But He gave us free will/reason/logic for a reason.
I think it's her right to say, hey let's wait. Esp if her husband knew her wishes before their marriage, and agreed to those wishes. Taking a break from your kids is really hard, especially for your career. Cos after kids, everything pales in comparison right? I think a vast majority of women dedicate themselves to their children even though they might have had different plans before the kid. So it's hard to say.."Oh she can just resume career-building after the kid." You don't raise a kid overnight, it's years and years. 20+ years.
I appreciate. Leaving it to Allah here doesnt really mean having children non stop. What I meant was something else. Anyway.
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
i agree with Mirage. Man proposes and God disposes. I know of a couple who didnt want kids for few yrs and now its been like 10yrs and they have tried almost everything but still childless. I am not saying that this gal in subject should have kids even if she doesnt want it at all but she has married to this guy who has equal rights with her. they should sit together and sort it out. no 3rd party should be giving his/her opinion as Decent 6chora rightly said that we do not know the complete situation of this specific couple.
Also i believe jiss ne iss dunya mein aana hota hai, woh aajata hai. its not about your will.
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
I agree this is between husband and wife and they should discuss and decide.
The husband changed his mind after marrige, may be because relatives/friends started telling him he should have kids right away and if they wait he will be older when the kids are still younger.
Everyone will have their own opinion which wil affect the couple's thinking.
The more the wife hears, its her choice and why he is going back on his words, the more she will think thats correct instead of trying to understand her husband's pov.
Same goes for the husband.
The girls as soon as they get married start hearing this from all the relatives. 'khushkhabri kab sunao gay'
May be the guys hear the same thing and in this case the husband is being pressured from left and right.
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
It is understandable that the wife wants to pursue her career and thats very much fine. But putting one's self in the husband's shoes, what options does he have left then? A desire to have one's kid is very natural and normal. And when it comes to the comparison, is ambition or career really worth it more than the children? Also, i wonder if the jury held the same views if the case were vice versa, that is, if it was the wife wanting children and the husband refusing. What names wouldnt have been called to the husband then, I can well imagine. Oh and please nothing like "but a husband doesnt deliver a child, its the wife"... Its such a broken record. We have already over-ratedly enjoyed all of our statuses. That a woman delivers a child is a biological fact and also the greatest, the uniquest blessing from the Almighty and it should be taken as such.
-no offense-
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
i think the main pressure comes from her parents in law
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
do you know this couple, shera? me neither. but in laws also hid bin laden in a compound. i'm pretty sure..
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
^^ ehmmm did i say something wrong or did ihv done a crime to say my opinion abt it? i dont know them personally and i dont want to
dats so fishy at the beginning the both were understanding abt like okay no kids thori der baad but suddenly the guy wants kid, isnt marriag a relationship which jugdes the person equel?? or marriage means what ever a man says do so and woman has no right
well i dont think so
Re: Hubby wants kids, she doesn't
where is nadz when u need her
shell love this thread lol