How to say NO to a rishta?

Lifestyle Relationships
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I need help plz. For two weeks I have been communicating with a guy from interstate for marriage purposes (we were introduced and out families were aware of the communication which was mainly through fb and short phone conversations). The purpose of the communication was to get to know each other a bit before he came over. So he came over today and…my family and I all agree he is not suitable for me. He is a nice guy but his English isn’t that great (we were communicating in Urdu) and I don’t feel that he is someone who I can live with forever. In addition I am not attracted to him physically at all and I can’t look past that :frowning: my family agrees. Now the problem is we do not know how to say no as this is the first rishta I have seen. We feel awful because it cost him over USD $800 to fly down to meet us (for which my parents are going to reimburse him) and I feel even worse because after he left he sent me a text along the lines of ‘you are as beautiful as I expected…what do you think?’ which I did not respond to because I don’t want to lead him on. He then texts me 2 hours later asking if anything is wrong and that before coming he prepared himself for anything so if I need to say anything at all I can. I just replied with a ‘sorry I feel sick. Have a good night’ because I don’t know if I should be the one to tell him because I don’t want him to ask me why I don’t agree etc. How do we say no now? I don’t feel that my parents need to offer an explanation but that a simple ‘we don’t think you are right for our daughter’ will do.

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Re: How to say NO to a rishta?

did u not see a picture of him before you met?

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Re: How to say NO to a rishta?

Ask your parents to contact his parents with a simple phone call or email?

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Re: How to say NO to a rishta?

You met him for the first time, he doesn't speak English and because of that you think he is not someone who you can live with forever?

Seriously??

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Re: How to say NO to a rishta?

^ Hadeel surely communication is very important in a marriage esp if english is the OP's first language ( like mine I learnt english before urdu - although me and my parents regret it )

Also her parents also agree and we have no right to question her parents opinions

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Re: How to say NO to a rishta?

Unless they're pressuring her to say yes....then we have all the right to question.

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Re: How to say NO to a rishta?

In this situation as the parents agree with the girls wishes why should we questions the parents opinion as the girls view seems reasonable?

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Re: How to say NO to a rishta?

Im jus sayin...that's the first time I've ever heard someone say that here in life1, that we don't have the right to question a parents judgment.

Anyways, you don't like him you don't like him, gal khatam. It's not that difficult and a person shouldn't be guilted into saying yes.

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Re: How to say NO to a rishta?

Ok, I am really confused as to what the actual problem is now. Is it that OP wants to know how her parents should reject the rishta? Or OP herself wants to know how to reject the guy?

From what I read, I take it OP is definitely not going to agree to this (so this is not the issue). The guy seems nice, but not attractive enough or able to speak English; and that is the reason for saying no.

So you want to know how to let him down gently? If this is the case, urm....I think you kind of did so in your text to him.

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Re: How to say NO to a rishta?

Ask your parents to call him and say NO to him asap so that he stops bothering you. Don't feel guilty about anything. You can't marry someone only because he likes you.

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Re: How to say NO to a rishta?

i think when parents + child agree on something? we shouldnt come in between.

It is when parents + child disagree i think we can say our opinions as we are invited to come in between? if that makes sense?

OP cant you just text him and say 'i think it will not work out but i wish you the best of luck'

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Re: How to say NO to a rishta?

I agree. But the OP did state that they had short phone conversations and fb communication. I'm sure she would have known that he wasn't good at English or whatever. I think its not very wise to say that you cant live with a person because he doesn't speak the language you speak fluently.

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Re: How to say NO to a rishta?

^ Maybe there were other things that they didn't like?

Unfortunately someone's going to get hurt but its a part of life.

At least I hope the OP learns from this, do NOT start communicating with someone when you don't even know what htey look like. It's not shallow to want to know how someone looks and if the person says its shallow....thats code for "physically unattractive" (because Im assuming that the guy didn't show his picture....and thats why he was so physically unattractive when they first met)

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Re: How to say NO to a rishta?

OP also mentioned physical attraction which should be the main reason. Though she mentioned it as secondary one....

I think that is very important!

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Re: How to say NO to a rishta?

^

Yeah well THAT can be a solid reason.

But anyways, you should ask your parents to give him and a call and say No. As Sara said, someone's bound to get hurt but you gotta do what you gotta do.

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Re: How to say NO to a rishta?

Ok I do have to say - do change your number as you may get hassled by this guy. AND remove him off facebook. As for letting him down, surely your parents should talk to his. Its got nothing to do with you after that.

Change your number.

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Re: How to say NO to a rishta?

Why the need for such drastic actions? Maybe the guy will not behave all clingy and will appreciate her reason?

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Re: How to say NO to a rishta?

LOL text message saying you are beautiful. Sounds like an AFC. AFC = Another Frustrated Chump.

And reimburse $800? What is this, a job interview? He took the chance and he lost.

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Re: How to say NO to a rishta?

the way you have been acting afte he met you, he should have understood that something is not right so all you need to do is to ask your parents for communicating the message to his parents.

That sounded very funny to me that not being good in english was also one of the factors that you didnt like him :)

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Re: How to say NO to a rishta?

Why some of you started rambling about him being bothering her? For some reason, he is just not clear about this rishta. Ria, you should text him what inspiron said, " I am afraid it will not work out but i wish you best". Or just let your parents know, they will deal with it. Don't make it complicated.