Suppose u r looking for a girl for ur son or brother. So u ask ppl to refer u good rishtas . now when someone recommends u a girl wat kind of questions u might ask to that person? would u ask general questions or dig out whole family history.
same when u go vsit the family what kind of observations u make other than her looks. would u make a single visit n reach a decision or make several visits n hav extra meetings with the girl ? Same if u decide not to chose her wat kind of excuse/s would u make?
i hav a friend who has ocassionally asked me for good girls. but when i actually tell her she aks like tons of questions b4 meeting them n mostly i find her questions a lil too harsh. but then she’s already a mil so may b more experienced n seasoned now.
I dunno but his rishta thing looks hard to me.
Re: How would u do it?
i think you should make several visits before you decide that this girl is it..this way both families can get comfortable with one another. also, the girl and guy should have some alone time so they get to know each other better. actually, i personally feel that after the families approve each other, the girl and guy should get to know each other for atleast a month or two, so they get a better idea of each others likes/dislikes, good/bad habits etc. afterall, THEY are the ones getting married.
Re: How would u do it?
i'm all in favour of girl/guy knowing n feeling comfy with each other.
i also agree they should b introduced only after elders r totally satisfied. coz in our arranged marriage culture moms/ big sisters pick the girl only to find later they made the wrong choice.
But wat kind of questions u'll ask n how far actually u go digging ?
Re: How would u do it?
you have to keep couple of things in mind.
is your brother/son looking for a house wife, or a working one?
and then ask the girl about her education and which schools did she go to?
ask her her hobbies, to see whether in a long run is she gonna keep up with u (the saas/nand) or will cut your son/brother from your entire family.
the last point is the most important point, cuz if she wont gonna keep up with u guys then her beauty and education is pointless for u.
Re: How would u do it?
appearance shouldnt even be talked about... me thinks.
Ask about the educate, family, and stuff like that.... and then let the guy and girl talk things over..
Re: How would u do it?
I wouldnt ask a million questions upfront. I know things that are crucial for bhai to have in a wife so I'd maybe ask those things and then I'd leave the rest for the both of them to discuss. I think a few meetings of the families are important, not just one.
Re: How would u do it?
Your questions should be about her education, family background, expectations, caste, siblings, goals in life, etc...if these things are important to you. Meaning if you're looking for a girl:
Where does she live? Does she plan on living there or is she willing to relocate?
Where did she go to school, graduate and what was her major?
Is she working? Does she want to work or stay home after marriage?
What is her family name? Are they Sunni Syeds? (Ive met a lot of ppl who find this very important for themselves)
How many brothers and sisters does she have and what do they do?
What do her parents do?
What kind of match are they looking for?
The rest you can tailor to your personal preferences and figure out but this should give you an idea.
In order to fairly judge a person, several visits are necessary. Its not possible to assess compatibility on one meeting unless there are some very obvious differences either party may not be comfortable with. Its better to meet a couple of times and then let the boy and girl talk to each other to see if there is chemistry between them. If there is, great. If not, no big deal.
If you want to dismiss someone...simply say "Im sorry but I dont believe the two are compatible" and move on.
Re: How would u do it?
^off topic, but i never understood this whole sunni syed deal. Are they supposedly descendants of Holy Prophet? who don't want to mix with us inferior muslims and adulterate their blood line? haha, if this is true, they probably have to be the biggest rtards around.
Re: How would u do it?
Its rumored they are descendants of the Holy Prophet but I dont know how much truth there is to that. Ive just always heard that question asked in such situations.
All the questions about family background and education, etc. should be directed to the family prior to meeting the girl. When speaking to her, you just need to have a normal conversation and see where it goes and how she handles that. Ask her what she likes to do in her free-time, interests, etc.
Your questions should be about her education, family background, expectations, caste, siblings, goals in life, etc...if these things are important to you. Meaning if you're looking for a girl:
Where does she live? Does she plan on living there or is she willing to relocate?
Where did she go to school, graduate and what was her major?
Is she working? Does she want to work or stay home after marriage?
What is her family name? Are they Sunni Syeds? (Ive met a lot of ppl who find this very important for themselves)
How many brothers and sisters does she have and what do they do?
What do her parents do?
What kind of match are they looking for?
The rest you can tailor to your personal preferences and figure out but this should give you an idea.
In order to fairly judge a person, several visits are necessary. Its not possible to assess compatibility on one meeting unless there are some very obvious differences either party may not be comfortable with. Its better to meet a couple of times and then let the boy and girl talk to each other to see if there is chemistry between them. If there is, great. If not, no big deal.
If you want to dismiss someone...simply say "Im sorry but I dont believe the two are compatible" and move on.
thanks u gav me gud list to ask for.
but the last part"u two r not compatible" whoo thats the hard part. i might just run away or ask my hubby to do it :)
Re: How would u do it?
^ hunh????
where did u get this that sunni syed are shia? :|
Re: How would u do it?
oh sorry not sunni syed i misread it mostly syeds r shia i wanted to say.. those who add syed or shah to their names.
Re: How would u do it?
is it...you mean syed and shah are shia
Re: How would u do it?
I'd ask for the girl's facebook first!
Re: How would u do it?
Personally, I dont find the Sunni Syed thing to be important...Ive just always heard parents and aunties talk about it. In the US, no one cares anymore or at least I dont.
All the questions about family background and education, etc. should be directed to the family prior to meeting the girl. When speaking to her, you just need to have a normal conversation and see where it goes and how she handles that. Ask her what she likes to do in her free-time, interests, etc.
ya dont bother to ask the girl only had her grade 12, FSc, or A-level done.
otherwise, if she has done her bachelors than discuss qualifications with her cuz she is one who did it and not her parents
and if parents are the one who answering all these questions then it shows that girl is highly depends on her parents, and chances her will keep depending on em even after getting marrying.
Re: How would u do it?
^ Actually parents encourage girls to stay quiet and let them do the talking. It doesnt mean they are dependant zobia.
Personally, I dont find the Sunni Syed thing to be important...Ive just always heard parents and aunties talk about it. In the US, no one cares anymore or at least I dont.
whats the difference between sunni and shia....i know it will sound stupid but reallly i dont know the diffence...once i asked my aunt and than she said we are sunni, real muslims but shia are not
Re: How would u do it?
in my experience THE most thing one should look in a arranged marriage, when you meet other family, how easily you people can communicate or mingle quickly and easily! Cause if thats positive there will be very few surprises afterwards and they will get along very easily.
look for family setup/environment similarity, then off course education , the girl herself and lastly give sometime to boy and girl together to talk about rest of the things.