HR NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES

IS · April 30, 2011, 10:04am

do u ever have notice like that

Dear STAFF ,
**Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to
raise the efficiency of our firm.
_______ _________ ______ ______ _________ _______ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___ **
1) TRANSPORTATION:
**It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.

a) If we see you driving a Camry, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we
assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.
c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore
you do not need a raise.
**
2) ANNUAL LEAVE :
**Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year ( Wow! said 1
employee).

They are called SUNDAYs.
**
3) LUNCH BREAK :
a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
b) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
maintain their average figure.
c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed
to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.
4) SICK DAYS:
**We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.

If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
**
5) TOILET USE :
**Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.
a) There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles.
b) At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll
will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken.
c) After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company
bulletin board under the “Chronic Offenders” category.
d) Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to
pay your salary.
**
**6) SURGERY : **
**As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs.

You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.

To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
**
7) INTERNET USAGE :
**All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted
from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges
will be deducted from your salary

Important Note: Charges applicable as 15 Rs per minute as we have
4MB connection.

Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary for
next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months
salary.

**Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,
irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations,
contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Decent_Munda · April 30, 2011, 10:10am

Re: HR NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES

perfect HR Admin

KKF · April 30, 2011, 10:17am

Re: HR NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES

hahaha...i'll bomb that place of work with eggs, rotten tomatoes and dog's you know what :D

IS · April 30, 2011, 10:18am

Re: HR NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES

kai aap apne HR dept ko fwd tu nai kar rahe

Decent_Munda · April 30, 2011, 10:20am

Re: HR NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES

M fwd to my phirend n HR will get a copy automatically ;)

LP · April 30, 2011, 10:41am

Re: HR NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES

i sooo hv to forward this to my csn in hr

jiia · April 30, 2011, 11:09am

Re: HR NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES

IS bhae ,abi to NOVEMBER bohat door hi ,abhi say asi baten SUJH rahi hen:omg:

IS · April 30, 2011, 12:59pm

Re: HR NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES

kyo NOv mai GS per koi HR ka Dept ban raha hay

jiia · April 30, 2011, 1:04pm

Re: HR NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES

DEPTAN ho sakti hi:5:

IS · April 30, 2011, 1:07pm

Re: HR NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES

liken wo HR nai CM ho gi

jiia · April 30, 2011, 1:18pm

Re: HR NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES

BARAY PLANS hennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn:faizy:

IS · April 30, 2011, 1:22pm

Re: HR NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES

ji mashaALLAH se bas aap duaoon mai yaad rakhiey ga

jiia · April 30, 2011, 1:27pm

Re: HR NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES

ah my past…baray bhae aik y ghazal suna kartay jab ap ki tara intazar mi the

tum aao**********naz ham saray otha len ge tum aao to sahe*****
pata nahe kis ki hi proper yaad nahi aa rahi

IS · April 30, 2011, 9:31pm

Re: HR NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES

intaha ho gai intazaaar ki …

jiia · May 1, 2011, 8:30am

Re: HR NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES

nahe vo bohat khobsurat ghazal hi ap suno to
oay han aik orr yad aa gae hi

AB K SAAL PONAM MI JB TO AE GI MILNE:lajawab:

Eshal_Raza · May 2, 2011, 4:45am

Re: HR NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES

We have got a wonderful HR department :)
But i am little worried about Internet Usage given my posting on GS :D