how to talk to husband

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: how to talk to husband

Hello ....
I would say ... What worse could happen if he goes? Just request him politely that you also want tp join the trip and would be thankful if he can take u guys with him ... But plz request and don't push... May Allah help you . with love you can conquer his heart.

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Re: how to talk to husband

I wonder if the way you have expressed this reflects his way of thinking:
staying with family = staying in one place, responsibilities, obligation, work
travel alone = enjoyment and fun

You two have to redefine what you're life and time together is about. Of course husbands/wives/parents have obligations and responsibilities. But sometimes we forget that there should be more to the relationship. He should WANT to be with you, as you should with him. A little time apart is great, but just traveling alone for long periods of time without a specific reason just doesn't make sense to me. He seems to be putting you and his family life in a box and not acknowledging the potential fun and enjoyment in his time with you all. Also he may feel like he is only husband/father and forgets that he can be himself with you, as more than just husband/father, just as you can be more than just wife/mother. It's important to cultivate and share your whole self.

Also, a 2.5yo won't remember these vacations most likely, but he will enjoy exploring and sharing new experiences with his parents. These will build a strong foundation for him in life and in his relationship with you two.

23

Re: how to talk to husband

What he is doing on these long vacations all by himself? ........ Is he going there with his buddies ?.......... Why he wants to go all alone on vacations " without a family " to begin with?

If he is not talking to you then you don't talk to him also ... just ignore ...

24

Re: how to talk to husband

May be because she is a human being too, wants to enjoy & deserves to have vacations with her family every now & then .......

25

Re: how to talk to husband

Book a ticket to Maldives and tell him to babysit the baby this time :cool:

26

Re: how to talk to husband

a lot of things bug me about your situation but the i can't seem to get this statment out of my mind. Why would you pay for your vacation and he pays for his...werer you not married at that time???? Husband and wife shoudnt separate expenses on a vacation.

My husband plans to visit few places with his buddies when they turn 40, and maybe go to the next superbowl ...something they came up with and i am totally ok with that. But a trip alone doesn't make sense at all. I have been married for 3.5 year and have a toddler too...travling is harder with them but not impossible. We look for place they will enjoy.

Even the first trip you described sounds like something you husband planned and manipulated. I find this VERY odd.

I would stay strong on my point, ignore his silence and tell him NO vacation without family.

27

Re: how to talk to husband

Don't let him go. A man who keeps finding excuses to go places for "fun" without his wife and child will never stop making excuses.
If a man wants to spend time with his family he won't care if he has one baby or six. And if a man doesn't want to, Even one child or pregnant wife will deter him to go on vacations with.

Just curious ; sometimes Ive noticed men tend to behave this way because they feel guilty their parents aren't going on vacations or having fun. Hence they feel like they shouldn't do the same with their wife and children. And the only leeway is to go alone. Is that the case here?

But I repeat, don't give him ijazat to go alone. And try to convince him nicely that you three need to spend time together as a family and make memories. Don't be rude about it, but now and then try to do things together as a family .

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Re: how to talk to husband

This whole situation sounds so wierd. Even if the child is really young (which he is not) they still see places learn things. A 2.5 year olds mind is developing in a million ways, it's a new experience for them travelling in a bus or a train, seeing different sights, museums whatever. And 2.5 year old talk, say words, learn the names of things everyday. My husband talks about this memory he has from when he was 3 and he went to Ireland with his parents and they fed the ducks and that it was cold, and he remembers that. Even if they don't remember it they see pictures from past trips and then feel good about that.

Ok apart from the baby business, ur not 2.5 years old, and u will remember the trip! Isn't that reason enough to go. When u have kids and u travel, ur taking a trip as a family, if the baby will remember or not is not the point, ur taking a trip cuz ur taking a trip! What difference does it make if the baby's travelling with u. U the parents are taking the trip because u want to and the baby's comig along because he's ur baby! My husband and I infact wanted to take a trip BECAUSE kids under 2 travel free! We were glad we took it. My daughter was 1.5years, and she enjoyed it! She loved universal studios, she took all the rides that she was allowed in. The rest we just did child swap. They have a waiting room at the end of the line where one parent sits with the child and one takes the ride, then the other parent sits and the other takes the ride! Great for parents with young children. We didn't go to Disney land because she was too young to enjoy it. But all in all it was not a useless trip for her or us. Since when is any trip useless, u always build memories together.

So basically tell him u don't care if the baby remembers, u want to go cuz ull remember it. Btw is it that he thinks ull take hours to get out in the morning and he'll miss out on sight seeing. Or ur lugging too much stuff around for the baby and it impedes his travelling experience. Well the lugging around u can't change, u can try to minimize it. But getting out on time every morning u can assure him that ull manage it well and he doesn't have to worry about missing out on stuff. Unless he's worried he'll miss out on clubbing. So if he's actually going for sight seeing then he'll have no problem taking u guys along. If he's actually going for the singles experience then thats where the problem lies. Ask him to be truthful, is the reason for not taking u guys that he actually wants to be away from u, or is it really that the baby won't remember.

