Hubby changing his mind and making me sick

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Hubby changing his mind and making me sick

Time to tell him to get real, suck it up, this is the way it IS, too bad if you dont like it but you said ok for her to come, so she IS COMING. Dont like it? Leave. Enda story.

Come on girl, stand up, even if you have handicaps and/or other issues, there are SO many venues of assistance for you in USA that you will never go without. If you need help with any of that, please PM me and I can assist here.

Really, really, your guy needs to learn to adjust and to be a husband instead of a Master. And YOU need to learn that you are every bit as important as HE is.

22

Re: Hubby changing his mind and making me sick

Hmmm, technically, your husband should not be letting his brothers come stay whenever they want. It does require a great deal of sacrifice on your part. If it was a joint family to start with then that’s a different issue perhaps. He needs to be more sensible and sensitive to that. You should tell him that you are not obligated to entertain anyone.

Regarding your friend, I don’t know what to say, but you could use this opportunity to point out to him that just as his privacy is important, so is yours. Maybe he’ll understand.

Of course one can argue that those are his brothers (with the exception of the paying guest), but in Islam, they are all equal na-mehrams :hmmm:

23

I say Bash Him!!!

Now Breathe!!

24

Re: Hubby changing his mind and making me sick

I totally feel what you're going through sister. :)
I have had similar problem. So i know how painful things can be.

But my advise is to tell your husband in clear words.

Can i ask a question: ?
Your husband came from Pakistan after getting married to you ? or was it you ?

25

MS, ok so the more details u provide, the more concerned i am at your situation.

Uno, telling him that this is how its gonna b, like M3 says, may work shock him into realising he can't get his way.

It is a very sorry state of affairs when a partner controls u bcos u r dependent on him, can u tell me, why r u together, bcos of the dependency or is there something else to your relationship? If nothing else, then u should seriously look into your options.

However, if u want to keep your marriage, then be careful about rocking the boat big time by telling him u r she's gonna stay.

26

I know! I even told him that, and that’s why I basically barricaded myself in one room for like a year! It was sooo freakin horrible. And it’s not like his brothers were too young. The first brother was 19 (and apparently married which neither of us found out until a couple of months ago–he wasnt living with his wife. she’s gori, all i can think is that it’s a visa thing).

This family is so strange. You know I’ve been married for 3 years and I don’t even know the phone number to his family’s home in Lahore? Can you imagine that?! And it’s not like I haven’t asked! It’s not like they don’t approve of me. They love me. I don’t get it.

27

I've tried to be very clear. We even brought our parents into this and his mother told him he was treating me poorly.

I was born in the states and my husband had been here since he was 16. So we met here.

28

Well, my parents and I had some rough times and they basically said I had to get married or leave. I couldn't support myself if I left (they kicked me out before). I wasn't a bad girl. I didn't mess around with guys or drink or anything. I just got really sick and subsequently got really depressed and they couldn't deal with it.

So my husband was the first guy they met who met their standards (having enough money and background), so I married him quickly.

I'm dependent on him because he supplies the medical insurance (I'm chronically seriously ill). And I can't support myself. I can't even barely walk right now because of a spinal injury, and I'm handicapped due to it.

There are times when he's supportive. And I tend to equate monetary support as love (paying for my food, shelter, etc). But I just can't help but feel that this isn't how it should be. I have a history of abuse in my life and I don't think I can discern what real love is.

I don't want a divorce. I want to stay with him and I want things to change. I just don't see how that's going to happen.

29

Re: Hubby changing his mind and making me sick

MS please. There are plenty of organizations that can and will help you become independent to the best of your ability...if you are a US citizen, this is all free of charge under the Social Security/disability laws of the land. There is no need to feel or to be dependent on this jerk (sorry). There are even "group homes" where you can live, where they help you find work that you are capable of doing, where you will receive assistance for whatever handicaps and medical conditions that you have. Cases like yours are the reason why we all pay so much in taxes yeah? I would SO love to know that MY tax money is going to help someone like you as opposed to a welfare-addict yeah? There is just SO MUCH available assistance out there....seek and ye shall find.

Timepass- May 2012
30

I thought about applying for disability, but I won't qualify because you have to have paid so much into social security to get it. I haven't worked enough because I'm only 23.

I was on medicaid before but they didn't cover enough of my medical issues.

I'm just holding out for something to happen. I was SO excited because I had been in school for esthetics until I had to drop out last week because my school has been discriminating against me because I'm handicapped. now I'm just hoping that my suit against the school will bring in some well needed money. I'm sick of people walking all over me and I'm sick of suffering for it. I've opened criminal charges against them through the state of ohio so I'm really holding out that I'll get some money from this now.

Timepass- May 2012
31

Re: Hubby changing his mind and making me sick

I think whatever you wrote in your first post, you need to tell him.

Time Out
32

If you've read it, you'd see that I have.

33

Re: Hubby changing his mind and making me sick

you already have too much going on in your life..and bringing your friend into your home at this time is not such a good idea..its like you are asking for trouble....

i wish you the best of luck, hope things work out for the best...prayers!

34

Yeah, but I'd rather deal with that then let her go into a bad situation. I've been in similar bad situations before and I couldn't let her go into one where she might experience what I have. My friends are more important to me than my own health.

35

Re: Hubby changing his mind and making me sick

MS he is just being an ABCD that about it.
I knew after read like 3 lines in you first post.

No offense ppl.

36

Re: Hubby changing his mind and making me sick

^ what has his attitude got anything to do with being an ABCD?

Polygamy or Adultery?
37

Re: Hubby changing his mind and making me sick

^aaaa
that is a very typical ABCD attitude.

38

Actually, I'm the ABCD one lol. He grew up in Pakistan.

39

That is the problem here.

40

Re: Hubby changing his mind and making me sick

hmmm
thats interesting, usually ppl from back home do have some courtesy.