How?

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: How?

I like Jolie's idea. Tutor kids and teach them English...it would keep you busy and your mind occupied.

22

Re: How?

ufff i dono-

jolie- yes i had soo many plans to tutor and work and so forth, but since being here ive just hated every minute of it that nothing motivates me anymore.sounds sad. i never thought be this unmotivated....i just dnt want to work here. tutoring at home i could do, but i have a 10month old and to be hones, my mil is the meethi choori type whol say oh course go and workto my face but tell the world im a bad mother who left her kid to work and how she at her age and illness has to cope with a baby blah blah.. so not worth it.

anyways i did have a talk to him. he saidtry to remember me in uk i was te same. even then u used to say lets go here an there, u know im not the type to go out even when i was single i never even went out, im a homebody and its not personal. even today my sis had to ask few times and then she got angry and told dad. i had to go and tel her i was joking, il take her, but thing is i onky go out if someone makes me, she needed clothes sown for eid as mum said so i had to go take her,

he also said he tris to balance his relationship, i said i dnt feel it, he said ur just being emotional. he said if i take u out, i will also take them out, not always together, but how will sis feel if i take u out and when she asks me i say no? so im tryn to balance.....

hmmmm i dono. he was gentle in explanations but i guess he was the same in uk, i just feel it more here.

23

Re: How?

because you are alone here and not able to go on your own. (assuming this was possible back in uk) ..

24

Re: How?

i said i feel like i come after ur family, like after ur mum dad sis and bro....mum dad yes i understand. but wife should be there too. at the top, beofre his sis. he said i am. hmmmm he said im just being stupid and emotional. maybe. i dono.

25

Re: How?

yes. thas it.

but what to do. hes not emotional like me. he doesnt think the way we do, i do. i told him i think theres a gap between us, emotionally etc, he laughed and said there isnt im just thinking too much. he was understanding but just dnt think he gets it.

26

Re: How?

You have said what you had on your heart. Your husband seems to be a guy of few words and perhaps not as emotional as you. I think thats pretty common among desi guys.

I think too you're being a bit overly emotional and I think that is due to your hormons and loneliness.

My only suggestion is that spend time with your daughter, with your personal work and with ibaadat. Really you are pregnant, you should just relax. Dont go around trying to please everybody. If you wanna do any work for the inlaws, do it from the heart, dont do it to be appreciated and praised, because it seems your ils are short of words and MIL is typical. If you cant do the work from heart, dont do it at all. Why do something and then feel awful, neglected and used afterwards?

27

Re: How?

mgt b he is doing this all ... kal behen ne tou apne ghar chale jana hai ....thn u will b everywhere things lik tht u wont get it agar ap bhai hoti kese behen ki then u will get it . no1 can define it in words so u shd jst calm down wait for her to get married ...thn he will b all urs.

28

Re: How?

thing is his mum. if he does take me out, we cant spend too much time out, she will often say thngs. dnt think she likes us spending time togehter out, he knows that or must feel it, cos she says things, shes never encouraged us to spend time out, and will often just look displeased if we say we are going anywhere. this he feels, so he doesnt ask me much i feel like im losing time with my husband just cos his mum dont like it.

29

Re: How?

are you guys even serious?

Nadz, nobody can help you but yourself! somethin is lacking in your relationship with yr husband that is making you feel this way or i am sorry maybe you are just an insecure person. You have to know he is your husband but also somebodys son, brother, cousin, friend, etc etc. He’s not a toy you can keep for yourself and feel bad about sharing with others :halo:.

You are his wife and you have such an importance place, role in his life. Don’t let other distractions take away from it. Be happy that he is good with his family. He has been with his family all his life, way longer than you both have been together. Admire the love and respect he has for his family, it only shows good character. If he can be good with them only then you can hope he will be good with you too. I don’t understand how anyone can be good with their wives if they are unable to be good with their families firt with whom they have spent all their life till avg 25-30 years atleast.

Why are you guys telling nadz that once his sister gets married, she can have him all to herself? WHY? After marriage will the sister-brother relationship become any less? Why can’t you make her understand that every relationship has its place. Next you will know, she complains about her kids getting more attention from her husband than herself. There will be no end to this!

Nadz, you are going to be a mother of two kids in few months iA, please do some growing up quickly before it gets out of hands. That’s a sincere advice for you! No matter how much whinning you do, he IS gonna stay his mother’s son and his sister’s bro whether you like it or not so better learn to live with it.

Goodluck :k:

30

Re: How?

^
@ZareenKhan - So wait? she is a toy that he can have all for himself? She has left everything behind for him and moved to a country completely foreign to her. That's a way bigger sacrifice than anything he has ever done for her.

31

Re: How?

i agree zareen- if only words were easier to put into practice.

theorist- i agree with u too, but i do feel like i agreed to moving to pak before the marriage, he asked me because thats his plan and i agreed. he did say we will move back after 3 years but then we had a hiugggeee fight last week and in anger he said we aint going back....not sure if i should bring it up now and ask.

32

Re: How?

Well no! she has her responsibilities towards her parents too, infact her husband has too towards his inlaws. Nobody is denying that and no she is not a toy either. And if she was being treated like one, she wouldnt have been going to uk for her delievery.

33

Re: How?

Nadz - unfortunately, you don't have much of a choice right now. You are stuck there for however long you said. Just try to be happy! for a few months, let things go. Find something to do that makes you happy. I was being really jealous too and instead of feeling sorry for myself, I took that energy and invested my time in something else. It takes more energy to be angry and hate someone. Believe me when you are happy, your husband will be even happier and might even change his mind. If you can't do that, you will be miserable for as long as you are there. Make that time count for yourself!

34

Re: How?

yeh i am going uk next month end of next month for 6monhs...thank goodnesss....they dont want me to, neither does hubby, but hey, i win this one.

35

Re: How?

So you're not going to be there for your SILs wedding?.. Thats weird of your Ils to have it there

36

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[EMAIL="^@nadz[/MENTION]"]^[MENTION=14995]nadz- Good for you! :)

37

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I wonder how many years ZK has been in a relationship in her young life to be so insightful?

38

Re: How?

Funny thing he just said- When i said theres a gap forming between us i feel it, i feel distant etc etc etc he said no its all in ur head etc etc anyway he then said

nadz how do you think we are having 2 kids and we only married 2 years.....i think many would think we are too close he found this joke hilarious. typcial man thinking sex is it. tsk tsk.

39

Re: How?

Come now Stoppits, having a relationship with one's Barbie and Ken dolls is as real as one makes it and can last FOREVER! :)

40

Re: How?

whats weird. no it was set a year ago-her wedding date. her inlaws are really pestering to just get on with it. and my preg was announced in may this year. so not their fault and im just glad to be going.