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Re: how to talk to husband

Ok then in this case try to reach to a situation where one trip he takes with you and the next trip he can go all by himself.
i don't get this that why a married man or woman cant go on vacation alone if he/she likes it that way. this doesn't imply that they have some hidden plans or they are cheating their spouses or anything like few of the posters here are suggesting.
not every individual follows the norms of the society, some individuals are wired differently. so if the idea of your husband to seek pleasure is to travel alone i don't know why is this so wrong.
yes he should consider your needs too and should travel with you too but wanting him not to go alone on vacations ever seems unfair on him.

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Re: how to talk to husband

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we both were working at that time and he came up with the travel alone plan. i asked him that we should go together , he made an excuse that he doesn`t have enough money so we divided the expenditure and each paid 50%.

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Re: how to talk to husband

thank you all for your time and suggestions. i agree with you all
he should WANT to spend time with me and the kid and not consider it a compulsion. this is what hurts me a lot. after a love marriage , knowing each other for a long time. fighting with families to get married. this is what it has come to. he is not talking to me since the night we fought. he is being selfish and childish but i think he was selfish all along only i didnt know. whenever he does something for me and/or the baby he always mentions is like its a ehsaan. even in our fight he said i did this and that for u. i told him that , that is what husbands/fathers do. but he will never understand if he doesn`t want to.

32

Re: how to talk to husband

maybe you are right. he is not happy. or maybe he thinks he is bound or constrained with a wife and a kid.

33

Re: how to talk to husband

i can`t say for sure ,how can i know?

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Re: how to talk to husband

this is what i asked him. that i want to go to US too should i go? he said sure i wont stop you. i said i will leave the baby with you , he said “you know woh tumharay bagair nahi rehta”

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Re: how to talk to husband

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you are right , the baby will enjoy even if he doesnt remember. he knows me very well. it hardly takes me 10-15 mins to get myself and baby ready. i have even packed for him in less than 5 mins. so he is not worried about missing on things. me and baby just came back home after a month we spent at my moms place(in another city) so he had plenty of alone time.

36

Re: how to talk to husband

If he had plenty of alone time, a month is a lot, by the end of it or even middle of it dads are more than ready to have their baby back home cuz they miss cuddling with them or even just having them around. After this piece of information I can't think of any reason for him to take a vacation alone. If ur not strapped for cash (like really strapped) then I think u should go as a family. And if u r short on money then no one should go. Because if u don't have enuf for everyone to travel then in my opinion u don't have enough, theres no second wierd option of just the guy going. And I always think of ppl who travel alone for a sight seeing trip, it must be really boring to not be able to share it with someone, anyone, a friend, a sibling, ur parents, hell even colleagues if ur going on a work trip. I have never heard of a desi guy ditching his family to go on a sight seeing trip alone.

37

how to talk to husband

I think this isn't about vacations. Its about him not considering you & the baby his responsibility.

  • u spend your pregnancy alone, not his problem.

  • u both do go to a vacation but spend separately .. More like 2 vacations, not his responsibility again.

  • Repeatedly, he makes vacation plans without you both... Not his responsibility again

What i feel is that he has lived without you both for enough time that he doesn't consider you both his responsibility specially when you can manage your finances & live without him .. And he can live on his own in another country happily too.

When i was in Pakistan, my husband wanted to visit Germany for a couple of days. I wanted to visit Germany too but i gave him his space to enjoy alone as many men have the need to have some independence. I knew he was lonely while i was in Pakistan and a few happy vacation days wouldnt hurt. When i returned he planned a trip to France himself. Its good to give space but not so much that you can both happily live without each other.

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Re: how to talk to husband

Hope its not true. But do you see any neglect in his daily routine ? Some men do have couple of relationships going on at the same time. Hopefully not true, but his monitoring his daily routine and his behaviour will make u judge this.

39

Re: how to talk to husband

No one can make your husband want to spend time with you unless he really wants to himself. At the end of your alone time, he will once again be looking for an escape...a way out thinking he is trapped.

The other thing I would also ask you to remember is a love marriage doesn't mean diddly squat when it comes to knowing someone. You never know someone entirely until you live with them and get to know them that way. So no, you never knew this man to begin with to be surprised now.

Lastly...........please understand that at the end of the day..........he is a MAN. A man does not change his chemistry after marriage.....he still very much stays a man. He might put a ring on, pick up his dirty socks sometimes and stop cursing - but he is still a man.

That being said...you might want to consider finding out what will keep him at home. He is not bound to you...no one is. A marriage contract isn't stopping him from planning vacations, escaping from you and the baby or keeping him close and it won't stop him when and if he finds someone else. What will? Some men are great at keeping themselves in check but some are not.

Stop being a wife for this guy...he doesn't like it.

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Re: how to talk to husband

how can i stop being a wife Reha?