I have been married for more than 4 years now. I have a son 2.5 yrs old.My husband told me that he wants to go visit a few countries on his own for a month. This has not happened for the first time. earlier when i was pregnant, he was working out of country for a year and he made plan to visit european countries from there in the 1 month holidays he will get in the year.we had a huge fight and i told him that he is needed as i spent almost all of my pregnancy alone with in laws while he was out of country and now that e is getting one month leave , he should come stay with me. khair long story short , he was very upset that he couldnt go. he ended up getting 2 months leave and we went on a vacation for 9 days(i paid for my expenses and he paid for his). he then went for Umrah with his family for 12 days and from there he called me and asked if he could go visit another country X for the rest of the vacations. i said ok as he told me that this is the only chance that he will ever get. he wont be able to travel once baby is born and bla bla. in short i fell to the emotional black mailing.i was 7 months pregnant at that time and really wanted to spend as much time with him as possible as he would be returning to his work abroad and would not be coming until after the baby is born and he went for his travel. now he has made another plan. this time he is saying that baby is too small to enjoy visiting so that would be a waste of money. i told him he cant do this every 2 ,3 years. he said he couldnt go to europe as per his original plan so the visit to the other country X didnt count. i am really hurt and upset. i told him no as he is never satisfied . even after this visit he will say "oh i couldnt do this or that". so whats the point in going? also i told him we are a family , why is he always making plans on his own. now after last night`s fight he has stopped talking to me. wat should i do?
Re: how to talk to husband
stick to ur point, ignore his silence. Give his food, clothes etc of routine in time. but dnt let urself get down this time. Good luck.
Re: how to talk to husband
But why is this unacceptable to you if he wants to travel alone and enjoy every 2,3 years?
Re: how to talk to husband
2.5 yrs old is not too small, you go with him and take the kid along.
Re: how to talk to husband
Yeahh, I think you should all go for vacation together. And the kid is 2 and a half, that is NOT too young. He needs to spend time with his child so that they can develop that lovely parent-child bond.
Re: how to talk to husband
It's worrying that his dream vacation is to be away from his wife and young child. It's one thing to want to go on a weekend trip with your buddies, but wanting to spend a whole month away is a bit much.
Sorry for the blunt q, but was your husband mentally prepared for marriage and children? It seems like he is just overwhelmed. How is your relationship with your husband? Were you close before your son was born? Did you go on vacations together when it was just the two of you?
What he is asking for is certainly selfish and immature, but I think the heart of the problem is that he is lonely. Women sometimes get so wrapped up in a baby, that they forget their husband needs attention and love too. Not saying you're doing this, but it's something to think about.
Don't get mad at him - it will only make him grow more distant. Try to make time for just the two of you whenever you can. As for the vacation, you can certainly travel with a 2.5 year old. I'm sure the time spent together as a family will be good for your relationship.
Re: how to talk to husband
my analysis is that he has set this in his mind that it is not necessary to take his wife and children to foreign trips and will do it regardless of fact his wife is pregnant or his wife is upset or if his wife needs him. It just isn't there is in mind that what he is doing is not wrong and if you will push him further on this he will not think twice on leaving you. I am 100% sure that he will go without you again and he does not give a zilch of what you feel or want.
it's a tough situation to be in and i can understand how much it must be hurting you but there is nothing you can do to change this. ignore all this , if he wants to go let him go because your tears will also not stop him.
if he is a good husband otherwise make compromise with this situation for your own peace of mind.
and one more thing i also find this very fishy , is there something he is hiding in europe ?
Re: how to talk to husband
But why is this unacceptable to you if he wants to travel alone and enjoy every 2,3 years?
i would like to spend time with him as a family. i want a strong bond between him and my baby. want him to consider the fact that he has responsibilities and he can`t just leave his family to travel for enjoyment.
Re: how to talk to husband
2.5 yrs old is not too small, you go with him and take the kid along.
this is what i said. but he says the baby will not enjoy anything so it will be a waste of money. we can take him along when he gets older
Re: how to talk to husband
I think he's just making excuses because he doesn't want to go as a family. This could be due to various reasons: Money? Can he afford a trip for all 3 of you? Is he going with friends? etc. Personally I'd tell him to pick a spot which the baby will also enjoy if he thinks whatever X spot he has in mind isn't suitable for the baby.
I've been to most places in EU and having a 2,5 year old obviously requires a bit of more planning but is not impossible as he's making it out to.
