Okay what i’m interested in knowing is how can a person marry another person without knowing how they are really like. I am talking about those arranged marriages which have the person’s consent. I.E here’s a suitor, do you like him? Yes? - okay then let’s talk about a wedding.
Arranged marriages are all hyped up to be good yet i don’t fully grasp how and whyy ? I mean you don’t know if the person has to same likes/dislikes. All you know is that he has a good education, comes from a good family, etc. What happens if he turns out mean and disrespectful? Divorce, or be subjected to a loveless marriage? What happens if you get arranged married again (after divorce) and the same situation arises (spouse not meeting up to your expectations). Some people say that love comes after a marriage but howww? Some husbands are real *******s. Therefore is arranged marriage really that good?
At least in love marriage you get to know the person and spend time with the person. You have love which you take to the next level through marriage.
Four questions that I want answered:
How can love develop after a marriage?
Why are arranged marriages good ( aside from the fact that not only the good looking / confident peopl get married)?
Do you have/ would you want a love marriage or an arranged marriage? & how was your experience with that ( some hardships, good times, etc)?
if there is one reason arrange marriages are successful it is that people involved are willing to put effort to make it work and last, otherwise arrange marriage is not a magic word
Imo there is little difference between a 'love' and arranged marriage when we're talking about knowing the other person. I don't think you will ever know a person well enough until you've actually lived with that person. You might find that in a 'love' marriage the husband is a real BLEEP. So then we can ask the question are 'love' marriages really that good?
I believe love comes with time, understanding, respect, loyalty, etc. If these qualities are present in a marriage then I don't see why love wouldn't come. I also think you'll find that whether a person has a 'love' marriage or an arranged marriage, there will be hardships either way.
**Imo there is little difference between a 'love' and arranged marriage when we're talking about knowing the other person. **I don't think you will ever know a person well enough until you've actually lived with that person. You might find that in a 'love' marriage the husband is a real BLEEP. So then we can ask the question are 'love' marriages really that good?
I believe love comes with time, understanding, respect, loyalty, etc. If these qualities are present in a marriage then I don't see why love wouldn't come. I also think you'll find that whether a person has a 'love' marriage or an arranged marriage, there will be hardships either way.
and any marriage will only work if both adults are consenting and committed to making it work.
arranged or love becomes irrelevant in that case
Like She^ said , there is nothing like arrange or love marriage . One better be wise and active while saying 'yes' , or consequences might be same . So the key is to not to be lazy , and keep your eyes and ears open before you consent .
Plus loves come when you develop that level of comfort and trust . So the kinda 'love' we talk about before marriage is way different than the one after .
Sometimes, I just wonder after all the process of "knowing" each other and "loving" each other and almost hand-picking the spouse, what make couple divorce?
It is not the process used in hooking up and getting married which makes a marriage successful.
It is love , respect and understanding which does the trick. These can come before or after the marriage.
A marriage based on love has equal chance of failing because people in love put their best foot forward before marriage , but after the marriage they show their true colors.
Four questions that I want answered:
- How can love develop after a marriage?
It is my understanding that Allah develops and put love and affection after getting married. Our deen (Islam) strongly support the idea of romance after marriage with spouse.
- Why are arranged marriages good ( aside from the fact that not only the good looking / confident peopl get married)?
I strongly oppose arrange marriages without knowing each other. In my opinion, one should meet his/her possible spouse and communicate one or two time. But more than that is useless. If you cant click in those meeting its mean you need to go to another house for tea/make tea for another possible spouse.
Secondly, your parents are happy and feel little control on your life. :)
**- Do you have/ would you want a love marriage or an arranged marriage? & how was your experience with that ( some hardships, good times, etc)?
**My first two answers are clearly indicating my response. :@:
It's a different concept of love and marriage and commitment. The idea is that you both go in with the same commitment to making it work, of wanting to get to know one another and build a life together. And you renew that commitment in your mind everytime you have any conflict/tensions, and look for ways to compromise and grow together.
I think in the end all functional marriages (love and arranged) end up like this, since people grow and change. The longer you are in the marriage, the less it matters how you got there. What matters is how make it work together.
Okay what i'm interested in knowing is how can a person marry another person without knowing how they are really like. I am talking about those arranged marriages which have the person's consent. I.E here's a suitor, do you like him? Yes? - okay then let's talk about a wedding.
Arranged marriages are all hyped up to be good yet i don't fully grasp how and whyy ? I mean you don't know if the person has to same likes/dislikes. All you know is that he has a good education, comes from a good family, etc. What happens if he turns out mean and disrespectful? Divorce, or be subjected to a loveless marriage? What happens if you get arranged married again (after divorce) and the same situation arises (spouse not meeting up to your expectations). Some people say that love comes after a marriage but howww? Some husbands are real *******s. Therefore is arranged marriage really that good?
At least in love marriage you get to know the person and spend time with the person. You have love which you take to the next level through marriage.
Four questions that I want answered:
- How can love develop after a marriage?
- Why are arranged marriages good ( aside from the fact that not only the good looking / confident peopl get married)?
- Do you have/ would you want a love marriage or an arranged marriage? & how was your experience with that ( some hardships, good times, etc)?
In an arranged marriage, you get to veiw the person in context of their family and part of the bigger picture so to speak. In a love marriage, you get to know the person but you might not get to know their family until things are very serious... after you get married, you're no longer bf/gf, you're part of each others families, and that reality may be very different from the person you knew before marriage... Not saying that one is more likely to end in divorce, but once you sign those nikkah papers, it doesn't evne matter if it was love or arranged....it's up to you to make the marriage work.
the families usually get along well b/c that is what is looked at first in arranged marriages, along with education,how strong the guy is financially, looks/attraction b/c all these things tend to cause problems in the future
Why are arranged marriages good ( aside from the fact that not only the good looking / confident peopl get married)?
Do you have/ would you want a love marriage or an arranged marriage? & how was your experience with that ( some hardships, good times, etc)?**
Ideally there should be some sort of little spark or attraction in an arranged setup.. then hopefully love should grow from that..
Arranged tends to have more advantages when looking at it in the context of family.. if there's going to be a lot of family mingling and involvement for years down the line obviously it makes sense for them to all be compatible etc. Something that often isn't as easy if you've found your own partner from an environment outside your parents' social circle..
**At least in love marriage you get to know the person and spend time with the person. **You have love which you take to the next level through marriage.
A lot of ppl in arranged matches nowadays can get to know each other as well..
