I don't think that it's outrageously selfish to desire something different for special occasions such as your birthday or anniversary. It's human nature to get bored of the same thing........and getting a gift that is different.....reflects consideration.
I'm NOT saying that buying flowers for your wife doesn't show consideration. It's not completely devoid of consideration....... BUT.......I could understand how receiving the same gift for the same occasion all the time........can potentially give the impression of** little **consideration/effort/thought being put into the act. The redundancy has the potential to make the act seem robotic in a way.
**Ajuba, **while I can see things from your point of view........keep in mind........that AT LEAST your husband bothers to do something for your birthday. Whereas you haven't made any effort at all......it seems from your post. And perhaps it has something to do with upbringing and culture. Maybe your husband's parents were not too into giving gifts for birthdays and anniversaries and this could be the "norm" for him. However......if birthdays/anniversaries are a BIG DEAL for you.........then you should have done something nice for him as well. It's also possible that such occasions were not considered a huge deal in his family. Overall....all relationships....involve a **mutual **give and take. When we show consideration for others........it motivates them to reciprocate. For example, if a friend did something nice for you from the goodness of her heart..........you'll have the natural desire to reciprocate the same consideration for her. And you don't feel "compelled" or "forced" to do something nice.......because the intention of the consideration was a sincere one to begin with.
So........what I'm trying to say is..........that you should get your husband a gift as well. Not just for his birthday or anniversary. But.......on random days throughout the year. It doesn't have to be a material gift......you could surprise him with his favorite dishes, for example. Hopefully he'll appreciate your consideration and be motivated to do more than just flowers. Maybe if you display creativity in your gifts.......he'll hopefully feel more inclined to do the same for you. Or maybe if you get him something that he really wants......he'll be more motivated to do the same for you. So, you're modelling. And it can't hurt the relationship. Gifts/kind gestures strengthen relationships according to a hadith.
***** Also, even Mumtaz had to TELL the emperor, Shah Jahan to build the Taj Mahal for her. Being the emperor of a nation.......even with all his money/power/authority....he wasn't a mind-reader. If his beloved wife had never made her request.......the monument wouldn't exist. If a king needs a little help from his queen.............then an ordinary guy can use a few hints from his wife. ;)
Wow... Insaan kissi haal mein khush nahin rehta.
Lady when you get the flowers, thank him/hug him, clip the ends, put them in water in a vase and keep them on your nightsand.... they will remind you that he loves you & remembers the occasions.... tauba hai.
Let me get this straight. He does remember your birthday. You don't remember his. You don't even bother too. He remembers yours and gets you something.
Wow. Talk about selfish.
Secondly talk to him. Instead of *****ing to some women about it, talk to him. The problem with you women is that you can't act like adults. If you have a problem you talk to each other and solve it. You don't spread it around town.
Oh my god I can't even imagine what you have to go through everytime he remembers all the occasions and sends you flowers. I hope he learns his lesson, inconsiderate git.
hmmm....maybe he doesnt think its a big deal to u either...and trust me no matter how much he says he doesnt celebrate his birthday he secretly wants to.lol..so i think its up to u to make him enthusiastic that its his birthday..cos if it truly is the thought that counts u arent giving it much thought whereas ur husband is...at least he gets u flowers...u get him nothing...
i think u need to step back from this situation and take a look around...ur lucky if that is the BIGGEST issue in ur life right now
Set the example. In my husband's family, no one celebrates birthdays...they dont even remember them...anniversaries are asking for way too much.
So, I threw him a birthday party...a big one and invited all of his friends out for a nice dinner. He got tons of presents and had a great time.
Then I took him out for an alone dinner on our own.
For anniversaries, I just ask what we're doing this year. That way, he knows we should be doing something...and plans accordingly.
My best friend's husband was much the same way. He didnt remember or put too much of an emphasis on birthdays or anniversaries. In the beginning, my BF got hurt thinking she just wasnt important to him but the she slowly understood: he just wasnt raised where birthdays or anniversaries were celebrated around him. He was just buying a card or flowers because they were special to her. So, she made it special for him too. :)
Your husband remembers these things and thats a great start. He knows they mean something to you so buys the flowers and card. Now that he has made some of the effort, you have to meet him halfway too. Show him what you like. The anniversary seems to be only about you...when its actually about both of you. What have you done for him? Involve him, otherwise I dont see how an anniversary is suppose to excite him to the point of buying you presents and taking you out.
Ajuba, right now, your anger is not justified because from what I see...you havent made your expectations known to him.