Re: how to talk to husband
It's worrying that his dream vacation is to be away from his wife and young child. It's one thing to want to go on a weekend trip with your buddies, but wanting to spend a whole month away is a bit much.
Sorry for the blunt q, but was your husband mentally prepared for marriage and children? It seems like he is just overwhelmed. How is your relationship with your husband? Were you close before your son was born? Did you go on vacations together when it was just the two of you?
What he is asking for is certainly selfish and immature, but I think the heart of the problem is that he is lonely. Women sometimes get so wrapped up in a baby, that they forget their husband needs attention and love too. Not saying you're doing this, but it's something to think about.
Don't get mad at him - it will only make him grow more distant. Try to make time for just the two of you whenever you can. As for the vacation, you can certainly travel with a 2.5 year old. I'm sure the time spent together as a family will be good for your relationship.
it is indeed worrying me that why his enjoyment = no wife and kid
i am not sure if he was ready to marry and have a kid. mine was a love marriage . we knew each other for about 8 years before getting married. but it seems like i don`t know him at all. maybe the 1 year he spent abroad for work is the reason. we did go to a vacation when i was pregnant. i would not say that you are totally wrong in saying he maybe lonely but i do try to give him time. baby is very demanding and sometimes it becomes hard to even talk in the house.
Re: how to talk to husband
my analysis is that he has set this in his mind that it is not necessary to take his wife and children to foreign trips and will do it regardless of fact his wife is pregnant or his wife is upset or if his wife needs him. It just isn't there is in mind that what he is doing is not wrong and if you will push him further on this he will not think twice on leaving you. I am 100% sure that he will go without you again and he does not give a zilch of what you feel or want.
it's a tough situation to be in and i can understand how much it must be hurting you but there is nothing you can do to change this. ignore all this , if he wants to go let him go because your tears will also not stop him.
if he is a good husband otherwise make compromise with this situation for your own peace of mind.
and one more thing i also find this very fishy , is there something he is hiding in europe ?
this time he wants to go to some other countries not europe.
Re: how to talk to husband
Can someone babysit the baby for a weekend so that the two of you can have some time alone?
Re: how to talk to husband
[quote="Arzi, post:29, topic:305573"]
Can someone babysit the baby for a weekend so that the two of you can have some time alone?/QUOTE
no there is no one to babysit the baby for that long. what difference would that make even if i leave the baby with someone and we have alone time. i don`t think he will stop making his travel plans. i think he will say, now i have given you time ,now i am going to XYZ place on my own.
Re: how to talk to husband
My reply was in regards to your post about you not being able to give your husband enough time as Baby is demanding. Husbands are big babiess - and some of them want your undivided attention. Your husband excuses in the first post does indicate he's being a big baby with the 'oh I couldn't do that so this doesn't count'. I guess a weekend alone maybe could bring him onto other thoughts but obviously you know him best.
Re: how to talk to husband
Why does he want to travel alone? 
He’s a married man with kids, why doesn’t he make travel plans involving his family? Seems really weird to me.
Re: how to talk to husband
this is what i said. but he says the baby will not enjoy anything so it will be a waste of money. we can take him along when he gets older
well I think he is wrong, babies do enjoy outing with their parents a lot, and he is in an age, where he will.. mines is the same age and madame likes going out ...his excuse now and then baby # 2 will come along, then u will be either pregnant or baby too small again, when kids are grown up, he will say its to expensive to take all along.
I think he doesnt see ur needs, u need a vacation too! tell him, if he needs one, u need one too and u want to see x country, so he better find a way to take u all along.
Re: how to talk to husband
sryope: So I take it your husband has not taken you/baby on a vacation for 2/5 years (since baby was born). After the wedding, BEFORE the baby was born…..did he take you on vacations then? Did he ever talk about traveling on his own BEFORE the baby was born?
Re: how to talk to husband
woho...somebody needs to inform him already that he is a married man, high time he stops acting like a single guy! I am not saying that married people dont have the right to pursue their ambitions or to be adventorous but he shouldnt be making all his plans alone without wanting his family to be part of those plans. That really doesnt seem ok, is there something not right about your relationship? is he not happy with you? maybe you two need to sit down and discuss this.
Re: how to talk to husband
Really REALLY fishy! I would open my eyes! For me it doesn't sound right AT ALL him making plans as a single man once that he is married and have a kid.
If i were you i would make sure that there are no second plans under these real plans he is making.
I know A LOT of pakistani married men that have outside marriage relationship online, and then meet with those woman in diff countries every once in a while.....