what wonderful posts P-squared! You have exactly the right attitude IMHO. I myself was in an abusive marriage and life was misery. It takes SO much courage to do something about it but I was able to do just that - and went on to marry my "knight in shining armor", have 3 beautiful boyz with him. We celebrate 10 years of happy marriage tomorrow. Life used to be pure misery - but for the past decade I've had SO much happiness that I sometimes wonder what I ever did to deserve such a beautiful life. I wish such as that for MS...she seems like a talented, wonderful, caring and giving person
who deserves so much more than the jerk she finds herself stuck with at the moment.
NO ONE - male or female - needs to continue a life of misery. IMHO. And an abusive person VERY rarely changes his or her ways.
I'll say it once again....(in MY own personal opinion), divorce is the obvious and only answer.
Thank you MO3! I appreciate the response and the kind words. I also applaude you for not only getting out of a bad situation but putting your life back together again. Mashallah. Im very happy for you. Ive heard someone say that Allah never gives you more than you can handle...this is so true.
I personally think it's better for her to get a divorce, claim half of his property and walk out of this abusive relationship rather than staying just to make things 'better' (which seems impossible) and getting severely hurt physically and mentally in the process. It's better to leave when she has the chance to rather than it all being too late. With such a moron husband, it's like living with your enemy where you have constant threat to your well being.
ive never said that ur opinion is invalid.. its the way some of u put ur responses that confuses me..
u dont know these people... u dont know the complete background of either of the people, how can u simly say "blah blah is the only solution".. and im not just referring to the issue on hand.. its with anything.
and for people to say "MS is not an idiot.. " yes shes not... but what if someone were? what if someone were just looking for an excuse to i dunno end it and made up a biased story.. what would u do?
please have some fear in you before stating such resolutions... or any
sorry. I'm the "people" who read about an issue, considered the options, stated my opinion and I STAND by it. If its an internet idiot, one who follows advice willy-nilly without considering options then thats their issue, not mine. I'm here, I am who I am, I "calls 'em as I sees 'em" with the very best of intentions and I stand by what I say.
When someone has issues as devastating as these and "people" tell her to pray for guidance or to HOPE for a better future, it seems like putting a band-aid on a spurting artery. And as far as putting up with abuse and ENCOURAGING someone to do so, that just shows an utter lack of self-respect and self-worth.
I have no fear at all in expressing my opinions when they are asked for. Thats what a forum is all about yeah?
^ i dont agree with saying " go pray and everythign will be ok".. i wouldnt even say that to someone i knew personally...
and I do take responsibility for any nilly willy taking my advice... cus that person is a real person and who knows what their state of mind might be whilst reading my advice... I consider all things when speaking to someone in person... and i would expect to give someone on here that same respect and consideration...
that's all
again ur missing the point of what im saying..
ive never said that she should put up with the abuse... ive said that it is WRONG for us to say THIS IS THE ONLY SOLUTION
ok so you should stick to posts where the issues are what to cook for dinner, what to feed baby....things that are not life-shattering such as what MS is facing. Its a tough planet out there and if you can't stand the heat then get outta the kitchen yeah? If you arent asking for advice you will not receive it...but if you are asking for help and advice, do you really want people to take the wimpy way out and tell you to pray or to hope? Or do you want REAL advice from REAL people? It seems to me that you have never in your life faced a horrible situation where you had no one to turn to. May it stay that way for you but may you also come to understand. These last posts are completely off-topic (sorry about that) but its an important issue - one which may benefit by becoming a separate thread....
^ i dont agree with saying " go pray and everythign will be ok".. i wouldnt even say that to someone i knew personally...
and I do take responsibility for any nilly willy taking my advice... cus that person is a real person and who knows what their state of mind might be whilst reading my advice... I consider all things when speaking to someone in person... and i would expect to give someone on here that same respect and consideration...
that's all
again ur missing the point of what im saying..
ive never said that she should put up with the abuse... ive said that it is WRONG for us to say THIS IS THE ONLY SOLUTION
Sadzzz
Ohmigosh, give it up. You're stuck in this wierd circle right now. How old are you? Im just wondering because it seems as if you're trivializing what this post IS ALL ABOUT. Its not about you or how you feel about our opinions, its about MS and how SHE feels about them. You forget, SHE asked for OUR advice.
Its a FORUM...we DISCUSS things here. A FORUM allows all of us to state what is on our minds in whatever fashion we choose.
You know what the problem is? You are coming from a very DESI place...there is nothing progressive about your posts...it just reeks of village-like thinking. I know what the problems are but I dont feel like getting into them with you because this thread is not about you.
Ok guys chill! everyone has different thought process behind when they give advice on the forum (and to an extent in real life)....yeah SOME advice was really sily and pointless (not sadzzz!) but i think we should also give benefit of doubt to the original poster. We (kind of) know her, so we can safely assume this is not a joke and that she can listen to what we are saying and make her own decision... i hope some of this makes sense!
guys.... sometimes i dun understand... being assertive is one thing but plsssssssss dont impose ur thots on someone and dont disagree with someone to the point where you both are insulting each other!!!!!!! this is pure immaturity! sadzzz... please dun draw so many conclusions... MS asked for advice and shes getting it and she certainly knows which advice to pay heed to and which one not alrite?just leave her alone and let her do what she thinks is best alrite...? Peace!
sadzzz, i think most folks here got your point first time around, its not really that hard to get, they just dont agree with it, and that is their prerrogative. Noone is 'enforcing' anything here, so lets stop assuming that they are.
Dang. First thought I had reading all this is how much my presence really does stir negativity in people! HAHA!
Calm down everyone. I'm not jumping to conclusions, I'm not going to blindly follow someone's advice without considering the consequences and how it pertains to my own life. I'm grateful for everyone's input so far. It's comforting to know that people care.
MS yes we all care and want to help...not to worry about us getting all overheated, its because we all care and yours is really a serious situation, its not like you need help planning a dinner party yeah? Anyway, know that we are all keeping you in prayers and even if we do all get overheated sometimes...we will all make up and play nice at some point or other lol! and in the meantime, we are all rooting for you no matter what our opinions on your situation may be.
And ps, your presence does NOT have a negative effect!! QUITE the opposite girl!! We have seen your talent, your kindness and your dedication so if things are getting heated, its cause so many people with so many different opinions care so much about you.